Walking in a daze as if she couldn't see or hear anything, and the only thing she was concerned with was to go to that person. After taking a few steps, she finally reached the grave of her beloved..
Standing in front of the grave, she stared at the white tombstone which looked still new. The name 'Shi Yu Jun' was engraved on it...
In the center of the tombstone, there was a picture of a young man in his early twenties. He had a bright smile on his face displaying his cute white teeth. As the photo was captured in sunlight, the bright rays of sun fell on his face making his facial features more prominent. If one was to look in this picture, it would be hard for him or her to believe that this Jolly young man no longer exists in this world.
Qin Rong stared at the picture lovingly and traced her fingers on the picture over and over again as if she was trying to feel the warmth of his body from the picture but she failed to feel so..
She kneeled to sit in front of the grave and put the bouquet of the white chrysanthemum which she was carrying in her arms on the grave..
Finally she spoke up, "Jun, How Have you been? Did you miss me?"
There was no reply to her question in that silent place, and she said, "I know I'm asking a silly question. How can you not miss me?"
I missed you too. I do with every passing moment.
Do you know why didn't I visit your grave ever after your funeral?
Because it took me four years to finally accept that you are really no more in this world and you'll never come back to me ever in this lifetime.. I have lost you forever.."
She tried to control her tears as her Jun never liked to see tears in her eyes. Whenever she used to cry, he used to wipe away her tears almost immediately placing her in between his arms, patting her back and kissing her forehead softly.
But when Rong was reminiscing her beautiful past with him, she could not restrain herself anymore as she broke into tears.
She spoke in a crying voice between her sobbing, "I. hate. you.... You promised me to live with me forever, you promised that you'll never leave me but you didn't keep your promise, Jun.
Do you remember when I first met you, I was only eight and was broken badly due to my daddy's death and mom's remarriage. It was you who healed me, made me learn how to laugh again..
For fifteen years, you tried to protect me from every storm and rain. I thought that atleast you'll be with me forever.. BUT NO I was wrong... you also left me..
Look at me, Your Rongrong have become successful. Can you still remember that many years ago we promised each other to be rich and successful together?
How many dreams we had together but see how you left me without fulfilling any of those."
"JUN, YOU ARE A LIAR.. YOU ARE A DAMN LIAR" She screamed while letting out a heart-wrenching cry.. She has so many complaints about him but he is not here to listen to her and pacify her..
All these years after his passing away, she immersed herself in her studies and work.
Days still passed by somehow but nights were wagon of pain, Every night, she tossed and turned in her comfortable bed trying to sleep but she couldn't as thoughts of their past always flashed in her mind, tearing her apart and breaking her at the seams..
"Jun, why are you always in my dream but not in my destiny?
Why did you force me to make promise to you to 'live again and love again' before letting out your last breath? WHY?
You are so cruel to me Jun. You are so happy to part away with me, right?
I wanted to die with you but you even deprived me of this opportunity..
Did you really think it's so easy to live without you?
I have been taking care of myself since you left as I promised. I achieved almost everything I wanted. But so what? Is this really can be considered as living?
You died and I lived but as I am living, I am actually dying every day...
It's much more painful than death....
And 'loving again'? Can I really love again somebody just like how I used to do to you?
I have been loving you for so many years, you exist in every corner of my heart. My heart is already broken into pieces by loving you. So, how can I give it to someone else?"
After speaking out everything she had accumulated inside her heart over all these years, she cried silently while sitting there. She decided to spend more time there and breathe in the same air where her late husband and dad were..
Don't know how many hours passed and finally Qin Rong decided to go back but she felt so weak that she was even having difficulties to stand up..
She vision blurred and head felt heavy because of crying. She wiped away all her tears from her eyes and face but her eyes still looked red and puffy..
Slowly her vision started getting back it's clarity. So, she looked at her phone to check the time and saw that it's already past 2 pm in the afternoon.
'So, I missed my lunch today' she thought but she was not hungry at all, maybe due to her depressed mood.
She wanted to stay here a little longer but she knew that she had to return..
So, she booked a cab through an app which was downloaded in her phone and the cab driver confirmed to reach the cemetery within ten minutes as he was nearby.
She stood infront of the white grave for a few minutes after cutting the call and then started walking away but after taking a few steps,
she turned back again to look at the picture of Shi Yu Jun with a faint smile and said, "I complained a lot today but forgot to inform you an important news.
Do you know that in the next month, the president of our country will give me an award for my excellent achievements?
I know it's gonna be one of the most glorious awards of my life.
The award ceremony will be live telecasted in giant screens at everywhere of the country. So, I have decided to let everyone know about your importance and contribution in my life on that day.
Maybe you'll also watch the programme from heaven, Isn't it?
Don't worry Jun, I'll keep my keep my promise by taking care of myself.
Goodbye love.."
She slowly walked away and stepped outside the cemetery. After waiting merely two minutes, the cab driver reached there and stopped the car in front of her.
The driver was startled to see her as her hair was disheveled, face and eyes were red and puffy, her body looked frail and lifeless but still somehow she managed to look beautiful...
As she came out of the cemetery, the driver could guess her broken state was definitely due to losing someone dearest of her.. He felt pity for her and was pondering whether he should console her or not. But finally he spoke up, "Miss, the people who are gone can't be returned ever again. I lost my daughter two years ago but had to harden my heart and live again for the sake of other members of my family. May Almighty also give you strength to live your life happily."
Qin Rong already sat inside the back seat of the car. After hearing his words, she felt grateful inside her heart.
Smilling faintly, she replied him, "Thank you so much for your kind words. I hope you will be happy too.. Condolences for your loss."
After ending the conversation with him, she leaned back on her seat closing her eyes to relax her body and mind..
The car slowly traced off from that secluded Cemetery area where her closest persons were sleeping forever...