The carriage was filled with a heavy silence. The horses' hooves could be heard clearly. Neither Lara nor Isadora rushed to talk first. Lara put her hands on her thighs and held her fingers together. She did not expect to be sitting alone with her mother in such a small carriage as soon as she came back to the past.
It was difficult and uncomfortable. What was worse was that she came back after ten years, the years they had spent distancing themselves like strangers were that long.
Her throat was as hot as if she had swallowed fire. There were so many things that Lara wanted to say, but at the same time, there were also so many things that she could not say.
Mother, I…
I was so head over heels in love with the prince whom you opposed so much that I ended up deceiving the whole kingdom.
I changed my look and pretended that I was the saintess. I was swayed with the gold and power that was in my hand.
And I dedicated everything to that shitty prince.
You told me to beg for my fault because it was not too late yet.
You promised me you would protect me no matter what happened.
But I just scoffed at your attempt.
I was so arrogant, I acted as if I were the Queen. I yelled at you, telling you not to stick your nose in my business.
I was so foolish. I was not even aware that I would be offered as a sacrifice.
I even died before you. I was probably the worst daughter in the world.
Lara was heartbroken because she had so many things she wanted to say. She did not know how to beg for her mistakes.
As the silence grew longer, her lips dried up, and opening her lips grew harder and harder.
She's my mother.
But why is it so hard to approach her?
When Lara gave strength to her eyebrows and lifted her head, she could see her mother, Isadora, let out a heavy sigh.
"Whew."
Isadora always looked up confidently and had a look as if it would penetrate people. But somehow, at that moment, instead of looking at Lara's eyes, her attention was at Lara's hands on her thighs.
Somehow, maybe.
Lara thought.
Maybe mother is like this because she also feels awkward facing me.
Isadora was not good at expressing herself. Her cold expression and tone had always led to misunderstanding. This had caused Lara to think of her mother as a scary and stern person. Although, apparently, her mother was affectionate and responsible.
Isadora would not easily turn her back on someone to whom she had opened her heart to. She was tougher on herself than others. Although she did not express it in an affectionate way, Isadora had always been on Lara's side. She stayed the same no matter what wrong Lara had done. Even when everything was irrevocably messed up, her mother was the only one who reached out to her until the end.
Lara now knew about her mother's true feelings.
When she thought like that, her lips, which were all dried up, had finally opened.
"Why don't you get a divorce with father?"
Lara also wanted to ask why Isadora got married to someone like her father, but this was more important for the time being.
Isadora smirked.
"Why don't I get a divorce from your father?"
"Yes."
"Because I wanted to take responsibility for my choice."
"Pardon?"
"I have had enough with that man from a long time ago. However, I gave birth to you, so I was determined not to leave the house at least until you became an adult."
That was a very unexpected reason.
While Lara, who could not think of anything to say, was silent, Isadora opened her mouth again.
"I understand the reason you prevented me from coming to your coming-of-age ceremony. You have felt betrayed by your mother abandoning you and leaving the house."
"Pardon? Me?"
"You raised your voice to me, telling me not to show up in front of you ever again."
Lara was dumbfounded and speechless. Not because her mother was wrong, but because it reminded her of the fact that she really shouted like that in the past. However, that was not the end, as she remembered saying worse things.
"I'm sorry."
Lara barely managed to squeeze out her voice.
Her scarlet eyes shook slightly.
"I'm really sorry…"
As Lara was facing her mother like that, it seemed that the thoughts that she had gotten together became endlessly weak.
Her mother was so young, so beautiful, and so impressive.
"Mother, I have a question."
"Ask it."
"If God showed up in front of you and told you he could send you to the past, at which point would you like to go back?"
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
Isadora hesitated and replied briefly.
"…Because there's something precious here."
Isadora turned her head and looked out through the window that she just opened.
'What's that precious something?'
Lara wanted to ask.
Even though she already knew, she wanted to get a confirmation. But she felt so emotional that she could not even open her mouth.
The carriage was running toward the city center. Isadora had almost arrived at her destination. A hot breeze came in through the small window. Lara was not able to bring out her true feelings until the awkward meeting was almost over.
"Mother."
"Yes?"
"…I love you."
Lara had tears in her eyes even before she said those three words.
She wondered how far back did she have to go just to say it.
This time, Lara's confession made Isadora lose her words.
∘₊✧──────✧₊∘
Even after arriving at her destination, Isadora sat in the carriage for quite some time. Then, with much difficulty, she told Lara to come to her whenever she had a hard time. She also told Lara that she did not have to obey her father anymore because she's already an adult. And she told Lara to do whatever she wanted.
"Don't worry."
Lara said to her mother briefly.
The things that she would do in the future were things that she really wanted to do.
It was a relief that her mother left home. From now on, Bailey's manor would be very noisy. Either her father would collapse from high blood pressure, or Lara would be beaten and get kicked out. Lara did not want her mother to get involved. She nodded calmly, assuring Isadora not to get worried.
After returning home, Lara entered her room and did not come out for a while. Now that she knew exactly which point she was at, she needed to organize what she had to do moving forward.
"Milady!"
Lara, who sat silently in thought, could hear the bustling noise outside her room.
"What are you doing? The artist is already here. You have to get ready quickly."
Her maids were calling her.
Which ornaments should be used for the dress, which hairstyle should Lara do, what makeup style would look good on Lara—several maids were brainstorming together in front of the wardrobe. Lara opened the bedroom door and slowly stepped out into the drawing-room. The maids had prepared white dresses and gloves, bluish veils, and lilies.
This was an unforgettable scene. The day Lara's portrait was painted and given to the prince after her coming-of-age ceremony. She wanted to look like the purest woman in the world, so she met the artist with the clothes and accessories that she chose after thinking about it for a month.
"Isn't this beautiful?"
Without even knowing her feelings, Lara's maids smiled and approached her. The dress had white feathers like an angel's wings. And when the small pearl button was put on, the collar covered everything so that her collarbone would not be revealed, let alone her chest. The lace that came down to the back of the hand was a flower pattern that looked calm with small leaves.
Because she wanted to look good to the prince.
Because her father told her that this was the prince's preference.
"Milady, take a seat. I will tie your hair neatly and cover it with the veil. I will use white powder on your face and I will draw your eyes so it will droop all the way here. You wanted to look kind, right? Your lips can't look too red so I will go with light pink."
"Why?"
"Pardon?"
"Enough."
Lara said.
She walked up with her messy hair loosely drooping and sat in front of the dressing table.
"Throw everything away."
"Milady…?"
Lara's voice was cold.
The maids shut their mouths and read her countenance. They exchanged looks among them, wondering why their lady had suddenly done this.
Konny approached Lara and asked her.
"Milady, what's wrong? Is there something not to your liking? Just yesterday you said you were so excited that you could not sleep."
"Konny."
"Yes?"
"Go to my closet and get me a red dress."
Konny could not answer right away. It was not because she did not understand Lara's order, but because she was flustered and did not know what to answer.
Lara swept her hair and said once more.
"Bring me a red dress. Not the one that slightly looks like red, but the one that is as red as blood."
"Milady, what's wrong?"
Konny was surprised and asked back. The other maids also looked like they could not understand Lara's attitude. That was a natural reaction. If it was like how it had been, Lara would have been under a happy delusion this day. She would have been sitting in that white dress and got her portrait painted. The artist would praise her for looking like an angel, and the prince who got her portrait would ask Marquess of Bailey to visit his manor.
That was the original order.
"Don't let my eyes droop. Don't use white powder on my face. Just let my hair loose. Leave my lips natural."
"Pardon? Yes."
"Serve the painter a meal first. Tell him that I'm sorry and ask him to wait for a while."
No question could be asked anymore. The maids kept their mouths shut and started moving to carry out Lara's orders. The eyes of their lady, which had no expression, no laughter, and not even any warmth, felt so unfamiliar.
Without realizing it, they shook off the chills and started moving their feet.