Mai is in Ivani's car. As new college students, they are indeed not allowed to bring a car to campus, but that does not mean they cannot be picked up by car. Ivani asked the driver to pick her up, because Mai and Ivani's houses were in the same direction, so Mai was riding in her car.
"That's it, Mai. I'll take you home. Your feet still hurt. I'll never let you take public transportation with that condition," said Ivani forcefully. Mai had refused. She didn't want to be a bother, because she could take a taxi home.
"Yes, thank you," said Mai, who finally gave up.
"By the way, you haven't told me yet, why did you get hurt? Your careless hasn't disappeared," said Nica, one of Mai's best friends.
Nica is a tomboyish girl, her face is sweet, and has long hair. This long hair is maintained by Nica because of her mother's request. The reason is that Nica's behavior is more like a boy than a girl. Her hobby is climbing trees, when she was little she didn't like playing with dolls, instead, she preferred to play football and play boys' games. Lastly, Nica rarely wears a skirt except for a school skirt. Her mother was afraid that Nica would be mistaken for a man if she cut her hair.
Nica majored in informatics engineering together with Eddo. Her house is opposite Mai and Ivani's direction, so they took Nica home first, usually, Nica likes to bring her motorbike.
"I was late this morning, then I was sentenced to run by a senior, then I fell and bled, then I had a panic attack... Aargh, I feel really ashamed." Mai said, she covered her face with her hands. A pink tint appeared on her cheeks as she remembered what had happened this morning.
"Embarrassed or happy? It's nice to be able to hug that handsome man, wearing a hug too. You're so lucky, Mai." Ivani said sarcastically.
What's lucky? Shouting hysterically like crazy people called luckily. Not really.
"You know that everyone was watching you throughout the ospek. I mean the girls. They're so jealous of you. Especially, Luna, she's just stubborn by nature," said Ivani, calling their senior the most annoying during the activity.
It's bad, Mai doesn't like being the center of attention, especially in a new environment. She didn't want to make enemies. After all, she also accidentally hugs a man carelessly. Mai became even more embarrassed when she realized that the man she had just hugged was also the man who carried her to the clinic.
"Oh wait. Hugging men? Which men are you hugging?" she asked.
"Aaron, the vocalist of The Whale Gray, Thomas and Eddo's band. Mai had a panic attack and Aaron helped her. He's a medical student who is also on the Ospek committee. And he's so cute. He's my type." Ivani said. Ivani's eyes lit up like neon lights when she told her about Aaron. Ivani seems fascinated by the Caucasian man.
"Ah, you guys are called cute," said Nica with a sneer.
"It's cute. And his smile... So cute. I can melt every time he smiles." Ivani said with a smile to herself again.
Nica crossed her arms on her forehead and Mai laughed at her.
"Why are you even laughing at me? huh." Ivani said annoyed.
"After all, you are stupid," Nica said by pushing Ivani's head.
Ivani's driver, who was focused on driving, only glanced briefly from the rearview mirror. These three girls just ignore telling stories in front of the middle-aged man.
"Just try it, then you will meet him. By the way, his cousin, Riven. He is also handsome but he is flirtatious, ignorant, too confident again. Not my type. I prefer a calm and sweet man," said Ivani again.
"Who else is it?" Said Nica.
"Senior in Economics. The guitarist in The Whale Gray." Said Mai.
"They're both still better than Boban. He's annoying," said Ivani.
Among the children of The Whale Gray, they had only ever met Boban. That's because Boban lives at Eddo's house. Boban is a quiet man who is straightforward, likes to talk as he is, the male version of Nica. Because Nica also likes to talk nonsense. Unlike Nica, who tends to be busy, Boban has a cool style but his words can pierce the heart. Boban, who is also a law student, actually has a pretty decent face, but according to Ivani, that's annoying. Only one thing still makes Mai and her other friends wonder, since meeting Ivani, they have never gotten along.
"I'm so curious," said Nica, after hearing the excited story of her two friends.
"See!" Ivani said mockingly. At first, Nica said she was not interested but now she said she was curious. Nica quickly changed her mind.
"Yeah, I'm not interested in being handsome. I'm sorry, I'm only interested in men who can beat me in karate. So far the men I've found are easy to beat. I just want to prove your story." Said Nica.
Nica is good at karate. The black belt that she owns, where is there a man who dares to be with Nica, it is proven that until now Nica is still single. Among the three of them, only Ivani had been in a relationship, but this time, the beautiful curly-haired girl was also single.
"Why are you silent, Mai?" Said Nica who had been watching Mai from the start.
"I was just thinking about the nightmare. I felt like it was real." Said Mai.
Her brief conversation with Aaron in the infirmary had enlightened Mai that the dreams that had been haunting her all this time were not ordinary. The dreams could be memories, events she couldn't remember. The dream was probably a real event and Mai was even more afraid to imagine it, remembering in her dream she pushed a boy down and hurt his head until it bled. Oh God, I hope the child doesn't die, she thought.
"Why don't you just ask your mother. Your mother will know," said Ivani.
Mai also looked away, that's the problem. Her parents never wanted to talk about this. How could she ask but maybe it wouldn't hurt if she tried again.
-----
Mai was nervous too. She wanted so badly to talk to her mother about the dreams, she did but she hesitated, again and again, afraid of her mother's reaction. But she had to find out, she couldn't take it anymore. These dreams can make her crazy overtime or maybe she has gone mad. Mai took a breath and gathered her courage. After dinner and her father entered the workroom, Mai sat next to her mother who was busy watching soap operas on television.
"Mom, can I ask you a question?" She asked slowly.
"Ask what, honey?" said her mother but her eyes never left the television. Her favorite soap opera is being broadcast.
"Did I ever have an accident as a child?" She asked. Her mother turned and looked at her, silent.
"No," she replied and her eyes returned to the TV screen.
Looks like the question is wrong.
"Mmmm... I mean... did I ever cause someone else to get into an accident?" Said Mai.
Her mother fell silent again.
"For example pushing a child off a swing until his head bleeds," said Mai.
Rose took the TV remote and turned the volume down.
"What do you mean, honey?" said Rose.
"That dream, mom. It's always the same dream. Is there a chance it wasn't a dream? Is it all real?" Mai said she said the sentence carefully while looking at her mother.
Rose instead turned her face away, not daring to look into her daughter's eyes, Mai increasingly suspected that there was something her mother was hiding.
"If it's just a dream... Why am I dreaming that over and over again? That's weird." Said Mai.
Rose took a breath.
"Earlier on campus, I was injured and had another panic attack, all these events flashed through my mind like flashbacks. I'm sure it wasn't a dream, mom. It seemed real but I can't remember anything. Please, mom. Tell me... Those dreams are real, aren't they, mom? Those are memories I can't remember, right, mom." Said Mai by cornering her mother.
"Is that the reason why I don't remember my childhood?" Said Mai.
Rose's face looked uncomfortable, her face was pale, she was starting to get nervous. The woman sighed again and again.
"Mother ...," said Mai.
"I'm a grown girl, mom. It's time I know what happened... Please .." Mai said again.
Rose took another breath. She turned to Mai, looked doubtful at first then suddenly hugged his daughter. Mai gasped.
"I'm sorry, honey," said Rose.
"I can't shake that nightmare from you." Said Rose again.
"You mean mom?" Mai said, Mai's heart was beating fast, she seemed to have guessed what her mother would say next.
"You're right, honey, it's all real. It did happen 12 years ago when you were 5 years old when we were still in Bandung," said Rose.
Mai choked, even though she had guessed it still she could feel surprised.
"So it's true? Have I ever harmed people?" Mai said, Mai's eyes filled with tears, her face turned into a look of shock.
Suddenly the guilt that often haunted her became very real. Her chest felt tight and Mai almost felt like she was going to have another panic attack.