"Vina, do you want to change your name?" the man asked her seductively. "Why do you look so displeased when I call you by your name?"

"Shut up!" Vina snapped. "I can't possibly change the name my mother gave me!"

The man in front of her just smiled and then just walked away from in front of her.

Vina Hansen sighed. She hopes to tell her readers that she is a realistic person even though she likes to fantasize. However, what was she supposed to say other than that her brain might have been damaged and she was having severe hallucinations? Maybe it is just a sad nightmare, maybe it's a reality that only exists in the minds of lunatics. Vina could almost imagine how the readers raised their eyebrows with disapproval expressions at her.

They should know I am sighing by now, she thought.

She really wants to type a status on her social media that she is not a good person who should take up the valuable time of her readers.

Vina is a girl, twenty years and three months old, who had never actually killed anyone. Usually she will kill the people she doesn't like, as well as those the public hates—whether it's ordinary people, artists, actors, celebrities, YouTubers… anyone—ONLY in her imagination, when she's going to sleep or just lying down for a while, just because she wants to fantasize.

Just because.

The reason why she was so addicted to daydreaming was that she thought that was her only friend all along, a true friend; even if she just fantasized in bed without ever typing it into a book.

Her readers might wonder. Why did she have to tell them this? What does that have to do with them, whether she has killed someone or not, doesn't it? Why should they care if she had really gone mad or was for real?

Yes, why, she thought to herself, walking down the path in front of her with thoughts drifting to both the end and the beginning of her life.

She did not know if they would read her laments, but she really did not care. She wanted to write down everything in her head before her brain exploded. After all, she still wanted to live a little longer, even if it was only three seconds.

She is an ordinary author on several well-known online-reading platforms, which only has a few thousand readers (some only hundreds, some just… collecting dust) and all of them are silent readers. They never leave any comments on her stories. There are only a few comments, only they are not from readers, but from online friends of fellow authors from related platforms who are exchanging comments.

Vina did that because she thought, maybe with the comments, readers will be interested in doing the same. However, it doesn't work at all. After that, she never again wanted to exchange comments with them. None of her online co-authors seems to want to waste time asking why she doesn't want to do that anymore either.

Vina is quite aware that she is not only transparent in cyberspace, but also in the real world.

Her childhood was actually quite happy, at least as happy as other children were her age at that time. She was in a family that could be considered poor, but they were still as happy as other families. Property matters have not bothered her much since the past, especially now that she can earn her own money and no longer trouble her mother.

Her income from writing bonuses on online platforms is sufficient for her life so far. At first, Vina joined to write there because she wanted to get recognition from readers, to get many fellow writers who thought like her. However, over time, she finally realized; online or real, Vina's life remains as it should be; between recognized and unrecognized.

Therefore, with that awareness, Vina now only has a solid mind that at least can still make her a little sane: she can channel her hobby of writing as well as earn money from the results of the writing bonus. She did not care if no readers bought coins to unlock the locked chapters of her story, if she can still get the main bonus from the daily update results and other main bonuses from the contract agreement of each platform.

This is the wrong mindset, using money as an excuse, but life compels her to do it. The new job field is really messed up these days.

Her life, however, remained simple, not as lacking as when she was a child, not as rich as one would imagine, but sufficient. Nevertheless, she was still not satisfied.

Vina is not satisfied with what God has outlined in her life, that she is not satisfied with what is happening to her life; everything was monotonous in her eyes. She could have blamed her mother or even God, but she still had some heart not to be the least bit rude. She did not say this especially to her mother. At least she always tries not to seem like a whiner.

One reason that Vina could be so dissatisfied with was, as she said earlier, that she seemed like a mere display in everyone's eyes: friends, relatives, other people. She seemed transparent to all of them; they almost treat her like she is neither unimportant nor important.

If Vina had asked them why they were behaving like that to her, they would have immediately been stunned with stupid faces and blank minds, because they really didn't have time to hold on to very trivial memories of her. Without even dropping their self-esteem, she already knew how their subconscious thought about her.

They only know that Vina is a living and breathing human. Just that.

Vina doubted whether they had ever thought a little more important than that one sentence.

She sighed softly again. She hugged her bolster tightly and closed her eyes again, trying to imagine something else. However, just as she was just imagining a scene in her mind, her mother's voice called out.

"What time do you want to wake up, Vin?" Vira Hansen exclaimed without the slightest judgmental tone in her voice. "It's ten in the morning. You really let your luck get pecked by the chicken, huh?"

Vina snorted softly, but finally opened her eyes, although still hugging the bolster pillow. "Come on, Ma, look what happened to the worm back there. They woke up very early, only to find themselves in the belly of the bird. What a pity."

"Vina!"

Vina groaned and released her arms, stretched out her arms and closed her eyes again. "I just went to bed at three in the morning, Ma."

"It's your own fault, isn't it?" Vira answered vaguely. There was a clatter; it looked like she was washing the dishes. "How many times have I advised you not to stay up too late until morning?"

"I work!" Vina retorted. A little offended that her mother always seemed clueless about what she was doing.

"The way you work is worse than someone who works in a big store!" Vira still did not want to give up. The sound of the pot clattering loudly made Vina sure that her mother had just slammed it in disgust. "I'm so glad you can earn from your hobby, but at least think about your health too!"

This time Vina took a deep breath, got up and sat on the edge of her bed, glaring at her bedroom door with a bit of rage. "My ideas run more smoothly at night, Ma! How many times do I have to say it so you can understand my situation?"

Vina's chest seemed to be about to explode because she was always dealing with this situation. In the past, when writing was just a hobby for Vina, Vira always scolded her by saying that Vina was doing vain, useless things. Even though Vina has also worked, writing activities still seem inappropriate in her mother's eyes.

Then, a year ago, when she finally found an online writing platform from a social media and got her first bonus, she tried to explain this to her mother who was also happy. The bonus she got at that time was very small; fifty dollars for the signing bonus of a total of thirty thousand words. However, both of them were still happy.

At that time, Vira seemed to understand, but then gradually she lost her temper again because of Vina's new habit of always getting up too late. Even when Vina found another writing platform that offered bonuses several times bigger, Vira still scolded her.

"If you keep forcing me to write other than at night, then I'll only be able to write half a page!" Vina couldn't contain her anger anymore; all this time she had been patient enough, thinking that it was only natural that Vira didn't understand her. "If I can only write that much, then I won't be able to earn any money! Who can give me the freedom to buy what I want but myself? If I had not found these writing media in the past, who would have understood that I actually wanted a laptop long ago, so that I could be more comfortable when writing a book? Who would understand that I actually wanted to buy and build a house and not stay on someone else's land all the time? Who will buy me a new phone because my old one is dead and often became error? Who would understand that I wanted to take home schooling for high school in order to get the minimum diploma to apply for a job?"

Vina finally stopped speaking. Her throat seemed to be stuck in something, while her voice trembled. There was no sound in the kitchen. Vira was silent, seemed devastated by Vina's words. Her eyes blinked, glistening. She had to hold on to the edge of the sink so she would not wobble and fall over. A few seconds later, Vira took a deep breath, then walked over to Vina's room and opened the door.

Vina stood up quickly as the door slammed open. Her mother was there, looking at her with a look similar to hurt. In an instant, Vina's heart touched, feeling sorry for saying those hurtful questions. Her lips parted slightly, but she seemed to have lost the ability to speak.

Vira stepped into Vina's room and stopped only two steps from her daughter. She smiled, her eyes still teary. While speaking, her voice also trembled like Vina before. "Why didn't you tell me all that before?"

Vina's mind suddenly went blank in a split second. "Why should I tell you?"

The smile on Vira's face swept away. "Is being your mother still not enough to make you speak the truth to me?"

Vina's thoughts returned, but her feelings of guilt that had surfaced were pushed back into her memory drawer. The girl looked back at her mother with an expression of disbelief. "In fact, I can't speak to you honestly because I know how our economic situation is, Ma! If I had said it all before, what would you have done? Debt like your ex-husband used to do? I thought you promised never to go into debt again!"

"Vina, you —!"

"Besides," Vina interrupted, a tear falling down her cheek, "I don't want to get what I want out of debt, especially if it's my mother who does it. Ma, you want me to tell you all that, while you still do not understand that I really, really understand your position. If I ask you so many things, while our income is only enough for our daily meals, how will you feel?"

Vira looked down for a moment and then raised her head again, looking straight behind Vina's head before finally looking her in the eyes. "I may be a little overwhelmed, but I will also work even harder so that I can fulfill my daughter's request."

Vina smiled briefly. She looked at her mother with mixed feelings. Vira was still forty-three years old, but she seemed ten years older than her actual age. If by thinking about Vina's school fees she already looks like this, what if Vina really said everything she wanted at that time?

"Ma, that's enough," Vina half whispered. "So far I've never complained about being in a situation like this, because… what's the point? What are the benefits? The reason why I did not ask you this and that… I said it clearly. I understand your position, our circumstances, our finances, our capabilities. Now at least I can fulfill my own request, so please, stop feeling that I harbor feelings of disappointment in you."

Vina sighed. "Also, please understand my position as well. I can still work in small shops or stalls, but the salary I will get will not be enough for us. In the past, I could have worked somewhere better, but they required minimum a high school diploma as a requirement. Now, the bonus I get from writing is not that great either, but at least it is sufficient and higher than where I worked before. I even got a high school diploma from the results of attending a cheaper home school, from the results of writing. I understand your situation back then, Ma, so I beg you to understand me now. I will not argue with you or respond to you on this matter again in the future. I always pay attention to my health as well as your health, I also keep helping you with your homework; I don't know what makes you always angry when it comes to my hobby… and my job."

For a moment, Vira looked at Vina who refused to meet her eyes. Finally, she gave a small nod and then walked out of her daughter's room, closing the door quietly.

Vina took a deep breath, then turned around and threw herself on the bed. She stared at the ceiling blankly for a few moments and then finally she positioned herself into the most comfortable position.

Let my brain imagine something so I can calm down.