Ajax
I loved him. I love him. I love him so fucking much. From the first day we met, I knew I wanted him to be mine and mine alone. I wanted that beautiful bright smile, those brown eyes that accessed situations so quickly, that oh so lovely body. I wanted them to be mine. I never understood why I felt that way or why he had that much of a hold on me but I would have been a fool to complain. I felt so complete when I was with him like that was where I was meant to be and nowhere else.
But he did not want me. Or anyone else for that matter. He could not love, simply couldn't. No matter how many times I told myself that was no problem for me, it still hurt like a bitch. Especially because he was so close to me all the time. But then again, I chose this. I wanted him to be here. Even if I could just watch him from afar and not be able to touch him.
He was standing just feet away behind, in bodyguard mode. I could not turn to look at him as much as I wanted, to avoid unwanted attention coming to him from these people. I sat at the head of the conference table, barely listening to whatever they were saying as they were finding excuses to cover up their mistake. I was quickly getting annoyed at the bullshit they were building. I clicked a pen slowly, watching the suit-clad women and men who sat at the sides of the table, people who called themselves business executives. I stopped clicking when I noticed they were done talking.
"So what you are telling me is that I leave for just two fucking days and you idiots manage to lose one of the most important deals we've had? Do I have to do everything around here myself? Then why did I hire you people in the first place? I should fire you fools right here, right now. You can't even take care of things right."
One of them tried to interject and that got me all the more annoyed.
"Making excuses for fucking up simple things I hire you to do. The only one of you who manage to do his work moderately was Jacob, all the rest of you were useless. Fix this. You know what, you know what, I'll do it myself, send the files to my office and come and see me in my office, Jacob. Now get out, all of you. Get out."
They quickly scurried out of the room with their tails between their legs, leaving only Julian and me. I breathed out, exasperated. I ran my hands across my face before standing and straightening my jacket lapels. As much I wanted to walk over to Julian and attempt to kiss him, I knew he was in work mode and so should I be too. The temptation was great. So for the next couple of hours, I spent my time hopping from one meeting to the other, not taking time to even think about flirting but he still managed to stay at the back of my mind, it was even worse when I realized he was with me everywhere.
~~
At the end of the day, I was drained drastically but at this point in my life, I was used to this. I had a lot more work to complete so when I was finally in the safety of my office, I took off my suit jacket and set to work, time passing by faster than before. Faintly, in my work trance, I could hear Julian walking around, doing something of his own. I looked up finally when I sensed him close. He was standing at my desk with a tray of food, looking expectantly at me. I sat up straight then smiled teasingly.
"I would have loved this to be breakfast in bed but I'll take what I can get."
He rolled his eyes but said nothing. He set the tray in front of me and I did not hesitate to dig in. Ugh, I hadn't realized I was so hungry, I was starving. Whispers of a conversation made me lift my head. I looked over to Julian to see him speaking to someone on the phone, which was unusual for him to do so at work, it made me curious. When he had ended the call, I wriggled my brows at him to which he arched a brow at me.
"What?", he asked, sliding the phone into his suit pocket.
"A call on the job? Must be important", I said, setting aside the empty dishes.
"It's just my therapist", he shrugged.
My brows furrowed. I looked over to the blinking digital clock on my desk. 11:39, it blinked at me. A lot of time had passed.
"This late? What exactly does this new "therapist" need to tell you at 11:39? Didn't you meet just yesterday?"
"Oh, she just needs to clear up a few issues about our date."
A small stabbing feeling pricked deep in my chest. I smiled it off though, avoiding rubbing my chest to ease off the pain. I could just be mistaken. Maybe he meant date as in another appointment. I shouldn't jump to conclusions.
"A date, huh? She must be good if you are willing to answer her call on your worktime", I joked.
"Yeah...a bit odd though. She asked if she and I could date...it was weird."
The feeling again. It hurt a lot more now.
"And what did you say?", I swallowed.
He paused before arching a brow at me and rolled his eyes. He shrugged then said,
"That really shouldn't matter to you, Mr. Diamandis. Focus now so we can go back. It's already late."
Then he picked the empty tray up and placed it on a trolley then placed it outside the door. I rubbed the sides of my temple to rid myself of thoughts that were hurting me. Who would guess the billionaire playboy was pining over someone who wouldn't even consider me a love interest? I couldn't help it. So unfortunate for me.
He avoided answering. I sighed, feeling the coil in my chest tighten up but I tried my best to take my mind off it yet it stayed at the back of my mind, heavy. I cleared up what was left of my work, packed up, and left without saying a word. If I spoke now, I would say something foolish and rash so all I could do was keep it to myself.
Love hurts. It created a deep hole that only one person could fill, yet that person would never agree to be mine. It hurts. But what is a man to do?
When we finally got to the apartment, Julian left me to do his nightly routine and I ended up taking a long cold shower to rid myself forcibly of feelings I had of the slightly tan and slender man who drove me crazy. I shut my eyes and mind away from any thoughts but yet the curly-haired man wiggled himself into my mind's eye.
Damn. I'm so fucking whipped.