🅿🅰🆁🅺🅴🆁
Alright. I need a break from the drama. So let me continue my story.
Where had I left it off?
Ah right. The Tarantula.
After Flora had gotten rushed to the ER, my mission had suddenly ended, so abruptly that I couldn't even say goodbye.
And as if Afterlife Ltd. was trying to mock my efforts at being a medium, they sent me right to the depths of hell.
Aka the filming studio of Astro TV.
If you don't know what Astro TV is, all you have to do is imagine a loony bin filled with a bunch of delusional rejects, referring to themselves as virgos, scorpios and what not. And the only thing they do all day long is shovel up money and throw it in a furnace while laughing maniacally and getting high on incense sticks.
Do you get the image or is it too abstract?
Basically it is a TV station where so called mediums sit at a table on their overweight asses and read the future of gullible callers who spend nothing less than 4,99 a minute to gobble up utter bullcrap just to then build their life around these celestial revelations.
It is the worst hoax ever. I'd rather watch 10 hours of Bible TV than a single tarot card reading. But now I was here, right in the middle of it all.
I had just equipped my first ever body (Jordan? Remember him?) and was still trying to figure out how everything worked while questioning my new surroundings when suddenly a guy ran up to me, black basecap on his head and key card dangling around his neck.
"Are you the new makeup assistant? You're late! Come with me."
I followed him. Not because I was DYING to be a makeup artist on the greatest production set on Earth. No, I needed to figure out why the hell Afterlife sent me to this godforsaken shithole.
Not too surprisingly he led me to a dressing room where a young woman was standing, sorting brushes. "Linda, this is the guy. You know what to do?" She turned her silver dyed head around to me and raised a pierced eyebrow. She pointed one of her in plastic rings drowning fingers at me.
"You're a makeup artist?"
"Uh…" I stuttered. "Yes?"
"Well, you surely don't look like one." She scanned me up and down, then she sighed. "Alright, I already did his make up so you'll only have to freshen it up during the commercial break. He isn't too picky with it, so you should be fine."
"He?" At that moment a screen turned on behind me and I jumped around. It was the live broadcast, a man was sitting behind a big table, his face surrounded by overlays reading things like "Your Energy Boost", "Next Group Boost on Wednesday, 7pm", "Call Now!".
His curly hair was shining with all the gel one could possibly put inside and the night blue button-up he wore was plastered with sparkling constellations.
The young man smiled, then he started speaking.
"Good evening, seekers. I am Noah Capricus and I will be here tonight to assist you on your journey to new vitality and vigor."
I froze. Noah Capricus, also known as Noah Henderson (but I guess that wasn't spacey enough), was no stranger to me. In fact, back in highschool we were in the same class together for 5 whole years.
We weren't exactly friends per se. Instead, you could say that I used to bully him for being a freaky wimp.
"Our first caller. Good night, seeker. What is your name and how may I assist you?"
I mean, come on. Can you blame me?
An older woman answered. "Hello Noah, this is Kate. I'm calling for my son, Edward."
"How old is Edward?"
"42."
I snorted. Imagine having your mom call an astrology service for your 42 year old self because she has probably given up on you ever becoming anything else but a loser on your own.
But to be fair, if I had made it to 42, maybe my mom would have resorted to similar methods.
"When is Edward's birthday, Kate?"
"January 14th."
"So a Capricorn just like myself!" Noah clapped. I cringed.
"I will be sending him celestial energy. He should be feeling a change within the next few days. Would you like me to sign your son up for my next group ascension on Wednesday?"
"That would be great. Thank you, Noah."
"Of course, seeker. Have a good day."
But without taking a breather, Noah kept brabbling, explaining the program and reciting some awful quotes about stars and shit.
I stood there with an open mouth. I wasn't too well-read when it comes to star signs but I did remember that Noah's birthday used to be around July because he always brought cupcakes for his friends.
July. Not January.
Capricorn my ass! Did no one check his CV?
"So, why exactly do we have to watch this?"
Linda raised her eyebrows. "Are you new in this industry? F*ck, why do I always get the newbies? Charlotte's assistant already worked for Lady Gogo and mine barely finished college!"
She narrowed her eyes. "You did finish college, right?"
"Sure."
Linda sighed, not happy with her new colleague.
"We have to watch so we can see how his makeup looks on screen and which parts need touching up. You see that? His nose is a bit shiny so you'll have to powder that during the break.
I nodded.
I'm absolutely not interested in powdering Noah's nose but I guess that this is the game now.
"So is this guy new here or…?"
"Uh, no? Noah Capricus is literally our rising star. He's been hosting during prime time for months now, the fans absolutely love him."
I nodded again. Well, good for him.
We continued watching how Noah scammed elderly women and lonely housewives out of their money until I felt sick to my stomach.
"Okay, let's go. The ad break starts in 2." Linda was already standing in the doorway, carrying different powders and brushes, so I followed her.
We rushed through the hallways but luckily the set was only a minute away. When we got on it and I finally saw Noah in real life, my heart dropped.
Not so ballsy now, Parker?
"Okay, go touch up his powder and don't forget the setting spray."
She forced the products into my hands and I can feel panic rising.
I do not know what to do, okay? Makeup is just as complicated as a fancy dinner with ten different spoons.
Using a risotto spoon to eat your spaghetti? Desaster! You might as well shoot a bullet through your head.
But oh well, I can't back out now. With doddering knees I walked over to Noah who didn't even look at me.
I inspected the things in my hands. Now which of these could be powder?
There Ina one that seems to be very shiny so I doubted I should use that. Negative and negative makes positive but shiny and shiny don't make matte. At least I kew that much.
I looked at another black dose. 'Compact Powder' it read in gold letters and I high-fived my inner self. I parked the other stuff on the table.
Suddenly, a tube fell down and now Noah was looking at my nervous self, raising an eyebrow. I picked a big angled brush but when he saw what I was holding in my hands, he backed off.
"Oh, no. Sorry but my skin has been breaking out like crazy. Any more powder and I'll look like a moon crater tomorrow."
I stared at him in disbelief.
"What? Not everyone can have perfect skin! Just give me one of those tissues."
I put the powder and brush down, almost wanting to scream with happiness and gave him the pack of paper tissues. He pulled one out and started dabbing the sweaty areas of his face.
Once he was done and he saw that I was still staring at him, he raised his eyebrows.
"So, are you new here?" "Y-yeah, I work with Luna." "Linda." "Exactly."
He nodded slowly, then he popped his tongue.
"Well, uh…" "Jordan."
"Well, Jordan. I'll have to get back to the show. Let's chat later, okay?"
I just nodded. Then I quickly collect my stuff plus the tube that had fallen down and rushed back to Linda.
She looked mad. "Sorry but who the fuck hired you? Who uses a highlighter brush for powder? Were you trying to kill him?"
Okay, Linda. That was a bit overdramatic. I trudged behind her, back to the changing room and sat down on one of the chairs.
That was a close call.