"If you were given a chance to go back in time, would you take it? When and where would you go?"
This was the question they asked during our high school reunion and it got me pondering. Would I take it? Maybe, probably, should I?
Although I had some ups and downs, my life now was almost perfect.
I'm married to a good man, lived in a house big enough to be considered a mansion, had servants, and a booming career. If one were to look at it from that point of view, I was by all standards successful. So, to ask for more, many people might say that I was an ingrate.
However, as a human being, I still think of the what ifs.
Perhaps one would understand me more if I were to give a rough outline of what my life was before this point.
I, Michelle Lui, was born with a diamond spoon. My family was part of the social class which many people could only dream of. Rich and affluent, I was able to live the life just like that of a princess. Yet, due to some unforeseen circumstances, we were pushed down from the top of the social strata.
Again, it was not due to some evil plot like what most people would imagine given the influence from television shows and novels. There was no one to blame for the fall from grace.
Anyway, I took it all in strides and learned from there. I worked my way up, and here I am.
I'm not saying that my life isn't good now. It is, and I know I wouldn't be here without that happening.
Still, a part of me wished that I could go back in time. Reexperience my life before that event, do a lot of things I never got to do.
--
As I drove my brand new BMW home, I looked up at the 3-storey house my husband and I had built. Could I give all of this up for a second chance at what?
Love? Life? Career? Didn't I have all of that now?
I read all about the butterfly effect and knew that if I go back in time, I have no guarantee that I will still have everything that I have now. I laughed at myself. Why am I even thinking of that? That kind of magic can only ever happen in novels and movies.
Anyway, I climbed up the stairs and went inside our room. I saw my husband on the bed, sitting while typing on his laptop. He was still working this late at night.
"you just got back?" he asked as he looked up. He was wearing his glasses while in his pajamas. He really looked comical that way.
"Yes, why are you still up? Can't that wait till you get back at work?" I told him. It was annoying that although we were successful in both of our careers, we rarely get the time to bond. It was either he was too busy, or I was too busy at work.
He took off his eyeglasses as he rubbed the bridge of his nose. "I wish. How was your class reunion?"
"Same old. They were asking why you didn't come with me. By the way, I still feel sour about that. What if they start thinking that you're having an affair?" I said as I moved to change my clothes.
He chuckled as he stood up from the bed and moved to hug me from behind. "I would have loved to, but you know how busy I am these days. I'm hoping to get promoted as Senior Vice President by next month, then you won't have to work anymore and enjoy your dream as a semi-retired housewife."
I laughed, "You know earlier, they asked the question 'if given the chance to go back in time would you take it?' and it got me thinking… If I can go back, then I will go back to purchase a lot of bitcoin, then we will never have to go to work again. How about you? What will you do if given the chance?"
"Though I think that your plan sounded brilliant, I doubt that you will just do that."
"Why? By the way you did not answer my question yet."
"Because I bet you will only go date a lot of other boys before me!"
I turned to face him and slapped his chest in mock anger. "how could you say that?"
He laughed as he kissed my lips. "What? Not true? Anyway, me, I don't want to go back in time. I'm quite happy where I'm at now. Also, just thinking of all those grueling days I spent… ah, I don't even want to relive them."
"Hmpft! I don't know what grueling days you're talking about, as I recall, you were just busy dating Lara when we were in college." Actually, I myself am not so sure what he did back then. He never liked to talk about it. I only figured that he dated Lara because of a picture I found in his old wallet.
We never did discuss much about his college days, in fact, he never did share much about his life before we met. I did accept him though. I knew that some stories were hard to talk about. Just like the way I never saw the point of telling him what my family once was.
Anyway, I just wanted him to say that he'll date me from the very start instead. Until now, I still feel jealous just thinking that he loved her first.
"If I haven't been in that relationship before dating you, perhaps you would not like me at all. You're the one who benefitted from that. I was quite the stoic iceberg who felt that the world revolved around him at that time."
"Fine. Anyway, let me take a shower first. You go back to bed."
"You sure you don't want me to join you?"
I laughed at his innuendo but shook my head. "Later."
--
When I came out from the bathroom, he was already sleeping. I shook my head as I closed the lights. Three years into the marriage and we have come to this.
At first, our marriage was like a fairy tale, and I thought it would be a happily ever after. But reality was not that kind. Our marriage has been filled with moments of ardent passion, then there were times that it just felt so dull. Was it just me or do all married couples become like this in the long run?
Don't get me wrong though. I still love him so. It's just that, there were times that I don't understand him. Perhaps it's because he couldn't tell me about his experiences before we met and I just dont know about a part of his life which still sometimes bother him.
Anyway, whatever it may be, he will tell me in his own time. I took my side of the bed and fell asleep.
--
The next day was a Sunday, and I was hoping that my husband and I could go out on a date. However, when I try to reach for him, his side of the bed has already turned cold.
I understood how important our jobs were to us, but sometimes, I wish we could just throw all those responsibilities away. But what to do? We got to go and earn a living.
I rose from the bed and do my morning routine then checked my phone. My mailbox was full again and was prompting me to delete some messages. Ah… life.
--
The week passed by as my life returned to the monotonous repetitive cycle. Then I thought of the question again. If I can go back, surely, my life would not be like this.
I was a bit absent minded as I entered the elevator. It was a Sunday and I had to go to my office to do some last-minute work. I tapped my ID and pressed 42.
Suddenly, I felt the elevator shaking as the lights turned off. Then there was silence. I was alone in the dark, and I started to feel fear gripping me. I took out my phone to have some light.
As the screen lit up, I saw that it had no signal. What was happening?
I started to panic as I pressed up, down, and door open buttons but nothing happened. I pressed the emergency button, but nothing happened too. No one was answering my call. Desperately, I slammed my hand on the elevator door that was not opening.
"Is anybody there? Please, help!" I called.
However, that proved to be futile. No one answered, and I started crying. What was happening? It was so hot inside, and I was starting to feel faint.
Then I loss consciousness.
--
It felt so strange when I gained consciousness. I was still on the bed. Was it all a dream? I tried to reach for my phone which I habitually place on the nightstand ever since I can remember. I looked at the time, it was 5:58 am. I still have some time to sleep.
Then, I looked at my phone again. What was my RIM blackberry phone doing right here? I specially recalled this phone of mine as it was my present from my parents when I was able to enter the most prestigious university in our country.
I turned to look around. Wait, this was my room in my parents' house. Am I seeing things? Did I die in that elevator? No, I still have a lot of things to do in my life. I haven't even had my own child yet. How could this happen?
"Miss, wake up." I heard someone knock on the door. I recall that voice, it was my personal maid.
"Rona is that you?"
"Yes, Miss. You asked me to wake you up early today."
Then suddenly my phone started alarming. I tried to turn it off, as I saw the notification.
'School orientation: Day 1' it read.
I rechecked my phone and looked at the date, June 13, 2006.
What the actual fuck? I asked myself.
--
TBC