trigger warning: self-deprecating thoughts

...

Asea's

Asea has been excited about this day for a while now. After the world has been engulfed whole by the pandemic, the situation seemed to have been handled well with the promise of vaccines and restrictions getting lifted. The restrictions - that being, anyone below 20 years old is not allowed to go out - are simmered down to 15 years old and above. That is certainly the reason why more and more people are getting reckless and contributing substantially, not, to the statistics.

She couldn't care less. Okay, maybe she does. For one, she's been holed up for months in her own home. Her mom doesn't even know that she'll be sneaking out today. Not that she has to know but she badly wants to just see her friends. Being 19, made her feel like an adult with no real obligations and no real shit to say about anything given the situation she's in right now, but that's for another day.

She doesn't sneak out casually like any other young adult her age. It's just, sometimes she does so when she knows she badly needs to see her friends like right now and she makes up for it by going home before night falls.

And yet, all excitement seemed to wash away for today as uneasiness bubbles on her chest. She woke up two hours before lunch, something that isn't her at all, but this was a special day so she needs time to prep herself. And yet, now that she's waiting for the hot water to heat up, she thinks she wants to bail out now. Something that she doesn't do so, casually, too.

A strange nail claws its way on her stomach and she hates it. Bail out, the nail scratched. And she wants to, for all she knows, she doesn't want to face her friends after months of holing herself up. It's easy to lie over texts but to lie in front of others - not others but her very own best friends - isn't just her forte.

Yet, she bailed on them a few times now, wanting to get together in the midst of a pandemic albeit illegally. It's amazing how her friends' minds work, like 'they wouldn't know we're under 20 and we will wear a mask, nothing to worry about.' The pandemic and her mom are everything to worry about. And if that didn't happen, she wouldn't use anything, not even projects or anything to tell her friends no. Because if she wants something, she will get it. And yet, she lives in the timeline where it happened. And that happening meant, shamefully using the pandemic and her mom as an excuse to not go.

She just doesn't have the face to just tell them the truth like, look, guys, I'm dealing with a lot of shit, all happening inside my head, and I can't deal to hear all of you talk about your life when mine just stood still for months now. She doesn't want to come out as the loser that she knew she isn't but knows she is.

Gone are the fucking days.

Yet, there's a certain ache in her heart wanting to see them. And she'd ignored and lied to them for months now, maybe that's enough. She just has to ignore the strange clawing of the nails inside her stomach. Right.

✨✨✨

She did herself a once-over in the mirror as she sucks in a breath, trying not to cry. 'Not now. Don't throw a pity party for yourself, you need to look okay enough to make it look like you're fine.' She dyed her hair ash gray last month as a way of stepping out of her shell or just, making herself feel like she's a new person when she's just some broken soul trying to pick out the crumbs of her long-lost pride with new hair color.

Pathetic.

Unfortunately, the dye has lost its glow and turned her hair golden. For someone with light tan skin like her, it's laughable, to say the least. At least for her eyes, everything her eyes sets on herself, she wanted to laugh mockingly.

Pathetic.

She gathered a portion at the top of her hair, tying it at the top and letting it fall on her shoulder. She slightly cringed, realizing that it's not even symmetrical. She really is a fucking mess.

She brushed her face with a light powder, just to complement it with her neck. Then, got her lip balm and quickly touched up her lips so it won't chap later even though they'll wear masks for the rest of the day or they'll risk themselves of getting the virus. She puts on her clear-rimmed glasses to finally make sense of her clothes.

Choosing what to wore was a struggle, too. At least for her who forgot what her usual get-up is. She's been so used to night dresses and pajamas that she literally thought of doing just that for today. Yet she didn't, at least, she has to look presentable. She will never look beautiful, or dashingly charming for anyone to gouge their eyes out, she was never a head-turner. It took her years, several years to build the only stable system in her mind right now:

If you're not beautiful, at least, master the art of being so plain and comfortable, people won't spare a glance at you and judge you for even trying to look good when you'll never be.

A body hugger blue maxi dress reaching below her knees and black sneakers. And to finish the look, she got herself a white cardigan and wore it. It's not chilly, she just gets cold easily. Before the pandemic happened, she wore cardigans, sweaters, and hoodies almost every day over her uniform, for as she grew up, she managed to feel cold much easily and learned that cardigans, sweaters, and hoodies can be a temporal psychological blanket to fool her into thinking she's safe.

She took a deep breath and did another once-over. Her nerves are tingling in nervousness, the nail scratching more firmly now, and yet, she hastily puts on her mask and face shield before grabbing her backpack to leave the door.

Two blocks away, that's how far her home is to the rendezvous. And yet, walking out with hyperawareness that the air can just kill her - okay that's too exaggerated, she's sure it takes time to manifest - is making her feel weird, queasy even. She lets out a shuddering breath and looks up.

The sun is close to its highest peak and she's the dumbest for forgetting her umbrella. But it's just a short walk and she's sure Em would have brought her umbrella along. She looked down from the scorching sun and hated the way it danced on her exposed hands.

She got to the rendezvous, a small cafe, at exactly 1:02 AM. Expectedly, her friends are late. She doesn't care about waiting but the isolation made her feel more anxious. Now, she hates waiting.

She got to the shed near the right side of the cafe and checks the wall for ants running on the wall. There's none. She leaned finally, closing her eyes as she heaves another deep breath.

Calm down, Asea. It's just your friends. It will be fine. You'll be fine. You won't fuck up and spill shits.

"Asea." She heard a familiar voice and the familiar mandarin and rice cakes scent wafting on the air. In an instant, the familiarity of the scent calms her as she flutters her eyes open. She swallowed, taking the young woman in her gaze.

Shorter than her by a few inches despite being a year older, she still has these bright, glassy eyes that never fails to make her feel at home. Her bright smile, even behind a mask, competes for that of the scorching sun and the warmth on her chest seeing her blow all the air out of the embers of worry she was just nursing a while ago.

"Emerald." Her voice came out lighter and happier, something she never heard her voice sounded for the past few months. Her effect is always something else, she's starting to hate Emerald.

Carrying a small backpack on her own, she wore a pastel blue blouse and a knee-length denim skirt. She really knows how to dress herself up, not to look good for others but for herself. For instance, she's the one who taught Asea to wear more dresses because, quote-unquote, it fits her. It took her years before Em managed to coax her in, partially lifting the confidence she never had about herself.

She was always been her cheerleader, her rock, and her happy pill, she's everything she needed and she considers herself lucky despite everything else in finding the most precious and beautiful soul on this fucking earth.

"I miss you, Asea." The older couldn't help muttering as she melts right through. That one person she platonically would give her life for away, that's Emerald. "Me, too. Uh..." She took a sharp inhale of breath as her eyes tried looking away but the other's bright, searching eyes made her settle. "I'm sorry...about what I did."

"It's not your fault." The answer was abrupt and sure, almost like Emerald could see it coming from a mile away that she'll apologize for...being gone. "I understand, you needed to rest." Her voice sways surely on every word, firm as if letting her know that what she's saying is true. On their long years of friendship, Emerald managed to master the art of making sure Asea knows she's always being honest with her. Cause even if she's downright honest to the core, Asea wouldn't believe anything in one go. In the long run, Asea also mastered the art of half-believing everything she says but that's fine for her, that's progress, and pushing Asea harder wouldn't do her good.

"H-how.." She cleared her throat and like she didn't stutter, she continued. "How were your studies?" Emerald isn't one to tell more than necessary to almost everything. She tends to keep to herself because it's better that way. It's not that she doesn't trust her friends, it's a competitive tug of war between, 'my problems are mine to solve' and 'i don't trust myself enough to express myself fully as normal people should.'

Though Em knows, through those years of being with them, she's proud to say that she managed to feel safe and comfortable around them like how she is to herself, and they've gotten all used to her by now. Em is the one who will laugh at their jokes or shot down their lame jokes with another lame joke of hers, the one who listens to them and be there with them when they needed it. She's comfortable and that's more than fine for her.

"Brain bleeding tolerable but tolerable." She said in a light tone as they both laughed, the air getting more comfortable between them. It's always been like that to them, whenever they meet, it doesn't take them lots of time to get comfortable. Maybe it comes with the friendship or on the fact that they think that they're both soulmates, that's why everything is really natural.

"Not late, surprisingly." Both ladies smiled at the voice, the comforting smell of cinnamon and wine wafting off from the young man.

Even behind a mask, they know he was grinning happily with the way his eyes crinkled in delight and his cheeks tinted red, mostly because of the sun but they both know it's because he's happy. "1:08. Wow. New record." Asea said, almost sarcastically as his smile didn't falter. "At least I improved!" The young man said.

Fair-skinned, spiky but tamed, short hair, smiling eyes, and a lean stature, as he wears a button-down blue polo and denim jeans. "Asea, give Roo some credit. He would've flaked on us if he was still the old Roo." Emerald teased as she leans on the wall next to her comfortably, the guy pouting a little to show that that was in the past and he's a new person now. Though even teasing, that's all in good talk for them. It's an old joke for them, that the old Roo, cold, uncaring, distrusting classmate of theirs somehow made its way to their nerdy, weird, and couldn't-care-less circle and made it his home.

"Ah right, he's changed, sorry, Roo. I was just kidding. Hope you're not hurt." Asea said in her fake nice voice that made them both laugh. Of course, Roo would be the subject of their teasing for today. Roo doesn't really mind. Roo was staring at Astraea's almost golden hair and his eyes smiled. "Your hair looked...cool. Really."

Never one to take compliments easily, she just nodded and smiled, proceeding to change the subject. They talked about Roo's new hobby these days, caring for plants, mostly cacti. She hoped he doesn't remember it but knowing Roo who's always been the sharper one like Em, who's quick to point things out, he knows he'll ask about it later.

It took a few minutes of Roo telling them about the new small pots he bought to transfer the new baby cacti from the mother cacti before the two came. A young woman younger than her by a year, her scent competes those of tea tree and summer rain greets them with her warm smile and enthusiastic gaze to them.

Downright honestly, Aeria's the most beautiful among the girls. Long, silky black hair that she tied yet again in a ponytail because she's lazy, fair skin that gets red fast because of the sun allergy that she didn't know existed until Aeria existed on her life, beautiful wide eyes, she can pass off as a princess. A denim pencil skirt reaching her knees (what's with denim today? Because it's classy?) and a gray hoodie in which the hood she used to cover her head from the sun.

The young man beside her, taller than all of them, probably combats her statement that Aeria's the most beautiful among the girls (because for one, Emerald's the most adorable and the cutest among all of them, and Aeria's straight up, just a head-turner while she's here to balance things out.)

And also, if it's handsome, it's (she'll tell it, just not all the time) Roo. Boyish and innocent. But then, if it surpasses handsome and pretty, it's their Kuya Jace. He's not the oldest, Roo is, they're just used to calling Jace, Kuya, than Roo who was late to enter their circle. And mostly because Aeria and Emerald wouldn't let Roo hear the endearment and just tease him for anything else. It's Jace who's the very definition of tall, dark and handsome. His hair's a bit longer now that he can tie it up in a man bun, his close to the golden ratio proportioned face looking serious but the fondness dancing on his eyes whilst looking at them contradicts that. His glasses perched on his nose as he carefully puts them up behind the face shield. He's still soft-looking even with the longer hair, the sweet smell of rose and scones wafting in along with the other scents.

"Roo wasn't late. I hate it here." Way to be the greeting for their youngest, Aeria. She's always been the enthusiastic, loud one, often most the life of the party around the five of them. She managed to make the shy and silent Em before to be her partner in crime to tease Roo almost every time, sometimes Asea, and simp over their favorite Kuya ever, Jace.

Jace laughed and said, "If Em didn't text you, you wouldn't bother waking up." He said in a matter-of-fact tone as Aeria grumbles about the dream she had that made her sleep past her alarm. Jace is this loyal, sometimes enthusiastic, and sometimes sarcastic and random young man who will fight anyone who says that Architecture doesn't matter and is overrated. He's a perfect balance of listener and life of the party, opinionated, and often seems like he doesn't care about them but he does. Just not outwardly.

"So, Asea, I didn't know you're still alive." Aeria joked at her as she just smiles. Right, pretend. "I did come back from the dead just for this so let's make this worth it."

"Good, I'm hungry. Where to?" Jace asked as they start walking. "I want some Mc Donalds." He added.

"Me, too. I want nuggets but I don't have money." Aeria said as Em laughs. "Same. I was hoping that someone would treat us good today." Em said, smiling in Roo's direction who rolled his eyes but still amused at how bold they are when they need someone to sponsor them to eat what they want.

"I think Jace has a lot more money than me, Architecture student and all that." Jace closed his eyes, laughing in slight disbelief at what Roo said. "I'm not the one with a job, so, treat us to Mc Donalds, Roo." He challenged as Em nodded with Aeria silently cheering Roo, coaxing him to treat them all.

"If that's what you really want." He said, his tone not serious so they didn't take him seriously.

"So heartless! Roo, be a good big brother and treat us to Mc Donalds." Aeria said, going for the sympathetic side of Roo, if there's any. Roo's eyes widened and nodded. "I told you I will."

"Don't take it back then!" Em said, sealing it already as Jace grins behind his mask triumphantly, Asea laughing along with their antics.

They were comfortable, talking casually about their lives and weird things they found out on their daily, casual trips to the internet. Jace was talking about some Architecture shits she doesn't get with Roo who was always a serious and attentive listener. Aeria telling about a new rookie idol she found cute or handsome, either is different of course, and trying to pull Em in to make her see what she's seeing on the guy, or possibly the new group. Oh wait, they're now talking about a new song an artist released who they adored just whenever they remember him.

They were eating in a cafe, after they're already done with the Mc Donalds lunch they had, which surprisingly, Roo really did treat them on. Surprisingly, Roo's not one who treats them casually when egged on. But maybe, he really did miss his friends.

And now, at this cafe, they sat on the upper bunk around a small table. There's not even physical distancing, which makes the cafe not allowed to operate. Yet, dunno, the cafe doesn't mind and those group of friends isn't social distancing, too, so why not? Jace joked that they should've made sure that they were tested before they agreed to meet up. And yet, they seemed to trust each other enough to take their masks off and just left their face shield on to make them able to sip their coffee. And they're pretty careful, too, armed with sanitizers and being careful with the crowds.

Asea was glad, to say the least, that they weren't asking things about her and they were just hanging out normally and she wasn't gone for six straight months. It's fine to her. She busied herself thumbing on the UNO cards she got from under the table. "Let's play." She said, casually. And usually, there should be more comments but surprisingly, they just agreed. It's quite weird. First, Roo treating them then this or maybe she's just making things a big deal. Or maybe she forgot to be so comfortable around people she has no idea what's normal anymore.

Yet, as they watch Aeria give them cards, there's a certain tingling on her nerves that isn't because of her getting anxious on this day out. She looked at Em instinctively and she felt her eyes on her, looking back. She smiled behind her face shield but nothing felt weird for Em. She almost always trusts Em's instincts more than hers. Maybe, if she felt it, she'll feel it, too? Or she's just hallucinating and it's just all in her head yet again? Most probably, the latter.

And yet, the tingling made her look to the loft to their left, and saw the other group. Five young men, almost the same age as them (?). Looks well-off for some reason, the way their clothes hung on their bodies naturally and casually and yet the way they move was telling her they're well-off. Their cellphones are expensive ones. Their backpacks are branded. Their skins, well-kept, dunno, maybe it's not just her instincts, but it's obvious they're from rich families.

She can't see their faces but their shoulders and backs are broad. Even when they're sitting cross-legged on the floor, their posture is very particular. She inhaled slightly and one of them tilts their head back, laughing as he looks back. Glasses.

She saw glasses before she quickly looked back, her breath caught in her throat as her lips part open. Her head felt dizzy. "Are you okay?" Em asked worriedly as they all look at her. She hummed as a response. She couldn't be wrong, it's literally in the air and she's just ignoring it. "Alphas, right?" Roo asked, his voice lower as his brown eyes looked at her seriously. Of course, he noticed it too.

"I think we should get out of here," Aeria suggested, sensing the seriousness on her friends. Because of course, being in a circle full of omegas, they survived this long because they always avoid things. Even if inhibitors make their scent faint, alphas can still tell omegas and betas apart.

Being an only child and an omega, she can understand her mother being strict to her. But she has always been used to getting her way within her own limits. She doesn't deliberately ignore everything she says but when she knows she needed to break some rules to make way for her own, she would.

In this modern world, omegas are still the rarest and the most useless sex dolls. Even with rights that evens out the competition, it is a universal rule that omegas are always the odd one out. Betas want them to just submit all the time even with all those omegas paving a way for a lot of things. And alphas still get drawn to their primal urges when omega is nearby. And almost always, alphas are the cream of the crop, top of the food chain, and always get away with these kinds of things.

The justice system is already paid off way before it starts saluting on its own laws. No one cares if an omega gets raped or killed or taken forcibly by an alpha. If it's a beta, it's a national headline. But omegas are nothing. Just another news block in a newspaper, sometimes not bothering to include if they're omega or not because the government is tired with the omega protests about almost everything: rights and equality for the trash.

To be an omega and to find these four other omegas is a blessing. They can lean on each other when it gets too much. They can cover for each other. And should they say, they're lucky? Sometimes, they get chased and they get cornered but nothing else. They can always go and run away.

Luckily, scent patches are the best scent blockers. Luckily, they've managed quite a reputation, weird and closed off, all to themselves, to ward off alphas and betas from even thinking about it. Luckily, they decided to go to separate schools in senior high, then to college. But they're still lucky, perhaps, because they're used to avoiding things even before it goes down.

They started to stand up when suddenly, metal doors drop down the tiled floor loudly. The customers went silent. The entrance and the glass windows were shut closed. They looked back to the register, the cashier already missing. It was just them. "What's happening?" Aeria asked loudly, directed towards the counter. When no one answered, Asea walked and climbed down the bunk.

"Asea," Em called out but she didn't answer, the metal doors trapped them inside, there is something weird going on. Even if it's just a security problem, it still made her more anxious. She walked past towards the counter and got to the door leading to the kitchen perhaps. And when she did turn the knob, all lights went out, completely engulfing them into darkness.

A cold shiver runs down her spine. "Asea, come here! Quick!" Em's panicked voice rang out. She walked back and was about to run back when a strong smell of smoke emanated from somewhere.

She heard curses but the smoke was quick to envelop her as her head throbbed hard. She didn't feel her body falling down on the floor.