Fallon woke up the next morning feeling sore. She moved a little and felt everything down the waist ache, reminding her of their overindulgence that had started in the car and continued in Taylor's room for such a long time that she was sure Gina, who was in the master bedroom just across the hall could hear them.
She felt a little queasy but didn't think she was about to be sick. Tuesday was a busy day for her so she quickly went to the bathroom and got herself ready for the day.
By the time she finished, she was running a bit late and knew she had to hurry if she were to get herself to class on time. She was just on the last stair when she heard Taylor's voice, and it sounded furious. She had never heard him sound that angry before. She paused to listen.
"...had a fucking right to know." Taylor said. She couldn't see them, but she was sure they were at the breakfast table in the kitchen.
"We didn't want to alarm her or ruin your date."
"Alloy had her hair trimmed yesterday. You have no idea what a big deal that is but I am telling you, it was an emotional milestone. She hadn't touched her hair since mom died," Berin said.
"I still think you should have let her know."
Fallon matched towards them, "Let me know what?" She asked her sister as she sat on down, "and why aren't you at practice? I thought you had your last meet coming up really soon?"
Taylor avoided her eye as he served her a plate of breakfast. He didn't even ask if she was okay. Both Macy and Gina stared at their plates too hard for Fallon's liking.
Fallon dug into her food and looked at Berin, "Tell me what?"
Berin opened mouth, then closed it.
Fallon looked around, "Taylor? Gina? Anyone wanna tell me what's going on?"
"It's grandma," Berin finally said.
"What about her?"
Silence.
"Oh my God, you didn't tell her I am pregnant, did you?" Fallon could already hear the insults she was going get on her next visit.
"Come here," Taylor said as he turned his seat to face her and opened up his arms.
Fallon stood up and went to him, stepping between his legs and allowing him to wrap his arms around her, she was surprised when Gina didn't even tease them about it.
"What? What happened? You guys are scaring me."
"Fallon, your grandmother passed away," said Taylor.
Fallon felt her world spin and was grateful that Taylor had his arms around her. Her grandmother pass away? Fallon had never thought that day would come. The old woman seemed to defy all odds. She had been such a constant presence in her life,ever since she was born. Even though she had not been the kindest person out there, Fallon was sure she had loved her.
"W-when?" Fallon asked. Her voice shook but no tear fell. This dry eyed heart wrenching pain was the typical way that her grief manifested.
They exchanged a look at the table before Taylor replied, "Yesterday."
Fallon rounded up on Berin, "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I was going to. When you came downstairs, I had just gotten the call from the nursing home. I was going to tell you but then when you came down you had your hair trimmed and...I just couldn't. I figured I would let you enjoy your one night without grief holding you back for once."
Fallon's shock gave way to guilt. She hadn't visited her grandmother as often as she ought to have. They had put her in the nursing home even though she had hated it there. She had been so rude in her last visit. She had...
"Fallon, breath," Taylor said, his hand on her shoulder, "Come on, deep breath through the nose."
His hands were around her, steadying her, reminding her that there was still something worth living for.
When she spoke, Fallon's voice was empty, devoid of emotion, she addressed Berin, "When's the funeral?"
Tears swam in Berin's eyes, "I am sorry Alloy. She wanted to be cremated."
"No."
"I am sorry."
To Fallon, a funeral was important. The burying of the body was a sort of closure for her. Cremation sounded so... unfinished. She didn't want to think of her grandmother's body being burned to ashes. It was the last piece of her mother she had left, she wanted to bury it next to her.
"We are not cremating her. It doesn't matter what she wanted. Mom wouldn't want that. We are burying her next to mom."
Fat tears dropped from Berin's eyes and hit the table in quick succession, "I am sorry Fallon. I am really but she wanted to be cremated and it has already happened."
"No."
"I am sorry."
"They can't have cremated her without our consent."
"She wanted it done immediately. She...took measures to ensure we will not interfere. It was done way before they called me."
"That's not right. We were her last living relatives. You don't just burn up someone without their relatives knowledge. How do we know she actually died? No."
"Fallon..."
"No," Fallon said as she extracted herself from Taylor's arms, "I am going to look up the law and I am going to sue the nursing home until they give back her body."
Berin pointed to the kitchen counter where a small urn stood, "Fallon, I already released them from any liability."
"How could you?" Fallon whispered hoarsely, but to anyone who heard her, it was a silent scream of a tortured soul.
"The nursing home took good care of her. It didn't seem fair to blame them for fulfilling her last wish."
"You had no right! Not without me."
"Well, you didn't seem to like her that much, did you?" Berin was now defensive.
Fallon's heart tore up into two. What Berin had said was essentially true, but...
"I would like to be alone now please," Fallon said calmly.
Taylor caught her arm as she walked away, his eyes boring into hers, "Don't do anything stupid, okay?"
Fallon nodded mechanically.
He let go of her and she walked upstairs and went to her room, the room she had not slept in since Saturday night. She threw herself on the bed and opened her book bag, she took out all the books in a frantic hurry and found the envelope Berin had given her on Sunday. She tore it open and took out the note, written in a handwriting that must have been a nurse's.
Dear Fallon,
It seems like I offended on your last visit more than I imagined and I am sorry for that. Since you won't come to see me, I am forced to dispell my last wisdom to you, my favorite, in a note. Here is my advice to you: live a little. Ever since your parents passed away, you are a machine, going through the motions of life but not living. I too lost my parents young Fallon, and then I had your mother and I just tied myself up and never gave myself a chance to live, the result is that I ended up a bitter old woman, insulting people to make myself feel better. You have a lot of my spirit in you Fallon, and if you don't give yourself a chance to live, you will end up just like me. I love you so much and if I had a bunch of money, I will leave it to you but I don't, so I am just going to say Goodbye.
Grandma.
Fallon didn't cry. She has never been good at it, but she read and reread the letter, trying to find anything to give her comfort but all she felt was guilt. She gave in to it then, letting it consume her, blaming herself for everything, regretting every decision she has ever made in her life, and wondering if things would be different had she chosen a different path.
A few hours later, the door gently opened and Taylor walked in, carrying a tray of food.
"You should eat something."
Fallon was silent.
He placed the tray on her bedside table, "I am just going to leave this here. At least get yourself a drink if nothing else."
"Can I have a tequila?"
"No."
"Then I don't want a drink."
"Okay," he looked at the tray, "But just in case you change you mind."
He was already out of the room and closing the door when Fallon spoke, "I will go with you."
"Huh?"
"I will tour the world with you. Let's leave tomorrow."
"Fallon..."
"Let's just leave okay? I don't want to be in Miami. Or anywhere else stagnant. I want to live before I die."
Taylor walked back into the room perched himself on a chair, "Where do you want to go?"
"Somewhere safe."
He crawled into bed right next to her and wrapped her gently in her arms, Fallon felt his heat cocoon her.
She didn't need to go somewhere safe, she was already somewhere safe.