Chereads / Red pillows / Chapter 9 - Listen to the ocean let ur tears drown in them

Chapter 9 - Listen to the ocean let ur tears drown in them

I don't feel good my back hurts like hell my leg hurts too i just wanne disapear for a while be gone yk just for a while then idk if i want to come back i hate it i can't see i cant talk everytime someone taks back to me or taks a litte hard im broken and cry inside and sometimes outside my family just thinks it's a fase and it will be over or wanne talk about it but i know they wouldn't understand i just want help i need help but nobody can help me i'm far gone i'm just mad all the time im so bitchie kan der niks aan doen i can only explain my pain in another language it hurts to stand up everytime so early and go on with the day get home and live a lofe i never wanted to live

I wanne give up nothing realy kees me alove except the people that will miss me i don't wanne hurt them i don't want them ti cry when i die i want them to

Be happy but if i die i know it will never be the same my cousin told me he would wanme die with me then en my father said he would kill himself if i killed myself i donMt wanne do that to them i don't wanne hurt them but i just can't lice any longer it hurts i'm litterly in pain and i have to pretend to be strong for everyone else i have to be strong for you and al the others that need help i just gotte be strong maybe it will get better that's what they all say right?

Were treated like children and we gotte be adults what do they want from us

I kinda feel liek crying but i gotte stay strong nobody has to see my weakness

I just want a binder for myself i wanne be a man and woman but no one can see how i fee nobody understands what i want i wanne figure it out i wanne live a good life and trying things but nobody understands i need my family to stand by my side but they just make fun of me for wanting to be a boy too i don't feel like they want me to be my self they learn to be yourself they learn to love yourself but when i do they make fun of me MY OWN FAMILY makes fucking fun of me for wanting to be a boy and girl like is that to much to ask i just wanne be happy that's all im asking i want rest and i need to find myself but your all precherong me to be someone strong wich i'm not i am weak i can't be so strong anymore like i used to i wish i was strong but im weak and there is nothing wrong with that it's just that it's making me not wanne go anywrre just stay in bed and slowly die in there cause i don't fucking care anymore i even tought i slowly turned into a sociopath of bipolar and

I wanne tell them how i feel but somtimes some things keep unsaid

My sanity slips and then slips trough the cracks it will go into your veins and it will make you slowly insane maybe it will let you die peacefully or in pain it will take your breath away

*lyrics from a confident sad song*

Make me go in pain make me

Go insane

It makes me sad seeing al these people die but when i see my own family die im not really in pain i can't relate with all of them but i relate to the pain they feel i hope i'm gonne die as soon as possible im not happy i am in pain everyday standing up going to school why i stay in bed so long is because i love my dream work i hate standing up and doing something im afraid of my future caus eim too lazy to live they're thinking i'm dumb so i'm gonne give them som shawn is inside my head he controles me sometimes i hate when he does that i'm not a good person when he controles me i am in pain i wanne hurt myself when he is there no one else can see him but i can see him and hear him laughing at me i'm done with everything done with this world done with people telling me whats good for me i hate it they should stop doing that i donmt know why i feel so sad when im just a little worried but everything always comes at ones i hate my bipolar ass just stop being sick you can be such a pussy such a dumbass i hate you why am i stuck in your body i would never choose this life i should end it for you i will help you end it i will make you remember why you should end it you're suffering you wanne watch everyone burn so unless you have a lighter kill yourself it will be for the best maybe they will miss you but they will get over it my friends got eachother and my family has eachother you don't fit in witht hem your only dissapointing them it hurts you everyday now stop being such a woos and do it just do it it will make your pain go away and you can start over.