You hold me prisoner; chains around my feet,
You trap me behind cell walls,
for you're too frightened of your defeat,
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11 October 1999
As my eyelids fluttered open, I was greeted with a dozen unfamiliar faces.
My heart skipped a beat as my orbs laid on the women who gave birth to me.
She scrunched her face as if she was in pain. I'd be lying if I said she wasn't gorgeous even with her tired chocolate brown orbs staring down at me and her curly jet black hair tied up in a messy bun.
Her pale skin now coated with beads of sweat and her flushed cheeks numb with a fresh stream of salty tears.
I felt my own tears escape my eyes as a dozen of awes echoed in my ears frightening me. Her cherry lips curved into an angelic smile as the nurse handed me over to her.
My cries grew louder as she held me scared that she would let me go. "Malaika", she cooed.
"Shhh don't you worry my little cupcake; I would never let no one hurt you" she promised.
Somehow her voice pierced straight through my heart as I felt that assuringly satisfying and the tears instantly stopped flowing.
Her scent invaded my nostrils and I snuggled closer into her chest as I felt her arms tighten around me and that's when I became certain that no one and nothing in this world could harm me, not while I had her hands wrapped around me.
__________________________________________________
18 December 2004
I wasn't your regular five year old. I learnt how to throw kicks and punches before I could walk. My dad was the most genuine man I knew.
He had a short temper but he never ever took it out on either us or my mother.
My father Draven Williams, was an average man but time caught up to him far more quickly then it should've.
His hair is dirty silver while his face was carved with wrinkles and stress lines.
The amount of control he had over himself never failed to amuse me, he'd keep his lips sealed as my mother would throw tantrums about him never paying enough attention towards either her or us.
They'd normally get into arguments like those while me and my brothers would sit in the hallways and eavesdrop on their conversation.
I had two brothers. Lucas and Noah.
They were both three years older then me and them being twins didn't help the situation.
They would do whatever it would take to get on my nerves and when I would react to their nonsensical bullshit, they'd claim I was overreacting and being a baby, reporting to mum and dad with a new version of the scenario where I was held guilty of being the culprit.
__________________________________________________
4 August 2010
By the age of eleven, while most children learn to ride bikes and play in the park, I preferred sitting across the ps4 and playing to my heart's consent without a care about my surroundings.
I remember mum yelling at the top of her lungs, accusing me of being inactive and lazy.
She claimed that I should use my time more productively.
She is to blame.
__________________________________________________
26 September 2010
It's been a month and it's safe to say I did take my mothers concerns about me being 'a sloppy slug' as she likes to call it, into consideration.
As heart aching as it was to be away from the love of my life, I knew there was no way around it.
I did still manage to play a quick round of battlefield 4 most night, but only when I was absolutely and positively sure that she was sound asleep in her room and wouldn't walk in.
She took my playstation away that day as I remember helplessly begging her for another chance, yet she ignored my cries.
But that's when I promised myself that I would never let anyone take away what's mine ever again.
__________________________________________________
6 November 2010
After I had my playstation taken away I put on the sad face for a couple of days but she refused to pay any attention to my behaviour and therefore I knew it was time for plan B.
Convince the dad.
I walked away from mum without another word as I disappeared from the living room but not before catching a glimpse of her face scrunched up in confusion. I mean anyone knew that I was better than to give up on several refusals.
As I spotted daddy's room I stood outside the door not sure of what do do next,
There were only two things this conversation could lead to; either it'll end up with him supporting me and claiming I get my PlayStation back or him siding with mum.
I held my breath as I made up my mind and built enough courage to knock on the wooden door.
Once.
Twice.
I was about to retreat and walk away reassuring myself that it was for the best when his voice echoed in my ears.
"Come in", fear jolted up my shoulders and down my spine.
I could do this.
I creaked the door ajar and walked inside with cautious steps making sure I did nothing that would upset him and influence him to support mum's evil ways.
My eyes began to roam the room as my orbs desperately searched for him.
Daddy's and mommy's room was never my favourite to be quite honest. It was much larger than mine or Noah's and Lucas's.
There hung a golden chandelier right in the middle of the high crafted ceiling.
The ceiling had all sorts of art carved onto its surface, giving it an aesthetic overlook.
The walls were rose gold and so was the furniture that was placed much too elegantly for my liking.
Not to mention the awfully huge wall-sized family portrait that stuck to the wall next to the door hugging it like another layer of skin, making sure I caught a glimpse of it everytime I walked in.
The only thing I didn't quite hate was probably the rose gold tinted king sized bed that laid in the centre of the room;
the mattress was indescribably soothing and the fluffy pillows that covered the top half of the bed were breathtaking.
The duvet was tinted a similar shade as the bed but a little darker.
Pearl white velvet curtains hung on all the four sides of the bed, now tied; resembling it to a royal bed.
My breath hitched in my throat as I located my target.
"It's now or never", I encouraged myself, very well aware that if Lucas or Noah were present here at this precise moment watching me being this pathetically nervous about something so simple;
they would not only laugh their asses off but would have definitely held it against me for eternity.
Dad spared me a glance as he went back to typing something on his MacBook.
Sometimes, I couldn't help but wonder if mum was right, if dad really didn't pay enough attention to us, if he didn't love us enough.
But I shooed the thought away as soon as if invaded my mind.
"Um daddy, can we talk" , I questioned him with a low voice; praying he doesn't see right through me.
Now this left him surprised and I couldn't help but feel amused at myself for shocking not only one but two people in the same hour, that was a new record.
I couldn't blame him tho for I never really ever came to him much for advice or anything to be precise.
"Should I be worried?, concern dripped from his voice.
"Why would I do anything to worry you dad, I just want us to spend more time together", I spoke in the most innocent tone,
his face didn't flatten and even I was a little shocked not knowing I could master a tone like that.
This caught his attention and he stared at me for a couple of seconds, trying his best to search for any sort of a sign of uncertainty.
I stared back at him, never once breaking eye contact as he set aside his laptop and placed me in his lap instead.
"Does mommy have anything to do with this?" He mocked my tone and I glared at him as I quietly shook my head.
"you're scaring me now malaika, do you have a fever?" He panicked as he placed his left hand on my temple in an attempt to check my temperature.
After he was certain I didn't have a fever, I noticed his shoulders fall as he seemed to relax a bit.
A while later he spoke again, "Is there something bothering you cupcake"?,
I looked up at the ceiling as if pretending to be drowning in my own thoughts then wondered if I kept ignoring his question then he'd realise that nothing was wrong and my plan would go down the drain so I quickly answered,
"Well I don't know if I can tell you without fearing that you'd report to mom my about it", he chuckled and looked down at me in awe.
"You see cupcake if it's in your best interest then I'd have to but don't worry I'm on your side in whatever you're plotting since me and your mum just got into an argument"
he winked at me as he finished his sentence sending off a goofy vibe, one I enjoyed very much.
This was it, I was about to shoot and hell I was about to score. "mommy confiscated my playstation", I deepened my frown.
"Yeah I heard", he pretended to mask his tone but I could already sense that he was not clueless nor sad about this.
"Will you help me get it back?", I batted my eyelashes at him and plastered a silly smile on my lips, no one could resist that; I knew that for a fact.
His laugh echoed throughout the room once again as he spoke, "Oh, so this is what's all this about", it was more of a statement then a question so I let it slide, cautious that I don't say anything irrelevant therefore, I rapidly nodded my head in response.
Before he could say anything the door swung open and I jumped slightly in his lap from the surprise that alerted my body.
"What do we have here?", mum said in a funny tone.
"Nothing", me and daddy spoke simultaneously.
Too quickly that anyone could tell we were lying.
I knew it was over, I was doomed.
"So you're telling me this isn't about our little cupcake here asking you for help in convincing me to hand her playstation back to her?",
mum raised a brow as she interrogated as if it was the most normal thing to guess on the planet.
me and dad exchanged a glance both of us undeniably confused, either she was eavesdropping or she knew us way too well.
"Well honey maybe you should-",
hope strangled me but before he could finish his sentence, she cut him off,
"You are not going to side with her on this Draven", she said irritated.
"No, no, I was just saying-"
She cut him off again but this time she narrowed her eyes at him as she glared at him.
It was a look that said 'don't you dare say a word', and with the expression plastered on his face, anyone could tell he was terrified.
I was certain of one thing; if looks could kill, daddy would be six feet under by now.
I gazed at him pleadingly as he shrugged his shoulders in defeat and mum's smile deepened in victory.
Fine then.
I'll do this my way.
I gave them one of my fake smiles as he returned an apologetic one back while I walked out of the room silently.
His smiles never failed to reassure me that everything was alright.
To keep on going no matter how hard life gets.
I recall him telling me that no one was worth giving up over,
Losing hope over,
Destroying myself over,
If only I had listened to him.