As soon as the lock clicked behind Nicole and Amy Amy pinned Nicole against the wall and kissed her. Nicole loved the feeling of Amy's lips pressing desperately against hers, warmth spread through both of them as they pined for each other. Amy pulled away from Nicole and put her hands on Nicole's waist.
"I do like you Nicky, I like you a lot. And I want to keep doing this, but I think a relationship would be a bit much right now. Can we not label it for now?" Nicole felt her spirits drop as Amy said this, of course she knew dating would be...odd right now. But it made her felt used that Amy wanted only the physical aspects of this and not the romantic ones. She lightly pushed Amy away as she leaned back in for a kiss. She went to sit on her bed, disappointment showing through her face.
"I'm not sure I'd like that, I know you want this to stay a secret, but you don't even want to date me?" Nicole looked up at Amy, hurt and confused, painting her face. "I like kissing you, but I don't want that to be where this relationship ends. I want to be able to show you off and take you out on dates, not just as friends...or friends that kiss." Amy approached Nicole and sat on the bed next to her, keeping her limbs to herself, but desperately wanting to hold her hand. Nicole was crying, of course Amy wanted to console her, she just wasn't sure how to do that without getting Nicole's hopes up.
"I do want to date you! Of course I do Nicole, you've been there for me forever. You're always there for me and I hate hurting you like this."
"Is it because I'm a girl too, do you hate the idea that you could love me so much?" These words hurt Amy, she had trusted Nicole with a sensitive part of herself and Nicole was acting like a child.
"No it's not, why would it be, I like you Nicole regardless of your gender because you're important to me." Amy scooted away from Nicole, trying to allow her space. Nicole wiped the tears from her face and looked at Amy.
"You're right, I'm sorry I'm being sensitive. I need to focus on accomplishing what my dad couldn't anyway. Dating you would be a distraction, I need to stay focused and not get distracted by these juvenile things." Amy nodded, trying not to be hurt by these words. "If we're not going to date I'd prefer you didn't kiss me anymore. That's something I only want to do with someone who can commit to me." Nicole stood up and went to the door unlocking it slowly. "I'm going for a run."
"I'll come with you then-"
"No, Amy I need to think for a while and clear my head. Please stay here." Amy sat back down on the bed and watched as Nicole walked out of the room. Leaving Amy feeling guilt ridden and tired, why couldn't she ever say things the right way. She really did care about Nicole in a romantic way, but she felt dating right now would make things bad and awkward. They'd be living in the same house and they'd see each other all the time, who would want that so early in a relationship?
Meanwhile Nicole was out near the park they always walked to, she wanted to sit at the benches and relax away from the house. The house she just had her heart broken in. When she arrived at the park she sat at the benches and looked at the play structure, a play structure that she and Eva had always hung out on when they were younger. She thought back to the last time they had been at the park, it had been when Eva confessed. They were on the swings and Eva had sprung the confession on her. Nicole tried to turn her down in the nicest way possible, but Eva still found a way to make Nicole feel bad about turning her down. Now that Nicole knew what it felt like to be rejected she almost felt as if she couldn't really blame Eva for being so upset with her.
Had Eva felt the same way? Like she had lost something that was never really hers to being with, as if she could never recover? It was true that Nicole still needed to focus on her dad's dreams but she couldn't help feeling as if she had been robbed of some of her childhood because of her goals. She had always strived to accomplish what her father couldn't, even if it meant she wasn't allowed to enjoy other things along the way. She had missed so many birthday parties and celebrations over this need to achieve her fathers goals for her. Did she even want to do that anymore? She wasn't sure and she didn't know if the person she had been all her life was a simple reflection of what she thought her father would want her to be. And she didn't want to think about those things right now, it wouldn't help her at all, if anything it would give her more problems.
She stood from the bench and walked over to the swings where she had been confessed to. She sat in the middle one and rocked gently back and forth, thinking back to that day. Should she have given Eva a chance? Would Eva still love Nicole even now or would she have grown sick of Nicole's goals and tireless effort to be her father. Nicole stopped thinking just letting the motion of rocking back and forth on the swing absorb her problems. She could think about this another day, maybe a day when someone loved her.