Unfortunately, nothing interesting happened. Jace was quiet, but I guess he would have been quiet even without me telling him to since he was, once again, on his laptop. He even stayed quite for over four hours. It is almost lunch time and he is still silent. Seriously, what is wrong with him? I really wanted to know what happened, but not because of curiosity or adventure any longer, I wanted to stop him from being in pain. Why? I don't know, I just wanted to do it
My mind went back to what he told me this morning,
"I don't think there is any one for me any where for me, Mel. I'm alone" Is he alone? Is he really alone? Is nobody really there for him? Why? I didn't know why, but I felt sad and angry. Sad towards him for not having any body if he really doesn't, and angry to those who presumably left him. I also want to tell him that he's not alone, that if he didn't have anyone, he had me with him, but I can't. Apart from the fact that I wasn't really sure why I wanted to, I haven't even know him for long, and also, what he also said this morning,
"And do you know me, Mel? We've just known each other for over two months. My normal self? No, you don't. You don't know me!" Although I somehow knew that he didn't mean it, he was right, I don't know him. I had only known him for over two months and it was not even on a personal basis, but on a official basis
"Uhm, Mel? I'm getting scared now" Jace consistent voice brought me back into the world. Only then had I realized that I had been staring at him. I re positioned myself hoping that he didn't notice, but of course, he wouldn't be Jace if he didn't
"Finally! I had been calling your name for ages but I guess you were so busing engrossing yourself in my face that what was happening to the world didn't bother you" he said with that irritating cocky grin that made me want to slap all the cause of that cockiness away
I rolled my eyes and was about to respond when
"Don't worry, you can look all you want, I promise that I will not sue you nor press charges against you" he just had to cut me off
"I wasn't staring at you, I just seemed to zone out while glancing at your face" I huffed
"Glancing, staring, looking, blah blah blah. As long as your eyes make contact with my face, it is all the same thing to me"
"Whatever. So cocky"
"So petty" I glared at him. He chuckled
"Any wayy, what would you like for lunch?"
I looked at him with raised eyebrow
"Two reasons" he stated, "one, I could not finish my gentle maness.."
"Gentle maness?"
"And two" he completely ignored me, "I was hungry and since I didn't want the same sex as me to take my change from you, I decided to just buy yours for you along with mine" Rude jerk
"If you are pl..."
"Are you doing or not? I am really hungry here" he was now on his feet
I gave him my lunch order which was just two pairs of salad sandwich with a bottle of sprite, but before he was completely gone, he turned back,
'Oh, and maybe this time, I can give to the same sex as you, a change from me" he said with a wink
"Get Out!!" I threw a pen, but the pen hit the door in his place. However, I could still here his laughter trailing down the hallway
JACE'S P.O.V.
When Mel woke me up, I could do nothing but stare at her face. She was really beautiful that it had to take all my will power for me not to kiss her. but it was rapidly getting difficult with the way she was breathing on me and the way she was staring at my eyes. Think Jace, say something before you do anything stupid. Think. I called her name, but even though she answered, I could tell it was absentmindedly. I called her name again. Don't just call her name, you duns. Say something
"I need to sit up" I mentally slapped myself while I physically bit myself. Seriously, that was what your supposedly master minded mind could think off. So smart, dumb ass
Thankfully, she sat up and apologized. For a moment, I wished she had just stayed there, then the air wouldn't bring back the night mare, nevertheless, I managed a laugh. I guess she probably knew I was faking from the look she was giving me, so I decided to say something before she could have the opportunity to ask something I didn't want to answer
"What's the time?" I asked her ignoring the fact that I had mine on me
She checked hers and told me that it was 7:05
"It's still early. What are you doing here?" I asked her not meeting her gaze
'And you are meant to be here?" she asked playfully, but I wasn't in that state of mind
"No" I firmly said. I had to get out of here, staying near her wasn't helping me in any way, rather, it was making me angry with myself
"Are you alright?" she asked me
"Yeah. Why would you ask?" I turned around this time to look at her
"You aren't behaving like your normal self" For some reason, this angered me. No body knows me, and nobody will. No body, not even you.
"And do you know me, Mel? We've just known each other for over two months. my normal self? No, you don't. You don't know me!" I said raising my voice
I looked into her eyes and I hated myself. There was no reason for me to shout at her, no reason for me to hurt her the way her eyes are showing
"I'm sorry" I signed, "I didn't mean it"
"No, you're right. You know what, I'm just gonna go back down. Sorry for waking you up"
Let her go. Don't stop her. Let her go, Jace. I told myself, but I couldn't
I held her hand before she could leave arm's length
"I'm really sorry, Mel" I apologized again looking into her eyes. She just smiled letting me know it was okay
You've apologized, now let her go. Don't hold her. I signed again, I just couldn't
"Can I borrow your shoulder?" I asked her
"Sorry?" she was confused. I pulled her down beside me, rested my head on her shoulder, and interpreted my question'
"Can I lean on you?"
"Um, sure" she answer, though I wasn't going to let her go even if she said no. I was comfortable
"Jace" she called me. I hummed in response
"I just want to let you know that you can tell me anything. I'm right here" she said
I signed again. I sure am signing a lot today,
"I don't think there is any one for me any where, Mel. I'm alone" I snuggled deeper into her shoulder and since she didn't say any thing, I began to sleep, but with one thought on my mind: Could I make an exception?
"I would like two salad sandwich, please?" I made my order. Unfortunately, it was a man, so I couldn't give my change to him.
I still felt bad about how I had treated Mel earlier this morning; I really shouldn't really have raised my voice on her. That why I even decided to buy her lunch. However, what she said kept replaying in my mind,
*"I just want to let you know that you can tell me anything. I'm right here"*
I really wished those words were true, but even if they were, I could not have any one put their life on the line just because of me, and especially not Mel
"Here" I handed Mel her lunch
"Thanks. What about yours?" she asked
"I ate it there"
"I really hope you didn't scare away the customers"
"You are the only person who think some thing is wrong with my eating. I'm a man, Mel"
"Oh my goodness, you really are. I'm sorry, I thought you were an infant child who used to play with laptops"
"Mel, does any of this..?"
"Shut it" she interrupted me, "I don't want to hear whatever you have to say"
"Are you sure. I would really like to clear the misu.." she cut me off with her glare. I shrugged my shoulders and just went to sit in my place
It was getting uncomfortable. It reminded me of when he used to watch me and disapprove of something that I had done or I had been doing.
I felt it again. At first I didn't mind, but then having Mel watch me continuously as if I'm an interesting scattered puzzle isn't sitting right with me
"Why do you think you are alone?" she asked and I froze on my system. I knew something from this morning was bothering her, but I didn't expect her to say anything. If at all, not this question, or any one either
"What do you mean?" I raised my head to look at her
"'This morning, when you said you were alone. Why do you..?"
"I'm alone, Mel. That's just it" I interrupted her. Surprisingly, I wasn't angry, maybe because it was true and I couldn't hide the fact that I'm a mess
"I really d..."
"6:05. Work's over. See you tomorrow, Mel" I really didn't want her to know anything about me, for both our sake.
"Jace" she called me before I could open the door. I didn't turn to her though
"I meant what I said. I'm here" she said. I turned to look at her
"Don't said or do things just like that. For all you know, you might not even mean it" I told
This water is heavenly, I thought to myself as the cold water streamed down my body. Although it may probably be called abnormal, to have a shower with cold water in the time of early cold spring, it was what I exactly needed right now. I really needed it to clear my mind
I was going crazy, Mel is really getting to me. Even if I know it's not true nor right, I started living in what she told me. I was not supposed to be like this, I am not like this. I was not someone who wants to depend on people and trust that person. No, I should not and can not afford to be that type of person, both for my sake, and the sake of that person
I made a mistake, I should not have held her, I shouldn't have kept her back. I should have let her go. But the scary thing is that, even if that exact thing happened again tomorrow, I still would have held her, I would have stopped her from going
I scoffed at myself. Nice going, Jace, I told myself. Nice going. I turned off the shower, changed into pants and a singlet, and went to the kitchen since I was hungry. I realized that I didn't have the strength or the will to cook, so I decided to order the well known I'm-too-lazy-to-cook-so-let-me-just-order-something food called pizza. After finishing just half of it, I went to bed with just one thing on my mind that I was not pleased with for even having to think about it
I wonder what Mel would say and how her face would look if she saw me eat those pizza, and called it just