"You need to tell us what happened today while Amakiji-san was away and everything about your connection with this person. Any information could be valuable."The chief of police looked at me more earnestly than ever before. He seemed ready to listen to whatever I said as if it were of the utmost importance.
But the problem was the events that had taken place this morning and that the person was addressing me as if we were close to each other. In their eyes right now, either I was a madman who would utter useless gibberish or some criminal who had all this planned to target Kaoru and kidnap him but at the same time have alibi.
How could I convince them that neither was true when I was in such an emotional state?
The mere sight of them all looking at me with such intentness as if they were hanging on my every word, was enough to push and shut me up like an oyster. They weren't sure if they would trust my words but they were professional enough to recognise my importance in the whole affair and that they should at least listen to me. Something useful would come of it.
But the shock I had undergone was so great that I almost felt as if I had lost my memories. They mingled with each other and clouded as if my body were trying to defend itself and make me forget that I was close with a figure who was none of what she seemed.
"Ca-... Can I just tell the psychologist?" I wasn't sure exactly what I would find to say to him, but at least I wanted us to be alone. Maybe that's how he would manage to ask me the right questions so I could remember the answers, or at least relax and untie my tongue.
They seemed to be a little indignant at my answer, but since I did not refuse to tell them what they wanted, they could make no objection. My psychology was in a very sensitive state and they knew it better than anyone.
"Very well. Let someone escort him to the psychologist's office."
"If I tell you... Will you tell me, too? " I turned toward him just before I left. I was well aware that I was not in a position to demand things, but I had listened to the policewoman, and now I realized it. Since my life would never be normal again, I wanted to at least know. I couldn't stand the idea of being dragged into this case without even knowing why.
"It's classified information that..."He began diplomatically, but for the first time I looked him in the eye and could make out that my gaze troubled him. With a blood-dripping look I didn't much help the rumor that I was crazy, but I didn't care. Everything I had around me was falling apart bit by bit and I wanted to know. I had a right to know.
"If I tell you... You will tell me."I repeated the sentence but this time I did not put a question mark at the end. In spite of my position, I still had little power over them since I knew things they not only ignored but needed. The things I would reveal, would have given them evidence of a case that seemed far more perplexing than I could have perceived before.
He stood for a moment looking at me with a discontented expression on his face. How easily the roles had been reversed within the same day was almost funny.
He didn't want to have a kid threaten him discreetly but if I didn't get information in return, I wouldn't open my mouth and they knew there was nothing they could do to force me. I was in danger in this case and not them. He didn't want to put it into words because it would have been like admitting defeat so he just shook his head positively.
They didn't have to drive me to the psychologist's office because I didn't have such bad orientation or memory that I didn't remember how to get there but maybe they felt they had to guard me for some reason.
I couldn't know if the scales were leaning more on the fact that they wanted to protect me, or they thought I was an unpredictable and imponderable factor.
I sat down opposite him, and he looked at me as if to ask me what I had got into again. I might have smiled at him if I had had the will, but I didn't. I wasn't in the mood for anything because that person had pierced my heart and now I was going to expose what we had shared together.
"I hear you. Tell me everything you know about Tanji Shizu."Just hearing her name was enough to make me ache. Not only was she the only one who knew what I was doing and had supported me but I had a great time with her even though I hadn't succeeded to follow the others on the field trip and she was the closest thing to a friend I had.
She had protected me a thousand times, and I might have liked her a little. But all this she had not done unselfishly, nor out of the goodness of her heart. She had done it to serve her purpose, which I did not yet know, and would find out as soon as I said what I knew.
I should have known that nobody does anything just like that though Saboru... He had ended up in the hospital for me. I didn't know if this was better. I had been hurt and I had hurt others and I preferred neither but the irony was that all of this happened while I was trying to avoid it at all costs.
As soon as I had finished my long narrative in a monotonous voice, so as not to show how much all this affected me, I closed with a thought which seemed to me more and more logical. There was no other explanation, and I was sure of it.
"In addition to admitting that she kidnapped me, I believe she was also the one who took pictures of me and posted them. She was the only one who knew of all this, and I had met her many times in the clubroom, though she said she did it to support me."My voice began to fade at the end. I wasn't sure anymore if I wanted to hear the truth because it would hurt me too much. I had one fantasy shattered, I couldn't keep another? How would I survive when the only person I could trust was in the hospital in God knows what condition and after all this he might never want to see me again in his eyes?
The psychologist pressed the back of the pen to close as soon as he had completed his notes.
"Are you sure that's all?" He asked to make sure. The truth was, I didn't want to talk a bit more about all this, but if I omitted information, then it would have to be reopened, so I made up my mind.
"Ah! I had heard a voice that might have been hers, but that I cannot tell you for certain."I did suddenly recall once more that female voice I had heard at school, and if I remembered correctly, it referred to some sort of plan or something.
I explained to him the scene that unfolded but he did not note because it had a lot of gaps since I was running scared when I had heard it. But he promised to report it to the chief along with the general report, and advised me to stay there. Even if he had asked me to get up, I don't think I had the strength to do it.
No one wanted me in that world and the police detained me just because I had committed an offence and had important information. I had never imagined that the situation would get out of hand so much when I started watching the children. One thing more, and curiosity would indeed kill the cat.
He returned after a while as his own business was only to hand over the papers with the information I had given him. He informed me that we had nothing else to do together and asked me to go to find the police officer who, as it was obvious, had taken over my supervision. I opened my mouth to object, but as if he read my thoughts, he answered me before I could even say what I wanted.
"We do not neglect your request. Amakijj-san will tell you everything you need to know."But this was not quite satisfactory, for it was interpreted in the following manner: She would not tell me everything except what they thought it necessary that I should know.
But I did not speak, and I tried to think of some way of persuading the policewoman to speak openly to me. She was the only one in there who seemed to support my right and need for the truth. It was like they were willing to turn my life upside down and I really couldn't stand it. They reacted as if all this mattered very much, but they also dealt with it with a simplicity that already made me very angry.
I went through a corridor and suddenly an arm was wrapped around me before pulling me into an even darker place. I started shaking and trying to resist or at least make enough noise for them to know something was wrong. A feeling of nausea began to overwhelm me as memories of the previous abduction were emerging in my mind. If the person behind all this was Tanji again and had managed to get inside the station without being noticed, then she was far more evil and dangerous than I thought.
"Don't make a noise, boy."I recognised the whisper immediately but just because I knew someone and had seen an aspect of them didn't mean I could trust them either. The other one made a fool of me on a daily basis for much longer.
I knew the policewoman for much less. Even if I wanted to do something though, her strength was impressively great and I couldn't break her grip. If the majority of police officers were in such shape, then crime would have been greatly reduced.
She pushed me into a car that wasn't a police car and locked the doors before she got in and started driving to an unknown destination. I felt as if my mind would desert me at any moment, for events were unfolding with such rapidity that I could not catch up to them.
Out of nowhere, I ended up living an action movie and everything was much darker and dirtier than it looked. I saw her grab something like a device of her uniform and break it before she turned to speak to me.
"Sorry, kid. I couldn't explain in there."Now that was supposed to give me some answer? For I understood nothing, and looked at her as if she were mad. I liked that I wasn't the crazy one of the group after all.
"Do you want to tell me what on Earth is going on?!"Not only were the plural and politeness forgotten, but my voice raised a tone considerably. I was tired of the whole situation. I could understand that I had made a mistake that would cost me but really wasn't that a bit too much as a punishment? How on earth did I get involved in all this when I wasn't even part of the guys' lives?
"I'll explain everything to you as soon as we get home. That's where you'll have proof that I'm telling the truth. If I tell you now, you'll only doubt me. If you're wondering why we couldn't talk there, check out a copy of the report the psychologist gave."Without taking her eyes off the street, she threw the copy at my feet and I began to read it because something told me that I would find evidence in it even if I had dictated it myself. Besides, there was nothing else I could do at that moment, and it did me no harm to have a look at it.
About halfway through, I started having a mild nervous breakdown. My whole face showed a lot of different tics, like I was on the verge of a stroke, and my heart started to drop like it was about to stop. A pain went through me as if some one had attempted to cut her in two. Just when I had been so miserably betrayed, I had made the mistake of blindly trusting someone I had met the same day. How foolish I might have been if I hadn't learned from my own mistakes?
"The most important points are missing and in some there are elements that I did not give..."I didn't care much about the importance of the document so I crumpled it in my hands and wanted to cry because I had been hurt. I had opened my heart to that man and told him all about my trouble while he had helped me with a few words. All lies?
"I had suspected him, and as I am not sure how many double agents are in the department, I have decided to take you to my house where we can talk openly."She explained to me, and I was sure she would like to hear my narrative once more so as to get the specifics she needed.
I expected her to add it but she didn't. Even if she did, I don't think I would have revealed it to her because exposing the other guy didn't mean she was innocent. She could have thrown dirt into my eyes or falsified the document. "Luckily I had foresight and had put a camera in his office."That explained why she didn't ask me and I was relieved I didn't have to say it again.
I said no more until we reached her house, if indeed she would take me there and not to Tanji. Anyone could be a suspect in there. If you couldn't even trust the officers of the law and order to do their job properly, then who were you left with?
There was nothing left in me either to hold on or to believe. As the days went on things got worse and worse, so perhaps it was best to stop my days at that moment before anything more happened.
"Here we are."I thought about trying to get away but she was very careful with these things as she put one cuff on me and the other one on her before we got out of the car. When we entered the room, I came face to face with the evidence to which he had alluded. It was so alive that it was hard enough for me to doubt it.
"Hullo! Ryo-kun right? " Kaoru greeted me as if it were the most natural thing in the world, and it seemed as if his kindly smile had returned powerfully to his face. It kept getting on my nerves, but seeing someone in that mess behaving as usual made you relax considerably.
"H-hi..."I said hesitatingly because I was sure that he would know why I was entangled with him and what I had done. I hadn't looked any of the others in the eye but Kaoru was also the only one with whom I had lived some real moments and the fact that I had even refused to be introduced to him while doing all these things caused an uncomfortable atmosphere. Though he seemed to think no such thing.
"Without further ado, it is time for you to know everything, and there is no better man to tell you than he."It was only at that moment that I remembered that the policewoman was there. I positively began to believe more and more of what I had before me, but I would never put my hand in the fire again for anybody.
I sat down hesitatingly on the sofa opposite the one on which Kaoru was sitting, and he began to explain to me how the situation stood.
"I was a former member of a Mafia controlled by Yakuza descendants. But at the end of high school I had decided that I didn't want to keep doing this with my life and that I wanted to get out of there. This, however, is not so easy,of course, since I had heard and seen much while I was considered a valuable member. So there's a sort of ceremony where you get attacked by all the members together, and if you survive, you have your freedom. They left me somewhere half dead and left, thinking that in a little while I would leave my last breath. That worked for me because when I was able to get back on my feet, they thought I was dead. My real name they never knew since we used nicknames so I wasn't in danger of being found out by it. I moved away from where they were active and I was transferring to another school."Then he made a pause as if he wanted to show me that everything had to go perfectly after that but it didn't go. It was the moment when he would say that big "but" that ruined it all.
"There was a member of the Mafia who did not want to accept my death and kept looking for me. I changed my look and tried to make up for my mistakes."Now it was as if I understood why he always tried to be kind and never resorted to anger or violence. He was trying to shake off the mafia crap from him. "But that was not enough. That person heard rumors that I might be the one she was looking for and went to very underground ways to find out. She tracked down people with problematic behaviors and did all sorts of things so that the trouble would be compacted in time and everyone would end up at my club. She thought this would awaken my old self and train them all to what I knew before, but her plans were spoiled."That was an exceedingly perverse and wicked way of thinking. I could not imagine what person would have such a mind as to put down an idea like this.
"That's where you come into the game, Haga."The policewoman took the floor, and I turned to look at her bewildered.
"Me;"
"Yes, you. That person couldn't keep an eye on him openly, and she happened to run into you at the very moment when she didn't know what to do. Then she encouraged you to monitor them to give her the information she needed. Does anyone come to mind?" I felt as if my pulse was carried through my whole body and began to beat like hundreds of hammers at every point. Surely she had betrayed me, and now I knew but all that....
"That was the plan...and I think I saw her among those who were shouting to Chiasa about the drum that had been broken by her nerves... She was everywhere, causing trouble... She was handling the threads.."I walked into a dark hole by myself with the sole companionship of my thoughts which came unconsciously from my lips as they passed through my mind.
I think someone rattled me and tried to get me back together but I couldn't get out of that situation and all the voices talking to me sounded like parasites on a broken phone. The policewoman shook me even more sharply and I began to scream without stopping. It was as if a switch had been turned on in me, and now there was no chance of turning it off. What had I done?