Selflessness is an important key to marriage, friendships, and relationships. It is also an essential key to happiness and fulfillment. But unfortunately, often overlooked.
Selflessness is often overlooked as a key to happiness because, on the surface, it appears to run contrary to the very notion. I mean, isn't the pursuit of happiness by its very nature selfish?
No, it is not. Or at least, it doesn't need to be.
Our lives can be lived for any number of purposes. They can be used to advance a personal kingdom for selfish reasons (money, possessions, fame, prestige, reputation). But our lives can also be lived for the pursuit of justice, happiness, or growth for another person or people group. We can live to solve the problems we encounter in this world. We can dedicate ourselves to advancing certain ideals. But only when we embrace service and selflessness will we find lasting significance in our world.
Many will try to define success in terms of winning out over others, having power over others, or the ability to dominate others. The lust for power is common and widespread in humans—the power to order others around, the power to make decisions that will impact others, and the power to own when others cannot.
But this type of happiness and influence is short-lived. It will always fade. Nobody is intimately drawn to selfishness. Nobody seeks the wise counsel of a selfish person. Nobody is willing to give themselves up for one who desires his own kingdom above all things.
However, we are uniquely drawn to those who selflessly give of themselves. Those who love and give generously find a type of fulfillment that extends beyond position, title, or structure. They find an authority that reaches into our heart and soul. Their example is studied. Their counsel is sought. Their stories are told in positive ways. And their happiness is truly lasting.
May we refuse to overlook the importance of selflessness. Instead, may we choose to pursue selflessness as the very means to achieve happiness—not just for our own sake, but for the sake of those we choose to love.
Many people distinguish selfish people as those who take and selfless people as those who give. Generally speaking, "selfless" gets a warmer welcome and is more widely accepted as "good", however I challenge both generalizations. Neither selfishness nor selflessness is good or bad. In fact, the two concepts are intricately linked.
Here's my take on it: You can be both selfish and/or selfless; we all are. We may be selfish in some areas, yet completely selfless in other areas.
Many people distinguish selfish people as those who take and selfless people as those who give. Generally speaking, "selfless" gets a warmer welcome and is more widely accepted as "good", however I challenge both generalizations. Neither selfishness nor selflessness is good or bad. In fact, the two concepts are intricately linked.
Here's my take on it: You can be both selfish and/or selfless; we all are. We may be selfish in some areas, yet completely selfless in other areas.
Let's look at the word: 'alone'. When you hear the word 'alone', do you picture someone sitting in a large room feeling sad and lonely? Perhaps, but what if it doesn't mean that at all? Picture a young mother reading on the beach by herself. Imagine that it is the first hour she has had to herself all day. To her, alone isn't lonely at all, but in fact, peaceful. In other words, we can create a new perspective and meaning for the word 'alone'.
It works the same way with selfishness. We could describe a selfish person as one who is self-assured, clear about one's goals, conscious of oneself, speaks up for oneself, and knows what one needs to do to be successful. He or she begins each day with a clear-cut list of what has to be done and how it could be accomplished. In a world like today's, without being selfish and taking care of ourselves, we can't stand anywhere for ourselves. In a society that deems selflessness as the ultimate form of kindness, we often allow our personal well-being to suffer in order to put others needs before our own, but what we need to realize is that it's necessary to be selfish and take care of ourselves first. How else will we be able to be selfless?
We could also describe a selfish person as someone who disregards the feelings of others. We can be so self-absorbed with our own life and our own plans that we forget to look around and realize how many other people are suffering and could use a little help. We comment hateful things to strangers on social media accounts. We flip off people for driving to slow for our own liking, we get angry at the waiter because we asked for water and he forgot to bring it. We are all guilty of doing something that we aren't necessarily proud of. We completely forget that we are human and can be selfish in those ways too.