"What is your purpose in borrowing my diary?" Sangfroid eyed the vampire warily. "To humiliate me? To find my weakness?"
Vladstin went quiet, then stood up slowly. Leron told him to be polite but.... It may be late to do that anymore. He's already an untrustworthy figure in the people's eyes.
"Nevermind. May I speak with the Bishop instead?" Vladstin haven't seen this Bishop even once, but he had heard about him several times since he first encountered the Noble Huntsmen.
"The Bishop of Santimieda.... has passed away. " Sangfroid's face turned graver than before.
"During the attack or afterwards?"
"Afterwards. Three days ago, he had succumbed to his failing health condition and died in his sleep."
"That is unfortunate." Vladstin nodded. "Where was he buried?"
"Why do you want to know?" Sangfroid narrowed his eyes.
Vladstin wanted to drink the Bishop's blood. When he drinks blood from already dead corpses, he gains their memories of when they were alive and recovers them at his own volition. This is the best way to recover as much information about the Book of Xendros since he was the only person who read it fully and can understand the language it was written in.
But Sangfroid distrusts him to even disclose where the Bishop's body was laid to rest. He vaguely remembers from prodding Leron's memories (yes, he can do this to the living as well if he had bitten them directly) that the Bishop is like a father figure or a mentor to the Noble Huntsmen.
"It's not like I'm asking rudely." Vladstin made a deadpan expression. "I'm sorry for your loss, but I need to see this Bishop, dead or alive. He has the answers I need."
"Then can't you tell me the purpose of searching for the Bishop? Is it related to you wanting to have emotions?" Sangfroid sat up and tried to grab onto his clothes. "Vladstin, I have a better solution—"
"Lay back down." Vladstin ordered him.
"Vladstin, just listen to me for once!"
But Vladstin had already left, almost furiously so, and Sangfroid barely even saw his shadow go. The only sign of him leaving was the flapping of the tent's partition. Sangfroid rubbed his forehead frustratingly.
How can he convince the vampire lord at this point if he only wants things to go his way? Sangfroid is getting really confused, at times it felt like he was finally getting a chance and breaking down the walls that Vladstin set up for himself but at the same time, he kept slipping off his grasp. He's too fast (both literally and figuratively) for Sangfroid to catch up to his whims and finally get to talk about turning him into a human.
He really hopes the next days will be better than this.
--------------
Once Leron saw the zooming figure of Vladstin, he stood up from the marble floor. He didn't really do much but just meander and relax his mind and body a bit, despite the unnerving corpse servants.
He approached Vladstin whose face was unreadable. "How was it? What did you learn about? Did you talk to the Bishop, Sangfroid or Asver?"
"I talked to Sangfroid. He said the Bishop was dead." Vladstin said plainly.
Leron was shocked and looked down. He didn't know the Bishop that well, but he was like a father to Sangfroid. Among all his other hardships, he must have been secretly grieving for him.
"That is really terrible news. I wish I can comfort Sangfroid right now." Leron said.
"Well, he's watching us from the shard I give him. Say whatever you want to him." Vladstin lazily sat on his throne and raised one leg over the other.
Leron's eyes widened. That's right, Sangfroid must have been able to see everything. He turned around in circles, trying to see where he should look to properly 'face' Sangfroid's view on the shard. "Where should I look at?"
"Anywhere is fine, it's always in the best angle for viewing anyway, mostly bird's eye." Vladstin leaned on one hand looking magnificently bored.
"Then I'll look up!" Leron raised his chin up to face the sky. "Sangfroid, can you hear me? Can you see me?"
Vladstin scoffed. "It's not like he can answer you right now. You're acting silly."
Leron frowned. "What if he's sleeping?"
"Then you'll be a crazed lunatic talking to the wind." Vladstin said with no changes in expression at all. "The last time I left, he was being stubborn and wouldn't stay still on his bed. So it's likely that he's not sleeping. We'll learn eventually if he gets your messages the next time I go there."
"Then.... Sangfroid." Leron inhaled deeply, trying to imagine that he's really talking face to face with his friend. "I'm very sorry that you have to carry the weight of my people on your shoulders. And I am sorry for your loss, if not for the Bishop, there would be no chance for survival for Ilvedia at all. He is a godsend, and so are you. Know that I put my faith in you but also want you to take care of yourself, okay? I am always thinking of you and my people."
Vladstin then said. "Yeah, he heard that message alright."
"How did you know?" Leron turned to him.
"I sensed that his heart skipped a beat and experiencing high levels of embarrassment." The vampire lord said matter-of-factly.
"W-Why would he get embarrassed...." Leron was honestly dumbfounded by this.
"He's smitten by you, isn't it obvious?"
Leron's face reddened and his heart hammered on his chest. "W-What...."
"Don't act dense. I bit you, so I know everything about you. Your thoughts, your feelings, your secrets..... I know them all. You're perceptive enough to realize it from the way he looks at you since you reunited with him."
Leron rushed to him to stop him from speaking. "Vladstin, please—"
The vampire lord looked up to the sky. "You're hearing this, right? Your beloved prince already knows, no need to confess. And do you want to know how he feels about you?"
Leron tugged at his sleeves. "Vladstin, don't—"
"He also....."
Leron pleaded with him. "Vladstin, I'm begging you. Don't tell him."
But Vladstin didn't listen to him. Looking up, with his imitation of a mischievous smile, he said:
"He also doesn't feel anything about you the same as I do. He only sees you as a friend, maybe even a subordinate."
"That's not true!" Leron protested.
"Pick who you would believe. A known liar and traitor who brought the downfall of two kingdoms...." Vladstin still sounded taunting despite his impassive voice. "Or a vampire lord who can read his mind?"
It was like Vladstin splashed cold water on his face. Leron was speechless and can't argue with him anymore.
"Try to use your common sense instead of your blind loyalty to this man. You have been separated since you were eight years old. When you saw each other again, he cannot recognize you. There's hardly any time spent intimately between the two of you for him to regard you that way. And he had always seen you as a little brother or a charity case that he did not expect to become a faithful servant when he gets older. He utilized that devotion to saving his people and he's willing to reward you for it. But with his feelings? No. He can never reciprocate that."
Vladstin delivered the finishing blow with a sly grin. "He cares about you because you are useful to him, that's it. Like a slave."
"Vladstin..... You shouldn't have..... He's already suffering so much!" Leron's eyes reddened.
Vladstin regarded him quietly, eyes lifeless and no mirth. He then said. "He's asleep."
Leron's wet eyelashes fluttered several times, the tears starting to fall. "Huh?"
"He fell asleep after your heartfelt message. I can sense his heart beating softly. He didn't hear a word of what I said."
"T-Then...." Leron almost choked in disbelief. "Why did you say all those things!?"
Vladstin stood up clutching his face with his sharp claws. "I wanted to test you. I'm telling the truth, yet you denied it. Why is it always so natural for you to lie? To hide your feelings? You could have told him and made your relationship clear. Why are you giving him false hope?"
"I.... Don't want to hurt his feelings." Leron looked down. "I don't deserve to be loved yet I keep being loved anyway. But Sangfroid deserves to feel loved, so the least I could do is pretend, even if I don't really feel it. At least I could make him feel happy...."
Vladstin narrowed his eyes. "That's a selfish way of thinking."
"How is that selfish?" Leron was bewildered.
"You're not considering which will weigh more in Sangfroid's heart: the joy from being loved back..... or the pain from betrayal when he learns it's all fake. You're pretending to love him so that you would feel less guilty, to feel better about yourself." Vladstin sneered. "Did you never learn from what happened to us?"
Leron bit his lower lip and clenched his fist. "That's different..... I was young back then, and I thought it wouldn't affect you that much. Also, I really had no choice but to play along with you. But with Sangfroid, it was my decision because I value him as a friend and I know he already suffered enough."
"So you'd rather keep your relationship vague forever? To keep that friendship?"
Leron was vexed by this. "Why does it matter to you so much....?"
"I know how it feels to be used. I know how it feels to want to hide your feelings and be confused because the person you love is sending mixed messages. My former self knows this." Vladstin said. "How he behaves is how I will behave. I believe that he will sympathize with Sangfroid and find you unreasonable and frustrating. If he was still alive...."
He whispered softly to Leron. "He will say, 'Stop playing with people's feelings, you cowardly bastard. Stop trying to please everyone just so you won't fall out of favor from them. The real reason why you don't reject anyone is because you are greedy for attention and starved from the love that you never received from your father.'"
"Stop it!" Leron pushed him away. His face reddened from shame and the tears started to swell.
Vladstin stopped speaking and just stood there, watching him tear up. The emotionless corpse even seem to tilt his head a little from curiosity, like Leron was some morbid attraction to gawk at.
Leron couldn't stand facing him, and ran away. He didn't know where he was running because his eyes were blurry, and he couldn't seem to care. He would escape from here if he could, and even if Vladstin catches him, he'll just let it be. He wouldn't struggle and just let this shell of a vengeful man snap his neck. He deserves it. He deserves to rot in hell, to be tortured, to experience all the pain he caused, directly or indirectly.
He tripped, and fell down on a flight of stairs. Yet he just groaned and curled up on the floor, holding his bleeding head. He ignored the physical pain and could only feel the aching in his heart from self-loathing and regret.
Vladstin was right. He was always right. Leron knows he doesn't deserve any love, but craves it. So the moment someone gives it to him, whether Sangfroid or the former self of the monster upstairs, he will cling on to it without thinking of the consequences or taking responsibility for it. Despite knowing he can't return that love genuinely, he selfishly wanted the other person to keep loving and adoring him.
As he slowly lose consciousness, his blurry vision caught a glimpse of a white-haired figure standing before him. His mind muddled, he reached out and mumbled things he didn't really think clearly about.
"I'm sorry, but..... Was it so wrong to want to be loved without loving back?"
The figure slightly nodded.
"Then..... take back your feelings....."
"It's too late for that. Nothing to take back when it already disappeared."
"Then..... I will.... try to return them..... I will return them all to you if I could...."
"You can't do that. You can't force yourself to feel."
".....But I can learn... You too.... You can learn to feel again....."
Vladstin sighed and picked him up. In the end, he and Leron are just the same. Monsters with no heart, one living and one dead. Yet wanting to have one, wanting to be both loved and deserving of love. "....It might take a miracle for us to learn not to be heartless."
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