"There are only three people that are special and mean the world to me" Jace said coming to stand by my side and looked at me as I did the same
"John, my mother, and you" he said
"And I'm not teasing you" he added
I held my breath and blinked my eyes
He smiled and took my hand
"This is my confession" he said and took us out of the room
I stopped us
"Uhm, where is the bathroom?" I asked
I needed to breath and I couldn't do that with him beside me or anywhere near me
After he showed me where it was, I hurried towards it and closed the door
I splashed water on my face and scolded myself
*Calm down, Mel, don't be flustered. You don't get flustered. Stop it. You're not a high school, girl*
With a deep breathe, I left the bathroom but, Jace was nowhere to be seen
Was he downstairs?
"Jace, are you down?"
"No" I heard him reply from behind
His voice seemed further than where he was standing. I shouldn't have turned so quickly because now, we were less than a feet apart
"Uhm" I said moving back
"I though you were downstairs" I told him
"I was arranging where you were going to stay" he said
"Oh, I s.. Wait, what? Where I'm going to stay? I'm going home" I told him
*Why would I stay over in his house? I can't, not with the way I am right now*
"The time is after twelve in the midnight. I am not letting you go home by yourself"
"You can just drive me" I reasoned
"It takes hours to reach your house from here and double for me"
"Wow, so this is just about you, huh?" I crossed my arms
"It would have been too late for you to rest when we reach your house and the car would be uncomfortable for you to sleep in. And beside this is not the first time you will be staying over at any house of mine"
"That was when we where working to catch that psychotic jerk" I argued
"And now is when I'm asking you to stay for personal reasons" he said taking my hand and leading me to a room
He went into the room, went through a door for a while and came out with a pair of clothes
"These are my shirts and shorts. I don't really wear them so you can feel comfortable"
I just looked at him
"Well if you don't want to, it's okay"
He was about to go back into the room but, I stopped him
"No, it's okay"
I went towards him and took the clothes from him
"Thank you" I told him with a smile
"No problem" he replied
"Also, as you know, there are no houses around here but if you still feel uncomfortable with opened windows, you can just press this button" he said and pointed to a button where I could reach even when I'm laying on the bed
I just nodded by head
"Good night" he said
"Good night" I responded
After he left, I went inside to change into his clothes and fortunately they were manageable. Baggy but comfortable. I settled into the bed which was, by the way, sweet and was about to start sleeping when there was knocking on the door
"Come in" I said
Jace came inside looking hesitant
"What is it?" I asked him
"I just wanted to ask you something" he said
"What is it?"
"You don't need to answer it"
"Okay, what is it?"
I was now getting curious
"I don't mean any harm by asking you this question"
"Jace. What is it?"
He came forward and sat in the bed's bench
"Can you remember the day that I snapped at you?"
"How can I forget? You pretty much hurt my feeling"
"Sorry"
"It's okay but, I'm sure that isn't what you wanted to ask"
"No. I remember saying some hurtful words to you and the you had tears in your eyes" he was now looking straight at me
"Yesss" I slowly said having an idea where this was heading towards and not fully wanting it to go in that direction
"When I went back inside to look for you, I saw Olive and she told me that you were crying"
I put my head down not wanting him to look at him. Traitors tears were at the brink of falling
"Why did you cry?" he asked but I didn't answer, I just kept my head down
"Mel" he called but, I didn't answer
One tear, two tears. Fortunately, my head was still down so he didn't see them
"What did I say that made you cry? I'm been thinking about it since that day and I just couldn't find the answer. Why did you cry, Mel?" he said softly
They started flowing
"Hey" he said and came over to my side and hugged me
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean hurt you again. I'm so sorry" he apologized still caressing me
"My mom" I started separating us
"Before I was born, my mom had also been sick, it was a even a miracle and dangerous risk for her giving birth to me. When I was four, the sickness completely took over her body that she had to be hospitalized for years. Surgeries were operated on her but, nothing improved, she was suffering a lot to the extent that even when she was still alive, she was on life support. One day, when I was eight, I went to visit her alone. This wasn't the first time since my dad ha to work even more so that we wouldn't go bankrupt. I was with her when she told me to call the doctor, she said she was feeling uncomfortable and asked me to call the doctor to adjust the tubes" I stopped
"It's okay, you can stop" he said
"I was so stupid. I should have just called the doctor like I was told but, no, I wanted to do it for her. If only I had called the doctor, she may have been alive till today" I chocked
Jace resumed his position of caressing me and I leaned into him
"Instead of calling the doctor, I ignored her protest and was going to do it myself. As I was doing that, I mistakenly removed the tube. She started gasping and I didn't know what to do. I was so scared, I should have called the doctor but, my mind was blank. When a nurse came in to check on her, she saw what was happening and went to call the doctor but, it was already too late. Before the doctor came, she was already dead. I killed her. I killed my own mother" I went full on crying
I had tried to ignore those memories by trying to put on a façade but, it wasn't completely working
"That's why you cried when I saw those things. I'm so sorry, Mel. I didn't mean it. I was just..."
"You were just angry. I know that's why I wasn't mad. Actually, I wanted to stop when you said those words but, I guess I couldn't. That's was why she died"
"Mel, look at me" Jace said and raised my chin to look at him
He tucked my hair behind my ear, wiped my tears and cupped my cheeks
"Because of you not stopping, I think I can finally have a shot at happiness. Ever since John died, I just wanted to die, I wanted to live in misery and pain then die miserably but, because of you, I want to change that. You wanted to help to your mom, you wanted to do something that would ease her pain and make her feel better even if it's a little bit. Don't ever say that you killed her. You didn't kill her"
"But -"
"She may have lived if you didn't do anything?" Jace completed my statement. I nodded my head with my eyes looking down
"That's bullshit. What if she still left when you didn't do anything? What would you say then? It's not your fault. You told me to stop blaming but you are doing the same"
"You are different"
"How? Because I don't see it. If you're going to keep blaming yourself then I guess I should just do the same. Come on, let's start blaming ourselves. I'll blame myself for John and you blame yourself for your mom. We pull our hair out and do all sort of thing to ourselves"
He stated mimicking what I was doing and playfully pulled his hair.
I started laughing and after some while he joined me
"See? Let's just stop blaming ourselves, okay?" he asked
I nodded my head and he hugged me again
"Mel" he called still hugging me
"Hum" I answered
"Let's start a new part of our lives together"