"It is outrageous to be defeated, and even more so if you did not fight to avoid it.".
I could not put that into words, but I did feel it after our near extermination in the year eight hundred and forty-five, that is, when I was eleven years old.
I was in the orphanage. Recently, my parents abandoned me there, when the day was falling. It was not just any farewell. Both of them, especially my father, made a request to me with a thread in their voice that I agreed to comply with without knowing why:
"Never reveal your last name to anyone until you join the military.... Please..."
What does the last name Ackerman represent? Danger, salvation?
Even, today, I don't understand it.
Picking up the story, the young woman who greeted me - if I recall correctly, her name was Alice - for some reason, her eyes dilated and sparkled just as she told her my name, though I didn't think anything of it at the time. She led me into a room that resembled a funeral, where boys and girls about my age were seated.
The atmosphere was contagiously depressing.
Of course; surely they were still waiting for a family to take them into their arms. And it was only my first day there; I didn't know what the future would bring.
Which about five minutes later would be defined....
We were startled by a loud knock at the door. It was Miss Alice, in a panic: "Everyone, gather around and follow me! We have to get out of here, or the titans will devour us!
No one thought twice.
We hurried with Alice to the exit of the residence - and in general, of the area of the Maria wall where we were in danger - and many of the orphans were screaming and hiccuping. Someone must have told them something macabre about those titans to make them take that attitude.
Back then, I didn't pay attention to urban legends.
Little by little more children and women joined us until the whole orphanage was emptied. The little ones were carried in the arms of the women, who, because of their clothes, I assumed were working with Alice.
We escaped and kept running in search of a safe place. Agony was in the air with the screams of horror of the inhabitants.
However, I was instantly alerted by a sequence of heavy gunfire in the distance, more precisely at the gate that connected to one of the wall districts. I was tempted to see what was going on, and so I did. I stopped my steps and turned my head back.
Bullets were flying at a hulking, armored creature that looked like a human.
"Is that a titan?" I questioned.
The titan was running in the direction of the gate without being placated by the cannonballs fired by the Garrison soldiers. They in turn tried to run away from him.
"Why don't they train to face the titans? Why are they running away?" I questioned again, feeling helpless as soon as that titan managed to knock down the door and part of the walls, which were thrown into the air.
"Fiona, get away from there! Fiona!
It thundered across the floor behind me.
It took only a quick glance to know that Alice had been crushed to death.
"Alice!"shrieked her companions. They didn't have time to approach with the children, as they were also crushed. Puddles of blood lay under the rubble.
I cried in terror. I covered my eyes, thinking that this way everything would disappear. Rather, the world around me perished. I don't know where I found the courage to confront the author of this disgrace: "You are so evil...".
His eyes were filled with the desire to annihilate, like the horde of terrifying humanoids that entered our territory with a smile.
As soon as I spotted them, I resumed my run. My breath hitched as I moved forward.
Fortunately, I spotted two soldiers from the Garrison branch who immediately came to my aid and flew with me through the air to the other side of the wall. It was almost dark when they warned that we landed in the Trost district.
⚔️
I woke up tired and hungry. I seemed to be in a small square. There were many people crowded in different places: adults, children, old people and soldiers supervising. It was a new day.
I examined the place where I had just slept. It consisted of a small mattress and a thin blanket.
"What about my parents?" I stood up with a start, and was saddened not to find them in the crowd. "Are they dead?"
Who knew. They didn't run away in time. If they had, they would have been looking for me. However, I blamed myself for not giving them a second thought either before or during the mass slaughter.
My musings were interrupted when I noticed a child coming towards me, very excited and in a hurry, with a loaf of bread in his hand. I was puzzled by this attitude.
He looked about my age, and he was blond.
"You're awake at last!" He said by way of greeting and held out the bread to me, smiling, "I figured you were hungry.
It took me a few seconds to process his actions. I could tell he went to a lot of effort to get that bread, and he was happy to give it to me. He transmitted a fraction of his revitalizing aura to me, and I accepted the food.
"Thank you" my words came out involuntarily. No stranger besides my parents had ever been so kind to me, and that scared me a little. However, I was in no position to refuse help. But you haven't eaten?
"Not really, no, but I felt you needed it more than I did.
That child kept smiling even in his destitution!
-I'm sorry; it would be very rude of me not to share it," I broke the bread in half and extended one to him. It's my way of repaying your kindness.
-Why, thank you very much! -He took it with more emotion than before. He sat with me on the edge of the mattress and we began to eat it slowly.
-What's your name? -I asked without taking my eyes off him.
-Reiner. Reiner Braun, and you?
"It's true... I promised my father....".
"Fiona" I lowered my head in sorrow.
"It's okay, Fiona. You must still be too hurt to trust anyone right away.
That puzzled me: "What do you mean?
"The district where I lived with Bertholdt, my best friend" he nodded at a distant black-haired boy sitting on the floor. I was sure it was him, and he kept staring at us. I ignored him and continued to pay attention to Reiner "It was destroyed and they asked us to evacuate. We were transported in ships, and on the way here, I managed to see you.... What I hate most is the suffering of others, and as I can, I offer them help. So I wanted to do it with you.
"If he was in the Shiganshina district, he presumably experienced something horrible. Still, he didn't think about his life only. He also thought of mine... It's very noble..."
I was moved. It was unbelievable that a child like him would be considerate and brave enough to help a stranger. My tears ran down my cheek unintentionally. I took a deep breath.
"Forgive me for crying. It's just that I don't see things like this every day, and they're so beautiful that they make me sentimental.
"It's okay" he beamed his tender smile at me" .In fact, it just goes to show that you and I both like to help others. You're a very good person, Fiona....
"Reiner, we have to go. We have to find a place to stay from now on," the boy I was talking about approached us, shyly, and almost stammering, greeted me: "How are you?
"Hello, Bertholdt.
Reiner, standing up, broke the awkward silence between us, "I'm sorry we can't talk more.
I stood up as well: "So... shall we go our separate ways?
"For now. I look forward to the day when we'll see each other again" his look conveyed illusion.
"Yes, me too. But if not, I will always remember your kindness" I said.
It took him a few seconds to react, and he extended his hand to me. I returned his handshake.
"Take care" he slowly walked away with his companion and made a hand gesture of farewell.
"Goodbye!
They were lost in the crowd. And in me there was a great satisfaction of having been supported in such a gray moment of my life, as that tragedy was.
I knew that, once again, I would have to live in an orphanage, but it would be until I turned fourteen, the recommended age to join the army. To fulfill my parents' last wishes, and to reunite with Reiner and give back even more than his big heart deserved.
I was confident that would happen.