TW//mention of suicide
Lara thought that Demian would despise her after she had told him the truth, that small consideration broke her heart.
"In my past life, I framed and exploited you for a very long time. And as if that was not enough, I forced you to the battlefield to kill a lot of people."
There were many more, but she would have to stay up all night to confess all of them.
Lara's eyes were filled with tears.
Lara paused, trying not to cry and to manage her emotion. Then, she firmly continued again.
"All because I was Prince Sidhar's puppet. I did what he told me to do because I was crazy about him."
Demian's blue pupils dilated, his eyes grew more and more intense.
Lara thought that his eyes seemed to pour into her.
"Then, in the end, I drank poison and committed suicide. I don't know why… but I came back to life again not long ago."
"Lara."
"Sorry."
I'm sorry I keep telling you a story that even a dimwit would not believe.
I'm sorry that I used you like that.
I'm sorry that I couldn't make atonement properly even after coming back.
Lara didn't even know what she was muttering about. She just thought that she should beg him for forgiveness for her mistake.
"I never hated you. I didn't hate you. I'm really sorry that I didn't answer your question until the end."
I shouldn't cry.
Lara bit her lips to the point of it bleeding. She did not deserve to cry.
"That was always on my mind…"
But then, Demian let out a small sigh.
He just sighed, but Lara, who was paying all her attention to him, shuddered as if she had been hit by an arrow.
"I shouldn't have asked."
His voice was low. It was neither scary nor sharp. There was no sign of reproach or anger towards her.
In a softer voice than usual, Demian said to Lara.
"Was that your dream?"
"…Demian."
He never believed what Lara said. That's why he reacted like this.
"I was a wicked woman. I accused you of being a spy from the empire. I even condemned you, saying that you were more evil than a demon. I also framed you to be a human shield on the battlefield."
"I see."
"You have become unfortunate because of me."
The tears that she kept enduring had finally fallen. After confessing everything in front of him, she felt even more ashamed of her past.
"It's all because of me…"
"Stop it."
A big hand covered her face.
Lara realized that it was Demian's palm only after her vision had been completely obscured. He came closer to her and wiped her tears with a clumsy gesture.
"Is it because your eyes are big? There are so many tears coming out."
"Demian."
"Haa. What should I say about this?"
Demian was smiling. It was a cynical smile.
"It is difficult to believe."
"I know, but…"
"I will believe you. Because I have promised you to do so."
Lara blinked her wet eyes.
He will believe me?
Even though Demian had said so, Lara could not believe it. So, she asked him.
"You believe what I say?"
"Is there any other way?"
"You can blame me, get angry, and leave me."
"You want me to do that?"
She wanted that at first. She would rather he get angry and blame herself. On the other hand, the closer she got to him, the more she wished he wouldn't leave her.
"If it's such a painful story, don't tell me. Even if I promised to believe you, it's hard to understand and accept everything. It sounds to me like you're saying you had a terrible nightmare."
"I know."
"Maybe it's not foresight, but a precognitive dream? …But then again, I have seen people who died and came back to life on the battlefield. Such miracles can happen, or maybe it was something like a curse."
"I'm sorry. I really wanted to apologize to you, that's why I tried to be your sponsor."
"Stop it. Haa… I shouldn't have asked that question. I can't believe our relationship was all from your guilt."
"That…"
While Lara became speechless and hesitated to find something to say, Demian said the same thing again.
"Do you feel sorry when you see me?"
"Yes."
"Do you think you need to make atonement? You want to give me a good weapon and make me a hero?"
"Yes, I want to do that. I was going to grant you whatever you wanted."
"After you get rid of all your guilt like that, what will happen after that?"
"I will ask you to leave… Because you're going to be a king. I just want you to have only good memories of me."
"Haa."
Demian gave a twisted smile. He murmured that the more he listened to it, the more dumbfounded he became.
"I'm not interested in the weapons the King gave, and I hate the bothersome role of a hero. Now, what are you going to do?"
Lara barely gave her answer.
"Please use me to achieve your goal. I don't mind whatever you do. I will never betray you this time."
I have used you last time, so use me this time.
"What…?"
Demian shut his mouth tightly.
There was a stifling silence between the two. No one opened their mouths.
Lara was looking at Demian, but he was not doing the same. His eyes, which followed Lara persistently, had now left her and was now looking through the darkness outside the window.
"You asked me why I became your mighty warrior, right?"
"…Yes."
"Lara, I…"
The lamp swayed. The lights were of a warm color, but Demian's face reflected in Lara's eyes resembled that of the bitter cold.
"Am looking for the saintess."
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
After a sleepless night, Lara visited the Temple of Glory before even the sun had risen.
"Milady, didn't you say that you won't go to places like temples anymore? I'm so sleepy… Do we have to come at this time?"
"It can't be helped. I have to do this if I don't want to hear how I've become nice again."
"Well…"
Konny nodded as a sign that she understood. She even mumbled that it was much easier to live as a villain than as a model student.
"What are you looking for?"
"The records about the saintess."
Before God had left this land, saintesses sometimes appeared to perform miracles or to represent God's voice.
Lara rushed to read the records of the saintess in the Temple of Glory.
Demian said that he was looking for saintess.
It was a story told by the black sorcerers. To them, revelations from a demon was akin to a revelation from God.
A real saintess, huh?
And of all people, Demian was looking for a saintess.
It felt like a nail had been nailed to her chest.
Lara kept on dwelling over what Demian said at dawn. Everytime she did that, her face became more stiff and her eyes were filled with tears, but she could not help but to think about it.
"I was just looking for a woman who was easy to use. Because I had to get involved Hautean's high society. I thought that, as a young and charming slave, it would be easy to approach the society."
That's why he chose me.
Contrary to her heart, her mind quickly understood it. He had previously become the mighty warrior for a young noblewoman and stayed in the arena for a while.
"I even got to deal with the black sorcerers because I was with you. Moreover, it's easy to get information, and no one is even suspicious of me."
Even though I didn't intend for it, I did help him. That's a relief.
"I'm going to find the saintess and take her to the Empire. That's my promise with Acerus."
I could not believe that he was really a spy from the Empire.
It was so confusing.
The things she had so far believed to be true were swaying from the bottom up.
In the past life, it was Prince Sidhar who told Lara that Demian was a spy from the Empire and had her accuse him.
So the Prince wasn't lying. Rather, he was telling the truth back then?
Demian was convinced that Lara would hide his identity. Of course, she intended to do so. The thought of making atonement for her wrongdoings remained the same.
But a saintess, huh?
Lara recalled meticulously what she said to him at dawn.
She confessed almost everything, but she did not mention at all that she was a fake saintess. Nor did she mention that she had a near miraculous healing power.
I'm not a saintess.
That was impossible. If God really existed, he would not have chosen Lara, who had deceived people and spread misfortune by posing as a fake saintess.
In her past life, no real saintess had appeared.
She did not even remember hearing how the black sorcerers had received such revelations from the demon.
It was changing.
The world she knew was now turning into one she did not know.