"Mal, it's raining, let's go dance", I said to my brother as I looked out the window at the pouring rain. He let's out a sigh and I turn my head to look at him. He has a scowl on his face, no doubt from being irritated by me. "If you keep frowning like that, you are going to get wrinkles faster and we wouldn't want you looking like an old man on the rightful age of 20 now would we?" I let out a giggle as I see him glare at me. Mentally he is shooting daggers at my head as I laugh at his expense. "Oh piss off Al, go dance on your own if you really want to. You behave like a child at the age of 17, but then you want to preach me about looking older because I "frown" too much. Really Al, you ought to learn to keep your mouth shut."
I gave him one look, stood up and went out the door. I made sure I slam it on my way out. He thinks because I like things like dancing in the rain and watching Barbie movies, I'm acting like a child. Where in reality I'm only trying to live my life as best I can. Enjoy the little things and laugh. But no mister grumpy has to be a buzz kill.
I guess it's not all his fault, after our mom died and my dad became a drunk, Mal had to take over the responsibilities around here. He used to be fun and laugh around. But maybe becoming a parent figure at 18 changes you. I walk down the driveway to dance under the street light. It's always beeen my go to. After mom died, I found a comfort in the rain. It's almost like I'm dancing with her when the rain falls onto my cheeks. The rain always makes me feel better. I remember when I was little, before mom got really sick, she would pull my father from his chair when it rained and she went outside and danced around like no one was watching. My dad usually stood there, watching her with a look on his face that you could only describe as admiration.
Mom was beautiful, she had golden hair that went past her shoulder blades and the brightest green eyes. She had a few freckles on her face and her skin was a olive shade. Her smile could light up any room she was in. When she smiled her dimple on her right cheek showed. I always felt like she completed me because I have a dimple on my left side.
I look up at the sky as I dance around and smile. The rain has me completely soaked and I couldn't care less. I'm happy and I feel close to my mom right now. She was always happy to dance in the rain and when I was around 8 she started dragging me to dance with her. I loved every moment of it. I got to see my mom laugh and I got to be with her. I took the moments for granted and when we stopped creating these moments I missed them. A year later 2 months after my 9th birthday my mom was diagnosed with stage for brain cancer. I never actually learned the cancers name because I refused to believe she was sick. Because sick people don't dance around in the rain or run around chasing an 9 year old. But when she stopped doing that I realized that she might be sick eve though I still didn't accept that anything would happen to her. One day I found her laying on the floor in her room and just like that she was in the hospital. She was in and out of the hospital since that day right up until my 15th birthday, when she was admitted again and the doctor told us to say goodbye. She passed away two days later and I never cried so hard.. Her death took a toll on us as a family and individuals, but it really worked on my father. He just lost the love of his life, his anchor, his best friend and his soulmate. It broke him and everyday after the funeral I could see my father slipping away slowly.
Even though my mother was sick, I would still dance in the rain, for both of us. After she passed I stopped until one night I had a dream about her. She told to promise her that I will never stop feeling the rain. The next day it was raining and I jumped up to go dance. Ever since then, I have been dancing in the rain knowing she is right beside me.
I look up at the sky again and send a kiss up there. I turn and head back up the drive way and plop down onto the porch swing. And this is when I start sobbing my eyes out. I miss you all the time mom.