How do you find your way to acceptance or to finally accepting that your just as fucked as the rest of the people because someone up above decided it'd be a nice joke to give you the worst losing hand. Why would you still care about people even though they have backstabbed you hurt you lied to you and worst of all twist the knife in your back all because you decided to be nice and give them that one redeeming chance even though you already know how it was gonna end up. Why do you still strive to be perfect in everyone else's image when you are already drowning trying to convince yourself that your good the way you are even with the good and the bad parts and most of all the worst parts. Its something that's both mentally and physically debilitating to the point where you literally cant get out of bed and continue to beat yourself up so bad that you don't know what to do but let yourself just fall.

Well, then I'm taking you on my journey to find the answer to that or at least try to find the answers while trying not to get more questions.

To start off I'm Alex just your typical teenager or so I thought who just isolates themselves for one too many reasons. My life has been mostly shit with my dad being an alcoholic and otherwise absent man who's always on "work trips", and my mom a drug addict and an abusive "mother figure" who does nothing but victimize herself because I oh so ruined both her life and body who also has undiagnosed BPD.As if I'm the one who told her to go and open her legs and lay down with the oh so many men from her high school football team. I've had to deal with it for the past 18 years of my life because I finally decided that this year I'm going to move out early and on top of all the bullshit and I suffer from Depression ,DID ,Anxiety and some other stuff I don't really feel like naming because well just all of this is enough by its self to put any sane person in the mental asylum.

But to add even more to the raging fire my social life is pretty much 10ft under outside of my literal angel of friend James. He's been with me for as long as I can remember and has pretty much been the only reason I haven't ended it all and yes he's a literal angel but I don't find that out till much later in the story your about to be in for.

Then there's my traumatic past that I have to deal with but we're not going to talk about that right now because that's what your going to find out about later and to be honest I hope you enjoy the bonfire of a shit show that's about to unfold.

Now that we've gotten that out of the way let's get on with my bullcrap story.