Many people say that life does not need to be thought about, just live it gracefully and overcome all obstacles with an abundance of patience. But now, it seems that this statement is wrong.
Zulfa's life has too many trials that keep stabbing her mind and heart. The only peace she had was worshiping God.
Zulfa sighed tiredly as she took a sip of the warm sweet tea that Ijah had made for her. This time she was on the balcony, sitting on one of the wooden chairs that were deliberately provided there. Even tonight feels very gray considering Farel who has not returned from the incident earlier. I don't know, should she give up? Losing doesn't mean she lost, right?
But for Farel's love which is torn in two, she is not ready. Hi?! But didn't she get the affection of a Farel?
Disappointing.
What should she do? This was something that kept circling in her mind. For polygamy, there must be a clear reason.
Should she lie?
The wife cannot carry out her obligations as a wife;
The wife has an incurable disability or disease;
The wife cannot bear children.
In what category does she qualify if a husband is allowed to have polygamy like that explanation?
Zulfa massaged her throbbing temples, she closed her eyes feeling the excruciating dizziness. Her tears couldn't even describe how devastated she was now. She just wants to live a normal life with a very loving husband. That's it, is it not allowed?
"Sorry I just got home, I was resting at Rani's house so I came home late."
Zulfa smiled wryly without looking at the man who was now wearing casual clothes, maybe he had also changed clothes at the house of the girl he loved the most.
This made Zulfa's chest feel tight.
She sighed wearily, then took another sip of her hot drink. The night air was not enough to make her waver, she still endured the cold embrace of the night wind.
"What are you doing, Fa? Why don't you stab me with all sorts of questions? Usually, your possessiveness comes out when I come home late."
Zulfa was silent, did not answer. Why are you still asking? It looks like Farel's head was hit by a very large rock.
"You have amnesia? Or is pretending like it's not a big deal to you?" Zulfa asked while turning to Farel with a flat look. She had lost sympathy for the man.
If Zulfa is not respected, she need not plead further to claim her rights as a wife. Because as far as she knows, pure love is not worthy of someone who even rejects her presence.
Farel sat right beside Zulfa's body. He leaned back and looked up at the night sky, unlike his usual self. "I just don't want to hurt your heart, sorry if I miss Rani, that's why I chose not to go home first and settle down with my lover," he said giving an overly honest and hurtful explanation.
"Do you think polygamy will not hurt my heart, Farel?" Zulfa again asked the question in a hoarse tone, now her throat felt tight. The tightness began to take over her heart again.
Does Zulfa still deserve to keep this marriage?
Farel seems to still feel calm as if this is not a big problem for him. This is the thinking of a foolish man.
"I just, want-- I don't know what else to do, Fa. I love Rani and one day I have to take care of you as a wife." Farel replied, exhaling.
"Take care of me, you say? Yesterday I asked you to accompany me shopping, you refused. I begged you to visit my parents' house, but you chose Rani. Are there different feelings of love and responsibility, Farel? Is polygamy more important? wife love, you have the responsibility that you bear after marrying me." Zulfa said, trying to wake her up according to reality.
Farel was silent, he didn't even know what to say. Slapping a woman was new to him, and yes he felt very guilty for doing it to his wife.
"Should I give up right now, Farel?" Zulfa continued with an increasingly choked tone. She didn't want to do this, but what else could she do? Even she no longer has a place in Farel's heart. Pathetic. Then all this time what she got was just a sense of futility? What is thought is not as beautiful as reality. She thought the story would be as smooth as in the novel. Married by force, her husband will love her from time to time, and get a happy ending. But it is different.
Farel rolled his eyes. "No, you must remain my wife. You cannot go or ask for divorce with me, Zulfa."
"Then treat me like a wife, Farel. You can stay but you can't choose what's good for us, so surely one day you'll lose both of them."
"Easy, to prevent loss by loss, means I have to take care of both. And polygamy is indeed the most appropriate choice for me, isn't it?"
"You're crazy, Farel."
Zulfa couldn't understand how Farel's brain worked, which he thought was very strange. Choosing is indeed a difficult thing, but it is possible to delay the choice even to the point of daring to choose two choices that obviously will not have the same frequency.
"I only want the best, Fa. I want Rani, and you want me. Balanced, right?"
"You are selfish Farel, it should have been a choice but you took everything and made it like that."
"Sometimes we need to be selfish so as not to lose what we already hold, you have to learn this one thing. Because to achieve it is not that easy, Fa."
"What have you achieved from me, Farel? So far I have only received a rejection from you. Rani has always been prioritized, but I was just thrown away. Like something that is no longer worth using."
Farel looked at Zulfa with a shady look in his eyes, for some reason his feelings suddenly softened maybe because of his guilt. "Who said I got nothing from you? I defended you so that my Brahmana clan and all its facilities would never fall," he said, again being too honest and bringing up the facts that had been his guide from the start.
Damn, that hurts.
Defended only for wealth? After this, what else will happen to Zulfa's life?
"Why do you think like that, Zulfa? You think I'm a heartless girl, don't you? Do you think I won't be tormented if I face a marriage that continues like this? I'm confused Farel, confused with you." Zulfa replied, she was disappointed.
Zulfa began to shed tears, releasing all the pain that she had been suppressing for so long. For all the feelings she felt, today was the most painful peak. She didn't know what to do.
"I told you that I can never let Rani go, and you should know the consequences," said Farel as he turned his gaze to another direction, not wanting to see his wife's sad face.
Farel had hurt Zulfa many times, even made her cry, and the great thing was that it didn't make the woman waver. But for today a Farel feels an extraordinary fear, he is afraid that Zulfa is tired of him and leaves his life.
Zulfa sobbed, but she held it in, lest she gets too carried away. "If you can be gentle with me, I will also do the same with you, Farel."
"Do it if you can, I never forbid you to do what you want. I can be free like this, why should I forbid you?" Farel answered very calmly.
Indeed, this man may not have a brain and a heart, agree?
Zulfa wiped away the traces of her tears, then took a deep breath. "Okay if that's what you want Farel. You will regret speaking to me like that. And please, I'm asking you to vote within a week. You can choose to marry Rani and fulfill all your lust for love, or you can choose me to keep our marriage and of course, break the relationship with Rani."
Just when Farel wanted to protest this, Zulfa had already got up from her seat and left him alone with all the restless feelings that settled in his heart.
The wrong choice, Farel can enter the deepest abyss. This week, he will spend some time thinking and starting to choose who he needs in his life.
Rani or Zulfa?
Love or treasure?
Or can he get treasure and love from Zulfa? Ah no, just imagining it seems so impossible.
"Fa, don't go… It feels like if Zulfa isn't around, something's lacking very clearly. But I can't share all my feelings, there is a heart that deserves more attention and affection than Zulfa, namely Rani."
But... What if Zulfa leaves? What if he chooses the wrong life partner? What if Rani is not what he expected? What if after Zulfa pulled away from him, his life went awry? How.... how is life without Zulfa?
"Farel, please have dinner first, you must be hungry."
Farel was surprised to see Zulfa who was already in front of him, with her right hand holding a plate of grilled ribs in barbecue sauce and her left hand holding Farel's favorite orange juice.
"I had time to cook this for you, sorry if it's not warm enough. I want to sleep first, don't stay up late."
"You don't want to sleep with me, Fa? Usually, you whine to let me sleep with you, and now why don't you ask me to sleep with you again?"
Hearing the baritone tone that greeted her, Zulfa turned around again. "I'm a woman, it's not in my nature to beg for your attention like I used to. Let's just say yesterday was just a passing wind and I never begged you for anything,"
"But that's not the Zulfa I know, Fa."
"Do you know me? If you rejected me in the first place, it's unlikely that you would know me."
"It's not like that, Fa. Are you... mad at me, right?"
The question that every woman has been waiting for to be able to express her heart to her partner, including Zulfa. But this time, she was no longer interested in saying anything. Her heart said that for now, let Farel realize her mistake, in the future maybe she could change as usual again if the man had improved.
"Just think for yourself, can you understand Rani but can't understand your wife?"
"Y-yes.. please go, thank you for bringing me dinner."
"Yes, don't forget to finish it, you must have not eaten or maybe you have eaten but you are hungry again. Sorry," Zulfa turned around and walked away from Farel who was now sighing.
"Yeah, you care about me too much, Fa," Farel muttered, he looked at the back of the woman who slowly turned away, he should be talking to. Zulfa's body had disappeared behind the closed door. Even after what he did, Zulfa was still a woman who cared about him.
It seems Farel made a big mistake.
As for Zulfa, a feeling of tightness began to spread throughout her body. She held on to the barrier of the second floor, then her eyes felt hot.
"Why is it so painful to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't love you back? Is it an arranged marriage that one side doesn't like, surely those who are trying to be better will get hurt like this?"
Now, let Zulfa rest from the tiredness of these very hard days.
Farel, from rough to soft. Ah, a man can steal his woman's attention back with just a simple touch like that, it's great now that Zulfa is trying to stay on track to teach her husband a life lesson.
Happiness is hard to come by, but Zulfa is sure that one-day happiness will come to her, she will feel very happy.
"Bismillah, Allah is with the patient servants..."
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