Beep, Beep, Beep.
My red alarm goes off and it shows 5:30 am. I go into my walk-in closet in my red bedroom. I look at my clothes and from it I choose my black turtleneck and some high waisted pants. I put them on, grab my phone, leave my red bedroom, and now enter the cyan bathroom. I prefer the cyan bathroom to my red bedroom; it has an ugly color but at least it is not one labeled for a girl. I brush my teeth with my white toothbrush and do what nature calls me to, then I exit the cyan bathroom. Into my beige hallway I walk in, beige being a neutral color, beige feeling more of my color, but not quite me. I walk in this beautiful neutral abyss until I stand outside my bedroom, my red bedroom.
I stand outside for a few seconds, getting ready for the thoughts that will rush into my head as soon as I step in. The thoughts that don't let me sleep at night. The thoughts that make me question who I am. The thoughts that make me question what I am. But never mind all that, those thoughts are not important. I know what I am; I was born a girl, so I am a girl. I know what I am according to science, I am the color red. And so, I step into my red bedroom, grab whatever it is I need and quickly rush out, hoping to no longer have any doubts. I go downstairs and wait down there. I wait in these tan colored rooms, these tan colored rooms that stop me from feeling so confused.
Beep, Beep, Beep.
The alarm on my phone, with a black case, goes off, it reads 6:50 am, time to leave. I exit from the front door, lock it, and leave to the bus. On my way there, I put in my ear bud and play my music. I wish that was all I did, but no. My insecurities get the best of me and I open my grey camera app and look at my hair and outfit. I regret not bringing a jacket because the lumps my stomach shows are not invisible. But hey, maybe I can ask one a friend for one. Once I reach the end of my street, I close the grey camera app because I cannot show any signs of being weak. Or at least, I do not wish to. I put my music back on and walk to the bus stop like I own the world. I hope this fake confidence is good enough to trick everyone else. And I hope my hair and outfit are good enough to pass as a red.
Flicker
My phone flickers on, the time shows 6:56 am, 3 more minutes until my bus arrives. I look around and see these colors, not many though, just two: blue and red. Now, in my world, you will notice blue is a lot more vibrant than red. It is seen more, and noticed more, and looked up to more. You get a lot of privileges to be blue, so I would understand why a red would want to. However, as I stare at these two colors, none seem to be the one I want. Not even good old neutral beige is good enough. I do not understand this feeling, why does no color seem to feel me? But, whatever, it's okay, as long as I can make it through the day. As long as I can keep up being fake.
Step, step, step.
I hear footsteps, my bus has arrived. Right on time too, it's now 6:59. Today is the first day of high school, my goodness I hope I can keep my cool. I walk in this yellow bus, filled with blues and reds, reds and blues. The red bus driver asks for my name, I tell her Jasmine, but God I hate that name. Why can't everyone just call me Jay? I hold in the name I desire and walk to a random seat to sit. I sit all alone, I guess a fake red is just something no one wants to know.
Well, now that you know my name. Lets see how everything else goes today.