During his whole Exam, his father was in the hospital... Irwan's final exam finished... After a long time, Irwan is finally free for a few days. [ Its winter vacation after final exam]
But still, he wasn't happy. He thought of his father, prayed for his father's safely back home..... But after a month... his father died in the hospital...
Irwan couldn't bear it. He kept crying at home. He cried and cried a lot..... He stood up and started praying to God saying, "i...i....it's fine... Mother wanted to scare me a bit...."
" Even if it's true that father died, he hasn't been buried yet..... God will surely do a miracle, God will do a miracle and wake him up in the last moment....."
He just wished it. And waited till the last moment.
But nothing happened...
Everyone cried.... his grandmother, uncle everyone cried..... Irwan waited till the last moment hoping for a miracle... Nothing happened...
His father was buried. He was standing in a side, a heartbroken boy. He loved his father the most.... cause his father was the only one that could understand him. And he is dead now.
Two days later, the neighbor came to comfort their mother.... his sister was little. She didn't understand anything..... His younger brother was with his mother..... They were comforting his mother and siblings. But they didn't say anything to Irwan to comfort him. They didn't even say the line, "Don't be sad Irwan"
Instead, they cursed Irwan
They said his father had a heart attack because of him. They balmed Irwan for his father's death saying he kept his father under pressure all the time.
Irwan looked at his mother... hoping the mother would say something... He thought mother knows how he was feeling... But his mother also said, "It's all your fault. Everything happened because you put him under pressure....."
Irwan kept standing there for a while... His eyes got a bit bigger after hearing that. His body was shaking.....
Irwan started thinking in his mind,
(What are you saying, mom....? Why would you say something like this....? Do you really hate me that much....? Don't you understand how am I feeling...? I loved my father too..."
Irwan looks a bit at his siblings. Everyone is comforting them. Trying to make them feel good...
Only Irwan is left alone, alone in a corner..... He couldn't bear the pain.... first his father died, and now everyone including his own family is blaming him rather than comforting him. He was thinking, why? What did he do wrong? His heart was breaking apart. He was about to burst into tears... But..... he didn't want anyone to see him cry..... He went to the bathroom.... sit in a corner of the bathroom. And he cried sitting in that corner.....
He cried without making any sound..... There is no one to hear him cry, no one to comfort him..... he is left all alone, remembering how nicely his father treated him.... how his father protected him when his mother hit him when he was a little kid..... The memory of his past started popping up in his mind...
He remembered his father once said to him, "Maybe for some reason, your mother doesn't love you as much as she loves your siblings... Maybe because you weren't with us for five years in your childhood, because of this reason she might not have strong emotions for you..... But do not worry... Your father will always love you... Always be by your side....."
Remembering all this he thinks,
He then started talking to himself, "Isn't this what you said father??? didn't you say that you will always be by my side....? (sob sob) So why did you leave me???.... (sob sob) Why?..... I have no one to be by my side, no one to comfort me, help me stand strong in this situation..... Everyone is cursing me... They don't understand how I feel.... Only you were the one, who always..... understood me.....believed in me, comforted me, why did you leave me like this? (sob sob sob) " . . . "God, Why?..... Why? Aren't I a good boy? Did I do anything bad to deserve this kind of punishment??? (sob sob).....
....
Four days after his father's death, they had to feed neighbors to show respect and pray for the dead.
Mother and his brother cried while embracing grandmother, aunt, and while talking to others about his father.....
Irwan was the only one who didn't cry... His cousin [older sister] came to talk to him along with her friend, maybe to comfort him, but he didn't want to show is his sad face to anyone... After four days of his father's death, someone is trying to comfort him... He smiled at them, joke around with them... laughed with them... He thought,
(Comfort? Sympathy? I don't need any sympathy now.)
He said to his cousins, "Don't worry about me... I am not a little kid anymore. I am already over it"
But he felt like his heart was breaking apart, with the pain of sadness....maybe cause it's the first time someone is talking to him and not cursing him...
He just didn't want to show it to them.... he kept silent and left the place.... to be alone for a while...
His cousin and her friend were confused why Irwan was mocking around. They didn't even understand that he was just putting up an act...