I don't feel like teaching today.
Come to think of it, I haven't felt like teaching any other day, either. Not tired. Not sick. Just...disinterested. The kind of disinterest that settles in your bones and makes you question why you even bother showing up in the first place.
"Are you sure you should be sleeping right now?"
Shizuka's voice breaks through the dull hum of the afternoon as I lift my chin off the table. Her raised eyebrow tells me she's enjoying this way too much.
"Sleeping in class seems more like Claire's job than yours. Aren't tutors supposed to be, you know...awake?"
I rub my eyes, glancing at the darker spot on the desk where my forehead left an imprint. "I figured you'd appreciate a break. I don't feel like teaching, and you don't feel like studying. Win-win."
She frowns. "I don't have anything to do."
Typical. She left her laptop at home, probably dead like her motivation.
"I can see that," I mumble.
Shizuka lets out a soft, mischievous chuckle. "You'd lose serious points with Sohee if she saw you like this. Isn't her type, like, all about intelligent and diligent guys? You're kinda...not that right now."
Her words sting in that weird, ticklish way—right behind the eyes. Sohee's judgmental gaze flashes in my mind, her soft yet firm hands adjusting her glasses as she calmly assesses my failure. It's almost enough to make me sit up straighter. Almost.
Shizuka leans in, watching me closely, waiting for a reaction. "If this were one of those dating sim games, Sohee's route would be locked, greyed out. You know that, right?"
"She doesn't need to know..."
"I think I'm walking into a scandalous relationship right now," she says, voice soft, teasing, but with that edge of danger.
"Up to you."
I sit up, adjusting my tie like it still matters, like I'm not just a guy who keeps dying, keeps reviving, keeps showing up in this ridiculous loop. There's only one student in the room, but Shizuka's presence fills it, her gaze practically dragging me into her little game.
"Even if Sohee knew," I say, "I wouldn't lose any points. She's all-in on me, no matter what I do."
"Blind loyalty," Shizuka adds.
"Blindly," I agree.
She laughs, a soft, almost genuine sound. "You're one lucky guy, Sunbae. Too lucky, if you ask me."
I'm the unluckiest guy alive. Or dead. Or somewhere in between.
The silence that follows reminds me that this is only my third day as a tutor—if you don't count the loops. First day was Monday, second was yesterday when Sohee took charge and I got to sit back and pretend I belonged here. Today? Today's a Wednesday, and I'm already running on empty. And of course, only Shizuka shows up. The others—Carrie, Claire, even Sohee—they don't need to be here, thanks to the school's "progressive" attendance policy.
Privileged girls with privileged lives, skipping through time like it's nothing. God, I miss the days when being late meant standing outside the classroom door until you learned your lesson.
"Teach me," Shizuka says, pulling me out of my reverie. "Biology. It's Wednesday, so...that's your job, right?"
I miss Sohee. She's my buffer. The one who answers questions with ease while I pretend I'm not spiraling into existential dread. She shields me from the suspicion, the doubt that creeps in when I can't teach properly. Without her, these girls would probably expose me—send me packing. Only for everything to repeat.
It's a death sentence. Literally.
Life and Death have a vested interest in my continued existence, and they'd make sure my next revival hurt even more than the last.
Not that these girls know—or care.
Shizuka gasps, her tone dripping with mock surprise. "Oh my God, Sunbae...you're not actually...bad at teaching, are you?"
I shrug. "Maybe I am. Maybe I'm just a guy who knows his student would rather push buttons than learn anything."
"That's true," she admits, crossing her arms. "But still, it's weird the school hired someone we didn't vote for, and now here you are, refusing to do your job. Guess I'll have to write a five-hundred-word report on this."
She's not going to drop this anytime soon, right?
I groan inwardly. "Sure, sure...let's just get this over with."
I pull out a stack of papers—Sohee's meticulous work—and toss them onto the desk. "Biology. Knock yourself out."
"I thought you'd be more excited about this," Shizuka teases. "Weren't you top of your class once? Isn't complex stuff like this your...fetish?"
"Let's not use the word 'fetish' in the context of studying," I deadpan, sliding another paper toward her. "I'm not sure people will like that."
She pouts, picking up her pen. "Fine. But seriously, didn't you love studying?"
"No," I reply, matter-of-factly. "No one loves studying. It's unhealthy to study hard."
"Unhealthy?"
"To study hard is to love suffering," I explain, watching her confused expression. "It's masochistic."
Shizuka smirks, pen poised over the paper. "So, what you're saying is... studying is bad?"
"You can study smart instead," I counter, "but that's just a fancy term for being lazy."
She sighs, finally turning her attention to the questions. Within seconds, her pen is scribbling down answers—random, hurried circles on a multiple-choice sheet.
"Are you even trying?" I ask, pulling the paper back.
She makes the cutest duck face. "Hmm...define trying."
"You're confident in your answers?"
"Nope. I'm just lucky," she says with a grin. "Like I am lucky enough to have a hot tutor all to myself."
But then her mischievous-self disappears.
"Oh, no...please, no... These are...subjective questions."