Chereads / HIS FIRST LOVE~ / Chapter 18 - 17. GRIEF AND REGRET

Chapter 18 - 17. GRIEF AND REGRET

Bang Pd closed the file and sighed rubbing his temples. He shouldn't stress this much it's not healthy for him but then again he's a CEO. His phone vibrated he noticed it and saw the caller ID his wife Bang Gaeun calling. A smile plastered on his face seeing his wife's name. He picked the call and put it near his ears waiting for his wife to speak.

"Yeobo where are you!?" She asks softly. "I'm working Gaeun-ahh. What happened!? Is something wrong should I come ho–" He was cut off by his wife. "I'm fine honey no need to come....home" she replies. Bang Pd furrows his brows starting to worry. His wife didn't sound good.

"Why did you call me then?" He asks fixing his glasses Gaeun goes silent on the other side almost like hesitating to say. "It's....it's just t-that I miss our s-son. When I went out for a grocery shopping while coming back I saw a cute family and that reminded me of ours....Si hyuk I want a child....let's a-adopt–"

"No Gaeun you know we can't and we've talked about this several times." He cuts her off and refuses her, not like he not wanted but it's just too—

"But why?" She questions her voice coming out gloomy. Bang Pd sighs "It's just too late for us to adopt one" he answers it ached his heart too, to refuse his wife.

"P-Please....Si hyuk it's not late....I-I really want one....our son..." Gaeun's voice quavers as she tries to speak. It's clear in her voice that she's trying to control her tears. "Don't cry Gaeun-ahh....how about we continue this talk once I get home" He suggests hoping she would agree and she did. "Hmm....okay" was all the response he got before his wife hang up.

He sighs again thinking about what his wife said. This wasn't new she always requests to adopt one or try for it but he knows it's too late. And trying for another option he would've done it years back but the doctors have said that if she will be pregnant again it's a risk and he could lose his precious wife.

He would rather not have a child. He was fine with it but Gaeun wasn't she loved kids more than anything and having her own child is what she always dreamt and still do. It hurts him too, not having a lovely family of their own. For him adopting isn't the best option because he knows both of them couldn't care for him much and now when he's a CEO he can't spend much time. He has tried all possibilities ans gave up on having a child.

He rests his head to the headboard of his chair closing his eyes and thinking of the times they had their first born child. The time when he came home and got a life- changing surprise from his beloved wife. He couldn't be more happy after from that day all the moments they spent when Gaeun was pregnant.

All those memories weren't just happy ones they were times when it was tough to handle his wife's mood swings but he didn't mind he understood her. Times when they both at some point doubted if they'll be a good parents for their child. Times when Bang Si hyuk had to overwork to meet the ends meets and save money for their soon to be born child. He did whatever he could do as a soon to be father & as a  husband.

He was also proud of his wife who endured all the pains carrying their child in her womb for nine months. He felt like she was having more hard time then him. At past he couldn't be more thankful to her.

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Everyday he would say "you know I'm really lucky to have such a gorgeous wife and a beautiful daughter. I couldn't ask more from God."

"Hey!! Who said it's gonna be daughter it could be son too" Gaeun says pouting while caressing her womb. "But i want a beautiful mini Gaeun...." Bang Si Hyuk says   turning the Gas off and look at his wife. Goshh he loved her so much. "I bet it's Mini Si Hyuk" Gaeun says smiling at him. "How can you be so sure!?" He asks raising his brow.

"My motherly instincts says it's a baby boy" She replies chuckling. Bang Si Hyuk chuckled too kneeling down on one knee and kissing her wife's Womb saying "whatever you say love...."

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Everything felt so unreal, they were so happy that their dreams of having a child were coming true. But one day everything crashed down so fast that made him take a decision he regrets taking. The decision that costs their only child's life.

Wiping the corner of his eyes. Bang Pd sighs again glancing at the drawer that was situated below the table. He stretches his arms out and opens the drawer there reveals a picture and a gun. He stares at the beautiful picture of his family. His wife laying down on the bed holding their son and Bang Pd staring at his wife & son. He still remembers that moment and the emotions he felt after holding their first baby. He cried that day he just couldn't hold it in because he felt completed.

His happiness knew no boundaries and he sweared to himself he would try his best to be a good father for their son. If only he knew what was coming to them that he had to pay his son for all of his sins he had committed. That they will forever grief over their son's death. That they would be living in misery.

I'm a horrible father.....it's good you left us I couldn't have protected you.

The creak sound of the door made Bang Pd come back to reality he quickly closed the drawer and looked up and saw his secretary Jee Dohyun. "Are you busy sir!? I will come afterwards if you're...." He asked confused. Bang Pd waves his hands faking a smile. "It's nothing. So what did you come for!?" He asks fixing his glasses.

Dohyun puts the file on the table and stands straight. "How's the therapy session of both the group is going?" Bang Pd asks leaning back to his chair. Dohyun's face immediately lightens and a small smile crepts his face which didn't go unnoticed by Bang Pd.

"It's going well Sir but I came to heard that Hoseok barely attends the sessions scheduled" Dohyun says

"Ohh is that all!?" Bang Pd asks completely ignoring about Hoseok's complaint. He knows Hoseok could be a little trouble and he also knows how Hoseok is. After all he's a CEO nothing goes unnoticed by him.

Dohyun furrows his brow in confusion seeing his Boss ignoring about Hoseok but he chooses not to ask and ignore it too. "Sir i think BTS needs some rest for some time. Namjoon told me it's getting difficult for them they need some time for themselves so they can come back stronger and better." Dohyun answers fixing his own glasses.

Bang Pd remains silent for a moment to think about what just Dohyun said indeed he has noticed how's the group behaving recently and how Namjoon looks so depressed and finding it hard to keep the group in track. He sighs and looks up at his Secretary.

"Fine they'll have break for 2 months but also tell them to complete all the schedules of this month before going on a break" Dohyun nods at the statement a little surprised how quickly the CEO made the decision but nevertheless he was happy that the boys gets to rest for some time.

The boys will really be happy....

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Hoseok is in his studio writing lyrics. He looked at his phone and saw the timing it's already half past 11. He sighs scribbling on the sheet. Drinking his alcohol he stares at the sheet reading what he has written. He smirks to himself as he's proud of himself.

I'm craving for blood

Wanna colour my hands with my favorite colour Red

Wanna make people's lives miserable

& see them beg for their pity life

I miss feeling such insane emotions

Yess I'm sick in the head

& yes I'm not Hoseok...

He chuckles wiping the corner of his mouth. He takes the paper and folds it nicely and keep it in the drawer. Packing all his belongings he stands up and walks out of the studio.

Minji who was heading to Hoseok's studio design stops and see Hoseok walking in her direction. Suddenly her heart starts to beat faster. She curses herself trying to calm the over excited heart of her. She smiles and waves at Hoseok nervously whether he will curse her or just ignore her but surprisingly he waves back and that to with a smile

This can't be true.....am I dreaming!?

Maybe I'm, omg did he just waved back and smiled at me!?

From where did the sunrise today!?

Her already fast beating heart skipped beats seeing the gorgeous smile of the guy she loved. Hoseok was already infront of her standing looking down at her. Why he's so fucking tall!? Minji thought slowly looking up at him her lips pursed.

She wasn't sure if this is just a act or she will get mocked or insulted again. Hoseok was unpredictable. You never know what he really thinks you can't even guess he's that difficult to understand. Even though it's been only a month since she's working as their manager but she has learned so many things about the group. She found everyone normal and good but for some reason she found Jungkook & Hoseok Mysterious.

"What's it Manager Nim" Hoseok asked bringing Minji back to reality. She shook her head opening the file. "Were you going home?" She asked and Hoseok just hummed in response.

Minji looks up at Hoseok she can't even stare at him without blushing like a stupid 14 year old fangirl. 'You need to be professional here and not be a blushing mess seeing your idol' she reminded herself. "Hoseok Tomorrow you have a solo commercial shooting and then this magazine photo shoot with the members. Be on time at 7am Don't forget it okay!??" Minji asks turning the pages checking if there's anything else left to say.

When she looks back she finds Hoseok already staring at her with heart eyes a small smile on his face. Minji can feel her heart again skipping a beat or two. Immediately looking down "W-Why...a-are you...looking at me....l-like that..?" She asks stuttering. Embarrassed of her own self.

"Looking at you how Manager Nim?" Hoseok questions back smirking.

"L-Like...that....D-Don't l-look at me...l-like t-that" Minji by now was a stuttering and blushing mess. Hoseok chuckles enjoying  how flustered Minji got. Minji couldn't help but smile too hearing Hoseok chuckle. His giggles were music to her ears. But for some reason she found his laugh different from what she had heard. She didn't exactly know what but it was calming for her.

"Okay I won't look at you like that...." Hoseok replies stroking Minji's brown hairs and walking away from her. Minji stands there dumbstruck of what just happened. She slowly brings her right hand towards her head and touches where Hoseok touched. She then looks back finding no one, Hoseok already left. She shyly smiles to herself couldn't control the happiness she's feeling.

Hoseok doing something like this for the first time talking to her without mocking her or yelling at her. It was unexpected and surprising. Grinning to herself she walks towards her own office.

"I ain't gonna let this shit happen....." The guy who hid in the pillars muttered coming out from hiding. He witnessed everything that happened few minutes ago. Curling his fists in anger he started walking away.

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Jay can really be scary sometimes even as a author I'm scared.

Poor Minji :(

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