Fox sat in his usual seat in the meeting room, watching the door with gathering worry. The meeting had started ten minutes ago, and still there was no sign of Kennedy. In the two months that he had been coming to these meetings, Kennedy had never missed one. The fact that he wasn't here now made Fox's stomach twist in a rush of anxiety.
He listened to Martha speak of her daughter, who had died of cancer two years ago, with half an ear. He was beginning to become a bit more at ease here. He wasn't quite up to speaking yet, but he felt like he was working his way up to it.
As the meeting progressed, Fox continued texting Kennedy, his worry increasing as each one went unanswered.
At the conclusion of tonight's meeting, Fox approached the director hoping she had some knowledge on why Kennedy wasn't there. "McKayla?"
She smiled at him. "Yes, honey?"
"Well, I was just wondering if you knew maybe why Kennedy wasn't here tonight?"
Her smile fell slightly and she sighed. "He never comes on this night. I was hoping that he might call you tonight when I made you two each other's sponsors."
Fox frowned. "What is tonight?"
She looked at him a moment as if contemplating whether or not to tell him. "It's the anniversary of when they found his brother. If you can get a hold of him tonight...well...it's always a bad night for him."
The worry he had been fighting all night increased at her words. "Thank you." He turned and left the building.
When he got home, he upgraded from texts to phone calls.
Kennedy felt his phone vibrate once more in his pocket. It had been going off relentlessly now for hours. He took another swallow of the bottle in his hands as the rain pelted down against his skin, hard and cold. His phone rang again and this time he answered it.
Fox listened with baited breath as the line connected. The hello he received was devastating. "Kennedy? Where are you?"
"Where I belong." Was his only reply. For some reason he didn't know, this response scared him to his core, sending goosebumps over his skin.
"Kennedy, please tell me where you are." He heard the thunder echo on the phone and knew he was outside in this storm. Furthermore, he could tell by the slurring of his speech that he was three sheets to the wind.
When he hung up the phone he approached his parents who were watching a bit of television before the retired for the night. "Mom. Dad. I need to borrow the car. Please. It's important."
Jakob Crow muted the t.v. and looked at his son. "What's going on?"
"My friend Kennedy from grief counseling...he needs me... we're each other's sponsors and...tonight is a bad night for him. I need to go pick him up. Please."
His mother looked at him. "Take my car. And be careful. I'll have your dad take me to work in the morning if you can take your brother to baseball practice tomorrow afternoon."
"Thanks, Mom." He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "I love you." And then he was gone.
"Come on. Come on," Fox impatiently bitched at the stop light. On one hand he was glad for the rain, if only because it meant there were less people out. On the other, the relentless sheets of rain that battered his windshield slowed him down.
Twenty minutes after he left the house he arrived at the destination Kennedy had led him to. He parked next to Kennedy's truck and, leaving his car running, went over to the gravestone Kennedy was hunched over.
Kennedy startled when Fox's hand came in contact with his back. The storm had died down enough that he didn't have to tell over the noise. "Kennedy? Come on, let's go. Let's get you home before you get sick."
Kennedy shook his head in denial. "I belong here. I belong here."
"No, you don't. Come on." Kennedy gathered himself to his feet, his head low and out of Fox's vision as much as humanly possible without putting a bag over his head. Fox took his hand gently in his own and smiled when Kennedy met his eyes.
They drove in silence back to Kennedy's house. Kennedy stared out the window, not seeing the scenery passing. Not seeing anything but the visions playing behind his eyes.
Once inside, Fox directed the other man to his room and gathered dry clothes for each of them before taking Kennedy unresisting into the bathroom. He turned on the shower, making the water a soothing kind of warm. "Come on, get in and get warm. I borrowed some dry clothes from you. Hope you don't mind." He smiled gently and turned toward the door, but Kennedy caught his arm before he could leave.
The look in his eyes made Fox's breath catch. His green eyes were dark with pain, turning them a stormy gray. "Stay." The request was softly made. He drew his eyes upward to meet Fox's gaze. "Please."
Fox nodded and slowly they began to undress before stepping under the spray. Kennedy watched as Fox approached him, their eyes never leaving the other's. "Kiss me," Kennedy begged. "Make me feel...something."
And Fox did. He didn't hesitate to touch their lips together. A soft brush of lips became more exploratory and hands began roaming exposed skin. Fox moaned low as Kennedy's fingers brushed against his hardening flesh, and Kennedy responded by grasping him entirely. Fox pushed himself further into his hand, biting Kennedy's bottom lip. "Fuck. mmm. God, fuck, Kennedy." Fox captured his lips again and he drew his hand down to grasp Kennedy.
Kennedy gasped and loaned deeply in his chest. The sound went straight to Fox's balls and he felt them rise upward in lust-filled want. "Fox. Oh, fuck. mmmm, stop. Stop. I don't wanna come like this. I don't want to come before you. I want to taste you. I want you inside me. I want inside you."
Fox moaned at both his words and the sudden absence of his body and hands as he let go and shut off the water. They were quiet as they dried the water droplets from their bodies, staring into each other's eyes, speaking volumes through their gazes; words not needed.
They fell into bed together, their lips and limbs tangled together, entwining them both to the other as they touched, tasted, and explored. Kennedy pushed Fox onto his back, nipping and biting his way down to one nipple, biting and sucking on the hardened nub. Fox yelped in pleasure, his back arching up as electricity spread through his extremities, writhing as Kennedy kissed and nipped further down.
"Fuck!" Fox yelled as Kennedy swallowed him in one go, his moaning increasing as Kennedy added a calloused hand to the mix, sliding it up and down his length. The beautiful noises Fox was making egged Kennedy onward, his mouth sliding further down. "Fuck. Fuck. Oh, fuck,"
Kennedy smiled at the noises he was eliciting from Fox and once he was well lubricated from the lube he had grabbed earlier, breached Fox with one digit. Fox's gutteral sound was one of pain and pleasure. Filled with the want and need of someone who had denied themselves so long. "Fuck, Kennedy, please. I need you inside me."
Without breaking his rythem while pumping his fingers in and out of Fox, rolled the condom onto him before lowering himself over Fox. He kissed him as he lined up against Fox's entrance and slowly pushed inside.
Their moans of pleasure filled the room as Kennedy moved within Fox. Feeling him. Learning him. His body. They moved as one in perfect synchrony, as if this was something they'd been doing for a lifetime.
When they came they came hard and together, their climaxes building and exploding in a haze of rippling pleasure and blinding, white light. Fox kissed Kennedy as they came down from their endorphin high and smiled a sleepy smile. "Stay?"
"Wild horses, Kennedy. Wild horses." Kennedy smiled and, pulling himself to wrap around Fox, asleep shortly after.
Fox lay awake for some time after Kennedy drifted off. He enjoyed the feeling of him in his arms. Of feeling the warmth from his body. His last thought before falling asleep was his hope that Kennedy didn't regret what they'd done tonight when they woke up. And with that thought, slipped into sleep.
When Kennedy woke next he was wrapped still within Fox's hold and for a moment allowed himself to feel. He closed his eyes as he felt his heart constrict. As he looked at Fox's sleeping form, how his long lashes touched his cheeks, he knew that he could easily fall in love with him. But he knew just as well that it couldn't happen.
With his head pounding from a raging hangover, Kennedy slipped out from the bed and stumbled his way into the kitchen. "Fuck, did that really happen last night?" He rubbed his temples and set to making a fresh pot of coffee. He cradled his aching head in his hands as he waited for the pot to fill.
He startled slightly when he felt hands land softly on his shoulders, but moaned softly as those hands began to massage. His hands dropped to the counter where he sat on a bar stool, his head lolling forward as he felt his muscles begin to loosen. He winced as Fox hit a particularly sore spot and groaned as he worked it out.
When Fox finished, he wrapped his arms around Kennedy, flushing his chest to Kennedy's back, and kissing the skin at the nape of his neck. "How's the hangover?" Fox asked quietly. He was a bit nervous about how this morning was going to play out, but hoped he was staying cool enough that Kennedy didn't notice.
"God, please don't remind me." Fox grinned and ran his fingers through Kennedy's hair, massaging his scalp as he did. "Mmm, you're gonna put me back to sleep if you keep doing that." Kennedy smiled as he spoke and he felt Fox's chuckle against his back.
"You're coffee is done."
Kennedy felt him move away and immediately missed the contact. "You expect me to move after you turned me into goo?"
Fox laughed then, not able to resist running his hand through Kennedy's thick locks once more. "Tell me how you like your coffee and I'll pour it for you."
"Just three scoops of sugar and coffee." He smiled sleepily. "Thanks you."
"Sure."
Kennedy watched him as he went about making the cup of coffee for him. There was something in the way he said 'sure' that struck something deeply within him. There was heartache present there, candy-coated in the softly spoken word. Almost as if he knew as well that this could never work.
Fox placed the coffee down in front of him. "Drink up." There was a pause before Fox said, "Listen...I don't think you should be alone today. So, um... I'm not leaving you alone today." There was a set determination in his expression that made Kennedy want to smile. "At three I have to take my little brother to baseball practice. We can pick up lunch there. They have concessions and shit at the field."
Kennedy nodded. "That sounds good. I...think I'd like that."
Fox smiled and it was a sight to behold. "Good."
At two-thirty the two of them pulled up to Fox's house with enough time for Fox to change clothes and get to the field with his brother. "You wanna come in?" Fox asked as he shut off the car, noticing the look of apprehension on his face. "No one's home but my brother. I know that a lot of new people at once can be overwhelming. But it's just Morgan here."
Kennedy nodded. "Okay."
When they walked inside, Fox called out, "Morgan, you ready?"
A boy of about fourteen came in from what Kennedy presumed to be the kitchen eating a banana. "Yeah. Just gotta put on my cleats. Who's your friend?"
"Kennedy, this is my brother, Morgan. Morgan, Kennedy. Now that introductions are over with, I'll be right back. Let me change clothes. Put your shoes on." He looked to Kennedy and grinned. "I'll be right back."
Morgan nodded but didn't say anything and watched him run upstairs. "You can come sit down if you want to," Morgan told him as he walked into the living room to put on his shoes and waited for Fox to return. Morgan studied Kennedy without trying to be obvious. Kennedy noticed but didn't comment. There was a note of sadness about the boy as he watched the stairs for Fox. A look of almost longing for something that used to be. Something, or perhaps someone, that he terribly missed.
"Let's go," Fox said as he came down the stairs. Morgan sighed and stood, his head hanging the slightest bit at the biting undertone in Fox's voice.
"Fox, did Mom tell you that in my last game, I hit a walk-off home run?" Kennedy grinned at the boy's enthusiasm, but his heart went out to him as he heard the anxiety in his voice as well. That child's way of hoping he'll get the attention he so desperately craved from his older brother.
Fox smiled at the boy from his rearview mirror. Kennedy saw that it was genuine as was the pride in his voice when he said, "No, she didn't. That's fucking awesome, man. Gimme some skin!"
Morgan laughed, his face lighting up as he slid his palm across his brother's. "Thanks! My team lifted me up on their shoulders and everything."
Fox laughed with the boy and Kennedy found that he rather enjoyed the sound. "That's so awesome, bro. I'm proud of you, man. Not too long and you'll be getting scouted!"
Morgan's face lit up at this, his smile even wider that before, which, quite frankly, Kennedy didn't think could physically happen. "You really think so?"
"Fuck yeah, I do. You just watch."
Morgan laughed, pride obvious on his face at his big brother's compliments. "Can you come to my next game, Fox? Please?"
Fox glanced back at him, "We'll see, okay."
Morgan deflated instantly. "Okay."
When Kennedy and Fox are seated in the bleachers, Kennedy looked to his right at Fox. "He really loves you, you know."
Fox looked at him before looking to his brother. "Yeah. I know." He sighed. "Everything is different now. I'm... different now."
"Can I give you some unsolicited advice?" Fox looked at him and Kennedy continued. "Be his brother. Be the best big brother you can be. Be there while he still wants you there. Be the brother I imagine you were before everything changed. If only for him. He misses you. You can see it written all over his face."
Fox didn't comment, his eyes never leaving Morgan as he stepped up to the batting cages. He was silent for several minutes before he said, "I'm gonna go to the bathroom and grab lunch. Hotdog or cheeseburger?"
Kennedy wanted to pull him into his chest at the look on his face, hugging him until he no longer wore it. "Cheeseburger. No mustard. Ketchup. Extra pickles."
He nodded. "Coming up. Drink?"
"Coke?"
"Okay. Be back in a few." He smiled gently before standing. Kennedy watched him go.
"He talks to you."
"Huh?" Kennedy turned toward where voice was directed.
"My brother. He talks to you." Morgan glanced in the direction Fox had walked off in. "He doesn't talk to me anymore. Most of the time, if he sees me at all, he's growling at me. But he doesn't do that with you."
"Maybe he just know you won't resent him for it."
Morgan looked at him. "But I do. I miss River. But I miss Fox more. Because he's right there...and yet...he isn't. I lost both my brother's that day." Morgan schooled his features as the object of their conversation came back loaded with lunch. Kennedy took some of the load lest Fox drop it. He smiled his thanks and looked at his brother and frowned.
"Hey, you alright?" He asked looping his arm around his shoulder.
"I'm fine." Morgan stepped out from under his brother's arm. "Is some of that for me?"
Fox's frown deepened at this perceived rejection. A deep sadness filling him. "Yeah. I, uh, I got you your favorite."
Morgan half-smiled. "Thank you." He took his food and drink gently from his brothers hands and with a last look at Fox's face, turned back toward the dugout.
"I'll drive you to pick up your car after we drop off Morgan back home. And after I pack a bag for a couple days, because I'm still not convinced you should be alone."
Kennedy looked at him and even as he agreed to this, he wondered if that was the whole reason. Warning alarms began going off in his head that he tried to ignore. The connection that he was feeling to Fox was deep and terrifying.
He'd been on his own for so long, resorting to one-night stands for pleasure and never letting himself get too close to anyone. He wondered if now was a good time to start.