Juliet
It was my birthday; we decided not to make a big deal about it or celebrate; drinking and having to exercise all day long didn't go well together. There was a knock at the front door, distracting me from my work for a moment. I quickly glanced over to the crib next to me… Caleb was fascinated by sparkly toys going around in circles above his head.
"Juliet!" my dad called me.
I walked out to see a package on the dining room table. I tilted my head, wondering what was going on because I knew what it was. The scratching gave it away, and the little heartbeat raced; its purr resonated in the box. A stupid smile spread over my face. I bit my bottom lip. It had been a long time since I had felt anything… let myself feel anything. My heart slowly swelled with happiness. Everyone was watching me closely; I hated being scrutinized like every little thing I did could set off a bomb. I thought I'd proven myself in the last three months. I hadn't thrown one tantrum or had one episode—neither had I done anything stupid… well, not like always. "It's Catty!" I jumped up, clapping my hands together. The emotions finally got the better of me. I ran to the box, took the knife from my dad, and carefully cut it open.
"The cat you wanted for your tenth birthday?" my dad asked.
"The one you didn't want to buy me, remember. I begged for days. It was the only thing I ever asked for, and you wouldn't give it to me." My dad bumped my nose with his finger. "Well, this could only be from one other person if it's not from the two of you."
"Happy Birthday, baby girl," he kissed my cheek.
"Thank you, daddy." A little black and white kitten stood on its hind legs, clawing at the sides to get out. I picked her up and pressed her tiny body into my nose. I closed my eyes, thinking about Michael for a second; he wasn't my watcher anymore and wouldn't see how happy he had made me. I'd probably never see him again; I missed him and the fun we had… I wished I could bring him home with me… I paused, pushing the cat into my father's hands. "Check both my kids for two seconds."
My dad was already playing with my cat and shooed me away while I ran down the steps into the road. It should've been a red flag already. I should've stopped right there. I should've known better; jumping up and down and delving into emotions always led to a disaster. Nevertheless, the flame was lit. I hoped I could see him again and stopped where the watchers usually came out of the teleporters—the spot was empty—so I kept running down the lane, thinking Michael might have dropped her off by car.
I saw nothing as I ran around the bend leading to the rest of the world. Warden appeared in front of me, startling me. I stopped with my hands on my waist, trying to catch my breath. He constantly disapproved of me with a confused expression, judging all I did. I didn't know why he didn't like me. "Get to the point. Did you deliver the box?" he nodded, "Crap… Thnx."
I turned back to the house. "Juliet!" I stopped. Warden landed and handed me an envelope. I grabbed it and flinched at him, shaking my head, "Why would you not give it to me… Weirdo." He rolled his eyes and flew away.
I ripped open the plain white envelope. Inside, scattered on the bottom, was glitter and sequence and rice… together, with the most beautiful paper I had ever seen. It was folded neatly. I opened the single sheet and read the golden handwritten calligraphy.
You are cordially invited to the wedding of:
Michael Heinz – The loving man
And
Juliet Samantha Farrow – The loving woman
I burst out a loud chuckle. I didn't think Michael was really serious. Smiling, I read the following sentence.
"The Physics of Love…." My hand stilled around the paper. The hole in my chest became abruptly a little deeper. I missed him so much… I had been so busy, not allowing myself to remember better days... with any of them. My eyes darted frantically around me, searching for him up and down the road, into the woods, like he would be standing somewhere watching me. There was no one. He wasn't there.
The Physics of Love
Mass is not proportional to volume.
A girl as small as a violet.
A girl who moves like a flower petal
Is pulling me toward her with more force than her mass.
Just then, like newton's apple,
I rolled toward her without stopping until I fell on her,
With a thump… With a thump
My heart keeps bouncing
Between the sky and the ground
It was my first love.
(Christina Rosetti)
However, good Michael meant it—his gesture of a promise of a future too far away—had the total opposite effect on me. I knew why Warden didn't want to give it to me. All the memories of what happened on the farm came flooding back. Only the two of us—alone— for so long. The drinking… The freedom to do what we wanted when we wanted. How he treated me. It was so easy with him. I didn't let myself realize how much the control had gotten to me; the constant faking—pretending—had snuck up on me. My mind and my heart were floored with the first taste of anything real, something actually worth living for, reminded of all the standards I had for my life. I wanted to kill myself on the compound just to be free—happy. I had grown up forced to accept my fate, and it sucked. I didn't want it then, and I didn't want it now; I only had a year left to live. I was giving it up for what? Being together but not really together. Marcus's words echoed in my mind daily… 'Before you had enough, tell me.' He meant before I jumped down a mountain; they knew me so well, and yet none of them could make it better.
"No!" I screamed at my own thinking, "Get freaking control of yourself… Right now!" I balled my fist and willed myself to return to my human face. I was struggling, unable to curb my manifestation, and screeched into the air so loudly the birds flew away. I didn't want to live like that. I didn't want to love… like that. Chris and I haven't even spoken in months. Whenever his yearning eyes landed on me, I would break it off, hurting the special connection we had.
A few moments of deep breathing was enough to eventually control my emotions. I fell to my knees out of pure exhaustion and breathlessness. The pain in my heart burned as I fought my impulses to turn into a raging demon eating everything and anything in my path… I kept fighting it until it went away… I was not going to hurt Louis anymore. I coughed up blood and spat it out, pounding my chest with a fist, wishing the burning would stop and not spread into my shoulder and burn my back until I passed out from the pain… I glanced up at the house; everybody was standing and staring. Louis was fine; I closed my eyes, thanking the universe. I was doing a crappy job of sorting out my house. Who would have known a cat and a poem could break down all my defenses? Stupid… little Juliet. Everyone wanted to come and comfort me. I held up a hand, waving them off. I wanted to tell Marcus I couldn't anymore… I just wanted to make them leave before I threw away months of his efforts in trying to stay there with me. Fighting to stay. Isn't that what I wanted? Like Chris said—I wanted all of them and these were the consequences. My mom and Louis quickly took everyone away. I forced myself not to cry—I was so sick and tired of crying.
Pillows behind me propped me up; my legs were pulled up close to my body so Caleb could sit on my lap, looking at me. I smiled when the kitten jumped on us while we were playing with his toys. Caleb had a few hours of awake time before he went to sleep; I liked to sit with him and just look at him—talk to him. He fixated on me like I was the best thing since chocolate cake, "I love you to bits, little guy." I liked touching his face, holding his little hand, and playing silly games with him.
After some time, he would usually yawn; I would get up and rock him to sleep. My body was aching from all the practice; we had learned a new move, and the strain of so many hours had reached every nerve. My emotional outburst earlier didn't help—something felt off; it was more than only muscle pain. I shook my head. It felt like I had been drinking, my vision blurred. I wanted to put Caleb down, too tired to hold him anymore; everything went dark for a few seconds; then, I heard crying in the background as my vision returned. I had Caleb in my arms, already asleep. Confused, I looked down at my empty hands. Caleb was on the floor crying—no bawling. "F—! Marcus!" I yelled. He was at my door in two seconds, pulling on the door handle.
"Whack. Whack," he banged on the door. "Juliet, it's locked! Open up."
I wanted to pick Caleb up. Tears dimmed my vision. I didn't want to drop him again. "MARCUS!" I bellowed out, and he kicked the door open. "Get Caleb quickly." Behind him, bodies flooded the room. He rushed over and bent down towards Caleb. Knowing he was safe, I let go of my control; it was instantly foggy around me. The whole world was covered in a white-glazed auro. Every person in the room was different. I couldn't really see them, although I knew who was who. I stood still in one place, trying to move. I couldn't even lift a finger. All I heard was Caleb. I felt the wetness on my cheeks but couldn't wipe my eyes. So many people together were too loud, coming in and out of the room as I stood frozen.
***
Marcus
I left my door open to hear what Juliet said to Caleb every night; I didn't need to lock it anymore. She had not tried to ruffle any feathers for a while. Her routine was the same every day. The two of them will spend an hour together until he falls asleep. She would soon follow, passing out from sheer exhaustion. Caleb only woke her up two more times during the night, and no one was allowed to help her—not even Cindy. We were all worried about her. She wasn't stopping at all—or for anything. We were all busy the whole day long, and coupled with her sleepless nights, she had us all watching her every move. She had changed so much in those last few months I didn't even recognize her anymore. Her spark was gone. She was like a machine. Earlier, when she was happy for the first time—revealing a sliver of her old self—I couldn't care who gave her what. We begged Chris to come back the previous month if only to fill the void again, but they weren't in a good place either, and he had made the situation even worse.
"Marcus!" That cry of hers… for me… always made goose flesh run up my arm and down my back. She was crying out to me as if I was the only one who could protect her. I was jolted out of my chair, running, whether my grandfather saw it or not—I couldn't care. Breaking through the door was awful; seeing little Caleb on the floor screaming was unbearable. I had never heard a baby make such a noise before. Juliet was silently sobbing. I rushed over to pick him up; I needed to see if he was okay.
"Get Warden! Chris!"
It wasn't necessary; the white figure pushed through the door, ready with a device. Warden scanned over the little guy, "He's fine."
I scooped him up and put him on my shoulder. Although Caleb couldn't purposefully lift his little head yet, it involuntarily came up with every scream, his face bright red, not taking enough breaths. I kissed him while rubbing his back, so happy he was okay; it could've been much worse. He could've died. Juliet wouldn't be allowed to be alone with him anymore; it was too dangerous. It was going to put even more strain on our situation. Still, that was why I was there. My heart broke for the little guy. It was a very far fall. He was frightened.
Chris came over and wanted to take him from me, "You okay?" he asked as I put Caleb in his arms.
I shook my head; how could I be? "Where were you?"
I glanced over to Juliet, who was just standing there. Michael wouldn't be rushing in to come and help stop her spells or monitor her afterward. I was a bundle of nerves approaching her, not knowing what to expect. My eyes darted to Chris, "Louis!"
He handed Caleb to Cindy and ran upstairs. We heard him yell, "Liam!"
"This isn't good," I whispered. Cindy left the room. Caleb was loud, and he didn't want to calm down.
I had to touch her; hesitating, I lifted my hands, scared to unleash whatever she was turning into; her face scared even me, "Juliet… I'm going to touch you." My hands only grazed her skin, and she shook her head and came back to herself. Her eyes changed back to blue like the last time she had fallen into my arms. That afternoon, we witnessed her fighting it and conquering it. We were relieved and happy, although the episode before we were called to the embassy left her at least still lucid—she was regressing and dead weight in my arms. I put her gently down on the bed. She wasn't sick and puking, though.
The strappy strings of her tank top left most of her skin exposed. I needed to assess the damage; fearing what I might see, I gripped her shoulder roughly, squeezing the flesh before I pulled her forward. I drew in a breath as my eyes widened; her whole back was covered from shoulders to waist. Where the leathery texture met her skin, it peeled up and exposed the inside of her flesh, merging with the new. I pushed her over onto her stomach and ran upstairs. Louis was being sick into a bucket. I walked over to check his shoulder; it seemed he was one episode behind Juliet. Rubbing his back, I took the bucket when he was done. He fell back onto his ass, exhausted and out of it. Chris picked him up and took him downstairs to take a shower.
I cleaned Louis's room, where he hadn't made it to the bucket. When I was done, I went downstairs. Chris turned off the water as I came in. Louis lay back, sitting on a bench in the shower, "We have to start making plans," I said softly. They both nodded. "I know you guys don't want to split up, but it's time we find Rodrigo. Even if we don't, maybe something could slow down the process… I should go. It's only logical it should be me," I suggested.
"I can't leave her," Louis groaned, trying to sit up.
Chris didn't say anything, rubbing his hands over his face, "I'm the only protection she has right now."
"And Caleb…" Louis rasped, "If you go… and leave Caleb, all sides are protected, like after the birth."
"It's not to say we'll find the guy," Chris raised his voice slightly.
"It's getting worse, Chris. We're running out of options. You have to," Louis countered. "Marcus can't go alone. She'll never understand why he left."
He reluctantly nodded, pulling his mouth in that upside-down frown he did. Chris turned around and left the bathroom. He walked down the hall towards Juliet's room. I heard him go in. A moment later, he exited the house with her in his arms.
***
Chris
Juliet had not spoken to me in months, and they wanted me to leave again? When we come back, she might be dead or have turned into something unrecognizable… I didn't want to go. I wanted it all to be over. Walking up the mountain path with her in my arms was the first time I had been able to get close to her. Something had shifted in her, and I wanted to know what was going on. I wasn't leaving before she told me. It was better when she was pregnant; at least then, she was begging for attention. Juliet, so hardhearted—scared me. If Louis got two weeks with her, I also wanted to have her before Marcus and I had to leave again.
After three hours of walking, our Cabin came into view. I carried her into the tiny space towards the bed; it wasn't much, and yet enough for her and me to disappear. I settled her on her stomach so her back wouldn't hurt even more. My hands shook as I gently tore off her shirt to release any pressure—too overwhelmed by the sight of her. Juliet's whole layer of skin was peeling—exposed around the edges—raw and white. She was hurt and suffering above everything else we had to endure. I slowly covered her with a sheet up to her waist and jumped up; outside, I called Warden into being. "Give her what Michael gave her last time so she can sleep this off." He bit his lip, staring at her back, and nodded. He disappeared, and it was like an eternity before he came back. He took out a little black pouch and, moments later, injected her. "Can I talk here?" he nodded, "You heard what Marcus said," he nodded again, "Is it even possible?"
"Try the 16th of April in two weeks when Qadir is off the compound."
"Thank you… Can we have something good to eat when she wakes up?" He smiled. "This time, don't tell anyone."
He laughed lightly and agreed, "How about I let Samuel deliver it."
"Best idea. If he would."
"You kidding? He misses her so much."
"He saw her for almost three months before the birth and over Christmas. He saw her more than me."
Warden's happy countenance turned into a confused expression. He shook his head slowly from side to side, "Samuel wasn't there?" I hadn't been jealous of Juliet in a long time. But her not saying ticked me off. Her ignoring me for months pissed me off. "It was only her and—" I lifted up a hand, stopping him. I turned around. Was my head still so deep in the sand I didn't even know when she slept with someone else? I lifted my head to the sky, trying to come to grips with it. Warden didn't leave, "This is all my fault… Michael gave her a birthday present. It caused a setback. I had seen her fighting for so long… I knew one stressful, emotional episode would be bad… She just feels too much."
"What did he give her?"
"Well, besides the cat… a letter." I held out my hand. Another freaking letter breaking her into pieces… He disappeared and came back, putting it in my hand.
The following morning, Juliet slowly woke up moaning... Why was she already waking up? Wasn't she supposed to sleep for three days? I was beside her in the bed and stroked some hair out of her face. I lifted up on my elbow to check her back. The skin had melded seamlessly with the patch that had grown and covered her; it looked so much better. She was mumbling in her sleep, her body twitching, "Caleb…! Louis…?" Juliet said, unsettled, as her eyes jumped open. When she saw me, her gaze drifted past me, and she scanned the room, "Where are we?"
"Caleb is fine. Louis too…"
"He is?" Tears pooled in her eyes, throwing her arms around my neck. "I'm so sorry… I didn't mean it. I promise."
I chuckled softly, "No one would ever think you would deliberately hurt anyone, Juliet."
"Really? You believe me."
I pulled away from her and kissed her forehead, "Yes, really… Juliet, something happened."
"I know. I was there staring at all of you. I couldn't move. I was trapped."
"What?! You should've seen your eyes and your face... and you're back…." I gesture to behind her.
"Is it bad?"
"It's not bad. It's just… bigger," I overexaggerate with my hands.
"You're not grossed out yet? My skin hasn't started disintegrating like the zombies on TV."
I laughed lightly, "No… Not yet… Maybe when I'm done with you… You might have blue marks to conceal… Or maybe I should go get a belt."
"What did you say? No! You wouldn't dare…." her eyes were tiny slits.
"So, you sleeping with other people is okay?" I muttered.
Her face hardened; that internal struggle loosened… I took a breath—here we go… I couldn't wait…Thank you, Michael, for giving me a reason to get her back.