Life started to get really passive, every day was the same again and again. I really wanted nothing to do with it anymore. Do you ever feel like nothing is going wrong but nothing is going right at the same time? I tend to feel like this time to time, it might be my incessant need for something more, but that's where everything starts to get really conflicting, isn't being happy all about being grateful for what you have, so why would you need to find for something more, I was a graduating medical student, I had a pretty okay physique, all are things I would have never imagined when I was younger, it was so much better than schooling days when things were even more depressing. That's what is really funny about all of this, why is it that every sequel in our lives tends to be a spent wanting, why is there a need to be liked, is that the equation of a happy life... If you know the answer then let me know...
xoxo Clark
Clark walked by the beach, the sun was setting but he didn't seem to have been admiring the orange-tinged sky but only looking at his feet as his toes dig through the sand. He had a saddened look, nothing wrong but nothing right at the same time. There were kids running, grown-ups with beach shorts playing volleyball, and ladies gossiping at the corner.
He didn't notice any of these and just looked at the trail he was following. He noticed shells, bottles, and rubbish, all casual things you would find walking on the beach. He didn't stop to pick up any though, he didn't consider himself a humanitarian so he didn't bother trying to be a good human, when his world was crashing down no one picked up his shit. He eventually got tired and moved on to sit on a blanket, he had laid for himself before going for his walk so all he had to do now was just put his ass down. He sat there realizing the sunset for the first time that painted the sky this whole time, a tear trickled down his face.
"Why is it so beautiful?" he says frustrated at the fact such a beautiful sight was here right in front of him when his life was going down a slope, a steep one, not even in the slowing down for a bit. He sat there, tears falling more aggressively than before until eventually, he was alone sitting on the beach looking at the dark sky with not a single star lighting it up.
"This is more like it," he says sadly
*****
"Dude, congrats on graduating, how does it feel to be out of school?" Mark, Clark's friend from way back in middle school asks after congratulating the fresh grad. He looked at Clark enthusiastically awaiting his response. Everyone around him seemed to have been way more excited about this whole ordeal rather than him.
"Tiring," Clark answered, after moments of Mark's question.
"Tiring? Eyhhh, be happy man, weren't you excited about this for a while now? It's been 5 years, you're a doctor." he comments trying to lift his best friend's mood.
"Mmmm, have you talked to Jackie lately?" Clark switches the topic.
Mark realizes this but decides not to press him any further, he didn't want to poke where he shouldn't, he knew that if there was something that Clark needed to talk about he would tell him, he didn't have to pry anymore.
"Jackie? I haven't talked to her for a few years now, what do you mean? Did something happen?" Mark answers.
"Did something happen?" he questions back.
"Ow no, it's just been quite a while since the talked." Clark got quiet.
"Okayyyy, so what do you wanna order? This place serves a lot of white people food, so you should just go ham." Mark jokes nudging Clark's shoulder seeing if he got it, he tries to lift the convo after it went from one depressing topic to another. Clark looked at him with a distasteful look and went back to scavenging through the menu for something that had any resemblance to an Indian dish.
They chatted for a while, they talked about a lot since they hadn't met for a while now, after school Mark had gone off to do other things, mainly in the entertainment industry while Clark stayed in school. They reminisced about the past and how everything went by so quickly and all of them had grown up so fast. In truth this made him feel a lot more shitty, his heart broke as the convo went on, everything was a lot simpler when they were in school, together, but now everything seemed to have just faded, but I guess that is what time does to you, it just goes by if you don't pay much heed to it.
After they had both ended their casual meetup. Clark stopped by the same beach earlier that week, he did the same things getting stares from all around as he repeats the same things as if a routine he had just cultivated. He sat at the same spot at the beach hoping that it would be different, maybe something would click this time, you know, a thought might come in and shift his life, maybe a rock could hit him and everything would suddenly be dandy.
That's when a poster flew by and slapped him in his face, VACAY AT BANGKOK, literally what it said, he crumpled the page throwing it aside, he didn't think much on the matter but events coming felt like more of a sign that just several coincidences. He met a Thai man asking for direction, he suddenly had calls coming in asking him whether he would like to take a trip to Thailand and a new Thai restaurant opening right below his apartment felt like a punch in the face from buddha rather than just by chance.
He really got to thinking.
"Thailand?" he muttered