On the way back to pick up Kennedy's SUV after dropping off Morgan at home after practice, was made in a heavy, but not entirely uncomfortable quiet.
As he drove Fox kept glancing over toward Kennedy, who was keeping his gaze locked on the passerbys outside his window. He knew simply by looking at him what was on his mind. His brow creased as the thought hit if on if Kennedy has ever told anyone the story of what happened to him and his brother beyond what little he'd said at the meetings.
What he did say was mainly how he was handling it now. Some happy memories that make the group smile and laugh appropriately. But over the last months, Fox had noticed that he never delved deeper than that.
He could see that pain and fear he held so closely with such plain viewing, he wondered how no one else had.
Reaching over, he slipped his hand into Kennedy's, lacing their fingers together as he attempted to give what he suspected Kennedy never really received. He didn't look at his,.but Kennedy squeezed Fox's hand in silent thanks.
When they reached the cemetery, Fox pulled up behind Kennedy's vehicle. "You okay?" He knew it was a stupid question, but he said it anyway.
"No. Not for a long time now." Kennedy exited the car but didn't walk around to get into his. Instead he walked slowly back over to the headstone Fox found him hunched over the night before.
Feeling a pulling he couldn't explain or understand, followed a moment later behind Kennedy. He stayed a foot or so behind Kennedy, allowing his privacy should he need it, but also staying close enough to catch him should he fall.
He watched him trace shaky fingers across the etched letters in the stone marker.
Brendan Jensen
January 21 1988 - July 12 2000
Beloved Son
Fox looked at the gravestone and remembered what Kennedy had told him. After his brother was taken, his parents turned him away. They'd even taken his existence from his brother's memory.
Fox heard him say something under his breath, assuming he was speaking to the brother he so dearly missed. Kennedy stood up and turned toward him, as if signaling they could now go, and began walking back toward the cars.
Fox grabbed his hand as he passed, stopping him. There were tears pooled heavily in his eyes, and Fox could see he was trying and failing to hold himself together. With the gentlest of tugs, Kennedy all but collapsed into Fox's hold.
Neither said a word one they broke apart and walked back to the car. Kennedy stopped at Fox's driver's side door before making his way to his own car. "You don't have to come back with me, you know."
By the look on his face Fox could tell the last thing he wanted was for him to go home. Fox traced his fingers down Kennedy's wet cheeks. "I'm not going anywhere but with you. Please follow me back to my house. Or can you honestly tell me you want me to just go home."
Kennedy closed his eyes and shook his head. "No, I can't honestly say that. I don't want you to just go home. But I..."
Fox kissed him gently when he stopped talking. "You what?"
"I'm scared, Fox. I've been on my own for so long...I don't know if I can do this."
"We're not doing anything. We're just there for each other." He put his hand on Kennedy's chest, "It's okay to feel sometimes, Kennedy."
"Is it?"
Fox studied him for a moment before he leaned forward and gently kisses his lips. "It's okay to feel with me. Now come on, let's get outta here."
Fox pulled into his driveway, Kennedy parked along the road and waited for him to run inside and deliver his mother's keys back to her. When he came back outside, Fox noticed Kennedy had slid into the passenger's side of the vehicle, his face hidden in his hand.
Without comment, Fox climbed in behind the wheel and headed toward Kennedy's house. The ride was made in quiet, only the soft sounds of the radio could be heard.
When they arrived inside, Kennedy kicked off his shoes and plopped himself down on the large, black leather sofa.
"How about this," Fox suggested as he sat down beside him. "Let's order something...pizza, Chinese, whatever...throw on some good, funny movies, and just laugh ourselves into a coma and forget about the world for a while. How does that sound?"
Kennedy smiled lightly. "Perfect."
They ended up ordering Chinese food and spent the better portion of the next few hours laughing and joking about the movies they had selected.
Fox glanced over toward him, a small smile adorning his face as he caught Kennedy sleeping. He knew he must have been tired. Fox studiously watched him, allowing himself to feel without hiding.
The truth was, was that he was starting to fall for Kennedy. The truth was the prospect shook him to his core. He had a boyfriend in highschool. He had many friends with which he could discuss feelings, crushes, or even more mundane life happenings.
He had none of that now. After River's death Fox spiraled. He ran away from any and all attempts at comfort from his friends or even his family, choosing instead to remain in the horror his brother didn't make it out of. If both of them couldn't make it out...
But now...while he was still held within the nightmare of his past, he found himself wanting to be by Kennedy's side. He wanted, he thought, life. Life outside the pain and solitude. A life, maybe, with Kennedy.
As he watched him sleep he wondered if Kennedy would want a life with him as well.
His thoughts were interrupted as Kennedy's face distorted and he moaned a pittyful sound. He twitched and shuttered as small, child-like whimpers escaped him. Fox watched this play out for only a minute, hoping that maybe the dream would pass.
When it did not, seemingly to only bring Kennedy further into its grasp, Fox sat forward and placed a hand against his shoulder, shaking him the slightest bit. "Kennedy." Kennedy jumped awake, a sound of pain and fear leaping up from his bowels as his eyes opened. "It's okay. It's okay. It's just me. It's alright now."
Kennedy looked around as if not quite sure where he was, the confusion clearing as his eyes landed back on Fox. "No. No, it's isn't." His eyes watered against his will and he cured himself for it.
Fox slid closer until their bodies were touching, winding his arm around Kennedy's lower back. "Talk to me."
"How?" He looked helpless. "I've never...I've never told anyone."
"There's a first for everything. I'm not going anywhere, Kennedy. Take your time. Tell me what happened."
"Fox..." His voice broke then as more tears fell unnoticed.
"Kennedy," Fox, with a gentle hand, pulled Kennedy's face around to meet his eyes. "Trust me," he said before placing a soft, comforting kiss against the corner of his lips.
Kennedy leaned in toward him and Fox brought his arms around him, supporting him in more ways than one. It also meant Kennedy could tell this story without looking at Fox directly. Instead he looked down his forearm where his head rested against his shoulder.
"I wanted to go play at the park. I begged Brendan to take me 'cause I wasn't allowed to go alone. I could tell he didn't want to, but I also knew that it wasn't likely he'd say no. I always wanted to be with him. And he...always let me. I idolized him..."
***
"Give me ten minutes, okay? Then I'll take you to the park." Brendan smiled as his little brother giggled in delight. He could never deny him and Brendan knew that Kennedy knew that as well.
Twenty minutes later they arrived at the park the two had grown up.playing at. "Will you push me on the swings, Brenny?"
Brendan smiled. He loved the nickname Kennedy had given him when he'd first learned to speak, and was secretly glad that the kid hasn't grown out of calling him that. "You bet."
Kennedy grinned widely and ran giggling toward the swings. They played there at the park for the next couple of hours, running back and forth between the swings and the slides. Brendan even showed Kennedy the best way to quickly make it across the monkey bars, holding onto his hips as the smaller boy flew across the bars.
They laughed and played the time away. Suddenly, Brendan called an end to their outting, his eyes serious and calculating. "Kennedy, come on, it's time to go." He grabbed the boy's hand and began walking the way they had come.
As he looked over his shoulder and walked that much faster, Kennedy became afraid. "Brenny, what's wrong?" He looked behind them and saw a man not far behind. He couldn't make out his face. "Who is that?"
"I don't know. But when I tell you to run, you do it. Don't argue and don't stop until you get home. Do you understand?"
Kennedy, now crying silently, nodded. "I understand."
"Good. Remember, don't stop until you get home. Call the cops. I love you, Kenny." He glanced behind him again, as did Kennedy. The man had gained on them. "Run. Now."
***
"And I did. I just ran like he told me. I didn't realize he wasn't with me until I was almost home." Kennedy tightened his grip around Fox's hold.
"What happened then?" Fox gently coaxed when it was clear Kennedy wasn't going to speak further.
"I ran inside and screamed for my parents. I was crying. Hysterical. Screaming for them to call the police because a bad man grabbed Brendan. My dad wasted no time and drove down to the park. My mom called the police."
***
With the police on the way, Mary tried to get her son calmed so he would be able to properly relay what happened to his brother. Just as she got him a bit calmer, Martin Jensen walked in the front door. Alone.
"No, Daddy!" He screamed. "You have to find him. You have to!" Kennedy wailed and fell to the floor, having no longer the strength to hold him up.
***
"When the police got to the house, I told them what happened as best I could. But I never saw his face. So, I couldn't really tell them much." He wiped his eyes and took a deep breath, slowly letting it out.
Fox stayed quiet, running his fingers through Kennedy's hair, doing everything he could to keep him calm while he told this story. He placed soft kisses along his temple and listened with great alicrity.
"There were search parties. There were cops out in force. Searching for him. Searching for anyone that could possibly fit what vague description I gave. They interviewed everyone over fourteen in the area. They brought in other departments around the state. There was nothing. For two months there was nothing."
Fox felt him shudder in his arms. "It was just a couple days after he went missing that everything changed. They changed. I just...didn't exist anymore. If I called them, they ignored me. Even if they were walking right past me and I called their names...it was like I wasn't there. They stopped cooking...if they ate, they ate out. They didn't buy food anymore...they didn't buy me clothes or shoes anymore...I realized pretty quickly they didn't love me anymore."
"Two months after he went missing, I was walking through the park. I went there every day looking for him. I didn't know what else to do..."
***
He walked through the park with tears rolling down his face as he remembered that fateful day. Sitting on the swings he imagined Brendan's hands in his back, pushing him higher and higher as their laughter mixed together.
His toes dragged the dirt and as he looked up toward the treeline, where a small patch of woods sat on the outskirts of the park. There was something there, an object, lying just on the woods side of the grass line.
He stood, curious. "Brendan?" As he walked closer, the object became clearer. "Brendan!" He burst into a sprint, screaming his brother's name as he ran faster and faster.
Vaguely, he remembers the wind against his face as he ran, feeling the coolness from the treats against the air in his face.
***
"I fell on top of him. I knew he was dead...and I just screamed and screamed. The next thing I knew, there were hands grabbing me and pulling me of him. I fought so hard to get back to him. Then the cops and my parents were there and they took him away."
Kennedy once more tightened his grip around Fox's arm.
"A couple of days later, I overheard the cops telling my mom and dad what was done to him." A sob ripped from his core, a scream bubbling up that was unlike anything Fox had ever heard.
"They tortured him, Fox. They raped him. They cut him. Burned him. They put him through as much pain as they could before they killed him and dumped him like he was garbage." Fox held onto him as he cried into his shoulder.
"They didn't want me anymore, Fox. They didn't want me anymore. A few days after the funeral they dropped me off at social services door at five a.m. They brought me inside the building, signed away their rights to me and left. I never saw them again." He breathed heavily and fast as the panic attack hit.
"Kennedy, hey, you need to breathe." Fox turned him around to face him and Kennedy latched himself to Fox. "Sh. Sh. Deep breaths." Taking his hand, he put Kennedy's hand on his chest and breathed deeply and continued to talk him down from this attack. "There ya go. Easy now."
Neither of them spoke again for a long time after Kennedy finally calmed down. "Hey." Fox glided his fingers through Kennedy's hair and his eyes slid open.
"Hmm?"
"It's been a long day. Let's go to bed, alright. Come on," Fox patted his back and they stood from the couch and made their way into the bedroom.
"Would anyone like to start us off today?" McKayla said as the group settled into their chairs and quieted down as the meeting was called to begin.
Fox raised his hand and stood, his eyes searching out Kennedy and finding them. Over the past week they had spent much time together and Fox used Kennedy's strength to get him through this moment.
"I said before that my twin brother was killed in a school shooting. The student wasn't someone either of us knew, but from what I was told later, he was viciously bullied by a few kids.
"He brought in a gun...a .45 that he'd taken from his father's room. River and I were standing at our lockers between classes when the shooting started." His voice waivered, the emotion getting the better of him.
He tried again. "Everything happened so fast...I ran and...I thought River was behind me. I ran into the girl's bathroom and hid with a group of kids in there. When I realized he wasn't with me, I tried to go back out, but they held me down. After everything went quiet we all ventured out. The kids that bullied him...there were three...River, and the boy himself were all casualties that day." He looked around the group and blinked, but no one seemed to notice his tears.
"I found him in the hallway, but it was already too late by then. I keep...I walk down that hallway every day of my life now...and I don't know how to escape it." He wrapped his arms around himself as a sob bubbled to the surface and before he knew it,. Kennedy's arms were wrapping around him.