Could one be punished by the gods for silly mistakes? Conri wondered if it could be true. How else could he explain his life now that Eleri had come to stay at the manor. He lived in a state of perputual longing and agony over her. He was desperate to be near her, but it was almost painful to eat, talk, and laugh with her and not be able to touch her and kiss her as he liked. At night, he tried to assuage his problem, by thinking of her while relieving the desire he felt. All he got for his efforts were some embarrassing spots on the sheets and feeling the need for her even more than before.
The kiss they had shared was nothing like he had ever experienced. He had kissed a few young ladies and servants the past few years. A few lord's daughters had been very forward. A couple of pretty young maids opened his eyes in new ways. He had spent many nights kissing and receiving pleasure from Aella, though he never had her fully. It felt wrong to do so. She was a wonderful woman, and he would not connect himself in such a way unless he could have her always. He knew he could not, and now that he had met Eleri he understood why.
The desire he felt for Aella was nothing compared to the longing he had for Eleri. The wolf inside of him whispered her name constantly. When she was close, it demanded Conri claim her. He couldn't though. He couldn't have her unless she agreed, and since kissing him, she had been careful to keep a little distance between them. She was still charming and flirtatious, but she kept their conversation light or about the business of his future court. He hated how calm and collected she was in his presence. He wanted to kiss her again. He wanted to feel her body against his. He wanted to take her and mark her as his.
He knew what it was to take a mate. He had learned about it from his last tutor. He wished he had asked more questions about mates. Was there only one out there for him? If Eleri never consented to be his, would he live in agony forever? Could there be another who would cause the same feelings within him that she did?
If she were telling the truth, it seemed Eleri had been affected by another. He wondered who it was. He stopped and gripped the handrail of the staircase he was walking down as his wolf growled loudly inside of him. The thought of another putting their hands on Eleri and taking her as their own made his wolf beyond angry. She was his, and he would keep what belonged to him.
Conri shook his head. She was not his. He would not take her unwillingly no matter if marking her would put her under his control in some way or not. He would only have her if she truly wanted him. He had made a lot of mistakes in his life and done things he shouldn't have, but he vowed to himself he would never hurt her or cause her any discomfort again. He had been wrong to try to make her feel ill at ease. Perhaps he deserved the discomfort he felt. He would be a king someday if all went well, and at some point, he had to act like it.
Coming to the dark entry hall, Conri turned left to walk down the back hallway towards the library. He had not been sleeping well and thought perhaps he might find a book to read. He opened the library doors rather forcefully and heard a small yelp. Looking towards the noise he saw Eleri in her nightgown and robe with a few books at her slippered feet.
"Are you alright?" he asked as he walked closer to her.
"I am fine. I was close to the door by this shelf when it opened. I was startled and jumped, dropping my books." She bent down to pick them up, and her robe fell open, giving Conri a good look at her nightgown which was lower cut than he imagined it would be.
He shook his head knowing he should not be staring at her. "Let me get those for you." He kneeled down and picked up a book just as she reached for it. Her hand brushed his, and he felt the small jolt of fire run through him that her touch always brought. She pulled away as he picked up the rest of the books and stood up.
"Thank you, your highness," she said as she held out her hand for the books.
He moved a little closer to her and looked down, holding on to her books. "Must you address me so formally, Eleri? Whatever our future holds, I would like to think we would be friends in some way. I should like it if you called me Conri."
One side of her mouth curved upwards as she gave him an adorable half-smile. "It would not be proper no matter how good of friends we were."
"Perhaps you can use it when we are alone then?" He wanted to hear his name on her lips with no titles or formalities. He wanted to hear her moan his name in pleasure as he had already imagined at least two dozen times, but he would be content for her just to use it in casual conversation.
"Maybe, eventually," she said with a full smile. "I have barely known you a week. Give me another one at least."
"Very well. I suppose I should address you properly as well."
"You are the prince and soon to be king. You may do as you wish," she said.
He took a deep breath. If only he could do as he wished. He wanted nothing more than to drop the wretched books in his hands and kiss her. "Where these all the books you wanted?" He handed them to her.
"I was deciding which to take upstairs." She moved to a table that was set up close to the fireplace that was dark with a few unlit logs.
He moved over to her, noticing how dark the area was away from the window where the moon shined brightly in half of the room. "You must have better night vision than me to be able to tell what book you are looking at."
She grinned and threw out her hand. A large fire sprung up in the fireplace, flooding the area with light and warmth. Conri took a few steps back, startled. "Do not worry, my prince. I am very good at controlling fire. It will not hurt you."
"I was only surprised. You did that so effortlessly. I take it you are a very powerful sorceress."
She shrugged. "I have my talents, though they are nothing compared with my mother or aunt. The things I saw my mother do I can't even begin to explain to you."
"What was she like?"
"My mother?" He nodded as he leaned against a high back chair. "She was very beautiful and what you might call a free spirit. She could spend all day running around in the forest practicing her magic or gathering herbs. She laughed often and rarely was there not a smile on her face. She was brilliant and could find the solution to almost any problem. She was very special. Special enough that she bonded with my father who was a shifter. It is very rare."
Conri nodded. "I have heard that, especially with wolf shifters. We tend to bond with others who have the gift."
Eleri sighed looking down at her books. "We call it a gift, but sometimes I wonder if it really is. So much responsibility and feelings come with it. I wonder what it must be like to be an ordinary and not be controlled by instinct."
"There are ordinaries I care about as you well know, but I think their life sounds rather bland. I usually like the passion and drive that comes from my inner wolf."
"I understand, but sometimes that passion can lead you to do things that you regret or at least come back to haunt you."
He pushed up off the chair and walked closer to her. "Are there things you regret, Eleri?"
"I believe we all have things we regret, your highness, but perhaps regret wasn't the right word. Only following my instincts and passion has led to some heartache for me, I'm afraid."
"Ah, you speak of the man you threw in my face the other day in the meadow."
"I wasn't throwing him in your face," she said sounding annoyed. "I was only letting you know where we stand. It didn't do much good."
He reached out and took her hand. She let him hold it, and he brought her closer. "I want you to know I do not regret what our passion and instincts led to in the meadow. I know you aren't convinced in the prophecy, and I have my doubts, but I do feel drawn to you, Eleri. I don't want to completely dismiss what this is."
She looked down at their conjoined hands. "I'm not sure what to say. I find myself conflicted in many ways." She looked up at him. "It is obvious I am not indifferent to you. It has thrown me off how pulled I feel to you, but first and foremost, we have a duty to the land. We must see it through before we even think about what the future could look like."
He pulled her even closer, and she did not resist. He slowly reached his free hand up and picked up a section of her wavy auburn hair. He ran his fingers down it, finding it silky and soft. "I think it would help fight for our future if we knew there was something worth fighting for." He leaned down. "I believe you and I could be worth fighting for."
He kissed her lips gently, letting her have a chance to pull away. When she did not, he kissed her more firmly. She let go of his hand, and he slipped it under her robe, to feel her body under her nightgown. He rested it on her hip before slowly moving it up her side. She made a noise and moved closer to him, her robe falling completely open. The feel of her body against his with so little between them, made him want to pick her up and take her to the sofa close by. He held back, not wanting to go too fast with her. He wanted to take his time and not scare her away. He could not ruin this.
His hand grazed her breast, and he knew it was going too far. With great reluctance he finished their kiss, pulling back slowly and letting her go. Her eyes fluttered open, and she stared up at him. "I should go to my room, your highness."
"Did you pick a book?"
"I suppose any will do." She chose a small red one.
There was a knock at the door that caused them both to look at it. It opened slowly and her personal guard walked into the doorway.
"My lady, are you well? I checked your room to make sure you were safe and did not find you. I figured you might come here."
"I am well, Aron. I only wished to grab a book to take to bed with me, and the prince happened to walk in. We have been having an interesting conversation, but I will be going to my room in a moment."
The guard looked at the prince with something that resembled suspicion before bowing and walking back out of the room.
"I don't think he likes me very much," said Conri with a chuckle.
"You are his prince and one day his king, and he will follow you. He is only a little protective of me."
"He seems to think you might need protecting from me."
She laughed. "Maybe he thinks you might be the one not safe from, my prince. He knows me very well." She looked down at her book. "I'm not sure how much sleep I will get no matter what I read." She paused for a moment before staring at him. "If you wish to know if we are really worth fighting for, you will need to get to know me better and I, you. You may find that while your instincts call out for me, your heart and mind may not be able to abide by me. I imagine I am not always an easy woman to take." With that, she threw her hand out, and the fire disappeared.
He turned to look at the fireplace, and when he had turned back around, she was walking through the door. He fell back against the chair, feeling as though his legs couldn't fully support him. He imagined she was a difficult woman at times, but he had always liked a challenge.
He waited a few moments until he found the strength to leave the cold dark room. The idea of a book was gone from his head. All he wanted to do was get to his room and think about his shared kiss with Eleri. He imagined the servants thought him quite a deviant when they changed his sheets each day.
As he came to the third-floor landing to turn to the east wing towards his chambers he heard a noise in the hallway to his left. Wondering if it was Eleri, he turned to find not her, but Aella walking towards him in her bare feet, wearing just a nightgown.
He walked to meet her down the hallway. "You will freeze out here, dressed so. You should go back to your room where it is warm."
She stopped very close to him and took his hand. "I have been watching for you. It has been a while since you have come to me, Conri." She moved very close to him, putting her free hand on his chest.
With his blood already raised from his experience with Eleri in the library, he felt his body react instantly to her touch. She must have noticed it too because she gave him a sly smile before leaning up and kissing him. He knew he should push her away. What he had done with her in the past had been a mistake. They could never be, and he did not wish to hurt her. Even if he knew she was not for him, he still cared for her.
He did not push her away. He became lost in the lust he felt for her along with feelings that still pulsed through him from his shared kiss with Eleri. Before long he let Aella pull him towards her bedroom, feeling as though he was in a cloud of desire. As soon as she closed their door behind him, she took him to her bed, where they both fell upon it, him kissing her as he hovered over her.
She moaned his name as he kissed down her body while pulling up her soft white nightgown. As his lips met the bare skin of her inner thigh, he pulled back. Her skin did not taste right. He tried again, moving closer to her center as she writhed underneath him. He let out a groan of frustration as he pulled back again, this time falling back on the bed away from her. His body told him he needed her, but he did not have the will to take anything further.
"What is wrong?" she asked as she sat up and looked at him.
"This isn't right. You know it isn't. I never should have even touched you, to begin with."
"Are you not pleased by our activities?" She scooted closer to him. "If you need more, I am very willing, Conri. You do not need to worry about me. I know we can never be more than we are now, but I want to enjoy the time we have together. While we may never marry, it does not mean we could not meet like this even after you take a wife."
He looked at her sharply as he felt sick to his stomach. He realized she had no idea what it would mean for him to take a true mate. Once he had marked his own and been marked back, no one else would even remotely be tempting to him. He had only kissed Eleri, and already he felt that no one could satisfy him like her.
"No," he said as he shook his head. "That could never be. Once I am married, I will want only my wife."
She sat back a little before a small smile formed on her lips. She moved back towards him putting her hand on his chest. "Well, that could be many years until you meet your bride. Until then, there is no reason why you and I should not have fun."
"Aella," he said sadly as he took her hand off his chest.
She moved forward and kissed his neck as her hands went to raise up his shirt. She kissed down his body moving her hands down to his pants. He knew he should tell her to stop, but he didn't want to. His need was growing to become too much, and he wasn't sure he had the power to stop her even if he tried.
She looked up at him as she pulled down his pants while he took off his shirt. She gave him a playful smile before lowering her head back down and taking him into her mouth. He lay back with a groan and closed his eyes as he let her have her way. If he thought of another while he enjoyed her efforts, he would never let her know.