"Ashton," I sighed but stopped when I saw that he was startled. I looked with questioning eyes.
There was a slight smile on his lips when he shrugged as said, "Nothing. Its just that it has been a long time since you said my name without sounding hateful."
He looked wistful as if he remembered the days we had before. The days when we thought that love and us were all that mattered. That we did not need anyone else. When we thought that as long as we show everyone how true we are to our words and feelings, that they will believe in us. The days when we both were young and thought we had nothing to loose.
But these thoughts were all wrong. It is not just love that mattered. We did need people around us. People that accepts us, cheers us on and supports us. That no matter how hard we show them, his family will never be able to accept us. That I will always be someone who ruined the future of the golden boy. Someone who is a hindrance and not an asset. Someone who holds back instead of furthering the standing of their family in the society.
In short, a liability instead of being an asset.
It was too late for us to realize....realize that we had so much to loose. So much to loose.
"I missed you so much, Helena. You have no idea what I feel every time I see you. How hard it was for me to hold back. How hard it is for me to watch you with Hunt." he said in a miserable voice. The sorrow in his eyes are rending my heart into pieces. My heart was trying to answer his plea. Plea to pick up where we left off.
I know we have so many things to settle, but now is not the right time to do it. Not now, when we both are still hurting. When we are still miserable.
"I'm sorry. But what we felt for each other back then, is something in the past and should be left there. I am not ready for what you want, Ashton. I don't think I ever will." I said quietly. He stood up and slowly made his way towards me. He stopped when I was an arms length away. I looked at him with tears in my eyes and his arms automatically tried to reach for me like he always did when we were just dating.
I took a step back and looked at him carefully. My eyes brimming with tears for years of hurt and misery.
"What I have been through with you, with your family is something that even now haunts me in my most weakest moment. I have made you the center of my universe, Ashton, and I was left broken and torn."
My quiet words made him flinch. It looked as if I stabbed him with a dagger. I know it is causing him pain, but I can not let him think that I am going to come running back to him. I know that I will never be welcomed by his family. That is something that he and I know but we chose to ignore.
"I was never accepted by the people around you, Ashton. I was always looked down upon and was named a seducer, a gold digger. I know I had nothing to offer that was why I worked hard to make it work so that you will not regret choosing me over them. But you were the one who threw me the bucket of cold water. Thanks to that I woke up to the reality." I said firmly.
I saw him shook his head as if in denial. He knew my words were true. It was his side of the family that brought us so much pain. Even his friends chimed in to the humiliation and pain. Who could blame them?
I am in truth an orphan with no one and nothing to offer.
"I was a liability to you, Ashton. The love of your life you said? I may be the love of your life but I, too was a burden to you. A burden you were not ready to carry." I added turned and walked out of his office.
I left feeling dejected. I wish Ashton would see the reason why I wanted to be transferred. Its not about avoiding him. I really want to learn about the company. I want to nurture my professional growth. The more I am exposed to the inner workings of the company the better. I have to make up for the years that I stayed at home. I sighed as I sat down which made Ericka look at me suspiciously.
I can feel her wanting to know what happened. Her curiosity so tangible that it feels like the air is vibrating with it.
"What did you two talk about? You did not complain about me behind my back, didn't you?" Ericka asked.
"I requested for Mr. Kempt to transfer me to the translator's department just like the rest of the newbies." I answered quietly. "I also told him that you are more than capable in handling things on your own."
"And?" she prompted excitedly.
"He said that he needed two secretaries." I answered quietly as I got up and got ready to go home. Its Friday and I want to take the rest that I so deserve. I'm planning to visit my parents. Just the mere thought of being in my mother's arms after so long cheered me up. It put a smile on my face.
"Are you that excited to see, lover boy?" Ericka asked when I was about to punch the elevator button. "Is he the reason why you want to be transferred? To spend more time with him?" she teased.
"Yeah. I want to spend more time with him." I answered without looking back at her. The elevator doors opened, I went in and with my back turned on Ericka, I punched the button. I felt someone coming inside and I thought it was Ericka.
I was taken aback when I looked up and found Ashton breathing fire down my neck. He apparently heard what I said.