"I would like to be transferred to the translator's department. That is the position that I applied for, Mr. Kempt." I said.
His eyes narrowed and I can see bursts of anger in their depths. He just kept quiet for a long time, just looking at me. After some moments, I started fidgeting. His stare is making me uncomfortable.
"Are you thinking that you are loosing out in this employment period because of you staying as my secretary?" he asked quietly.
"Not really loosing out, sir. But the reason why applied in this company was because I wanted to get to know the different departments and how they work. I wanted to see where I fit best and being cooped in as you secretary is not helping me achieve that." I said in a placating tone. I can feel his anger as if it was something tangible.
Because I know it takes a lot for him to get mad, I started feeling guilty. I should have just kept quiet and see all of through until Ms. Jennifer comes back. I should not have added onto the things that he is worrying about. I have always been a burden to him. I was never helpful to him in any way. I was the opposite. I was his stumbling block. I always pulled him back, not letting him soar.
Ashton has always been a great guy. Had a lot of potential too, potential which was made easy by his family and their wealth. But I destroyed all of that. He was no longer the Ashton Kempt that everyone looked up to. The most eligible bachelor. The golden boy. The one who has everything that one can ever dream of.
I have always regretted the day that our paths crossed. We were once living in the opposite side of the social spectrum. The golden boy and the orphan. Never did anyone imagine that we will meet and even love each other.
"You have changed a lot, Helena." Ashton said with his back turned from me. He was facing the window and was looking at the skies as if looking or asking for some guidance.
"You used to be timid and would just follow whatever you were told. You never learned to stand up for yourself. You either let Bryanna or me do the fighting for you." he sighed. "What made you change, Helena?"
I did not answer his question. I do not want to honor it with a response since it would lead us to the past that I have been doing my best to forget. I no longer want to live in pain. I no longer want to live in misery. I have tasted what happiness is after a long time and I am not willing to let it go.
I may be alone, with no man to claim as my own but I am quite happy with how things are. I have experienced the freedom that I have deprived myself of when I was young.
"Is it because of Hunt?" Ashton asked, teeth gnashing as he tried to reign in his anger. "Is it because of that b****** that you are changing?" he probed.
When I kept quiet, he turned and walked towards me. I stood my ground. I wanted to be transferred so that I can be free of him even if it is just for a few hours a day. The main reason that I started working is for me to forget and for me to be able to do that I have to have something that would take my mind off of things that makes me miserable.
"I'm sorry, sir but if now is not a good time to talk about my request, I would just come back some other time." I said in a placating tone. I do not want to stir him up so much that he would start talking about the past again. Ericka might hear him and that is the last thing that I want to happen. I turned around with the clear intention of leaving but he grabbed my arm.
"Why are you defending him?" he snarled at me. His hands on my arm tightening.
"You are hurting me, Mr. Kempt." I said in a hushed tone.
"Good! At least you know what pain is." Ashton responded. "I have been living in pain for so long already. And seeing you looking so fine, and so happy makes me think life is unfair. Why would I be the only one in pain?" he said.
"Mr. Kempt, the reason why I sought you out is for my request to be heard. I never had any intention of causing you pain." I said with gritted teeth.
How dare him talk about pain! How dare he talk about misery! He should be in pain and misery. He should at least try to atone to what he has done to me. And him casting blame on me is just something that he and his family is good at. I am so done with him, with them. I have endured so much because of my love for him. Because he said that he loved me too.
But all of that was wasted. They were wasted emotions. He was never ever able to stand for me when it comes to his family. He just let them treat me like trash.
"You are a good for nothing b****!" he cursed.
I did my best to pry my arm from his hold.
"Mr. Kempt, you have no right to talk to me about living in pain and being miserable. You were the reason why I was in hell. For three years, I have endured every humiliation, every shame, every taunt from you and your family. It was never my fault that I was abandoned. I do not even know why my parents abandoned me, but I know this as true, it was my fault that I was hurt by you. It was my idiocy that made me loose the most important part of my life. I lost three years of my life to you and it was just an utter waste." I answered him trying my best to keep my tears from falling.
"Let me remind you, Mr. Kempt, that it was you who pursued me and promised me the entire universe. It was you who promised to stand by me no matter what happens." I added with my head bent. I do not have the guts to look at him for fear that I will cry. "But it was you who let go. It was you who abandoned me."
I turned towards the door. It is better for us to stop this conversation for us to stop hurting each other. We should be ready to move on. We should try to live with what has happened.
"Ms. Smith," he called me when I was about to pull the door open, "I'm sorry but no. I will not allow you to be transferred. I will not let you out of my sight."
I turned to face him. I no longer saw him as someone who I used to love so deeply and beyond reason. For me he was just now my boss and the person who I will never ever be with.