I stuffed my hands in my pockets. I tried to resist the temptation. I had to hang on, and find a reason to divert my attention. I was trying to understand... How could I make it go away? Millions of images passed before my eyes. There were hundreds of ways to do it. The easiest one - which I had almost forgotten – would renew my strength with the very pulse of life. All these images were only reasons for continuing, not to dwell on the why, to bow to the necessity. I rubbed my face with my hands.
I must pull myself together.
Then I smoothed my hair, pulling it back, sticking it to my scalp, repeating the gesture... Time went by... Unconsciously, I moved away...
"Are you planning to say what you wanted to do?"
"Tyrone—" I exclaimed with happiness in my voice. Incredibly, there still was a glimmer of hope! I almost thought he had specifically chosen this moment to make his appearance.
"You look as if you have been having a good time—" he continued, casually.
"It was fun, until I—" I turned to watch him: his arms were crossed over his chest, his eyes accusing me. My teeth were chattering, but he understood what I was saying.
"They arrived—"
"I'm here, right?"
I winced. He always had this arrogant attitude! Hmm! He would never change!
"Why this delay? How can they call it a rescue?" I said in a skeptical tone.
He growled and stared at me. "They were not ready for an event like this. I insisted that they come immediately with the equipment they had on hand—"
"But it shall take hours to get them all out of here. One night in this hell will cause them trauma for life," I accused him, outraged.
"Stop screaming, it's not worth it. They know you're here, they all rely on you," he said, staring at me.
"It's really stupid, you know." I spat the words out. I wanted to have a real leader in front of me, someone who thought like a leader, but not one which could jeopardize everything. I should have jumped at his throat.
"Your friends do it well, the work." he exhaled loudly and I felt a slight reproach in his voice.
"They are soldiers and they are sturdy."
What was he up to? Why this change of attitude? Why this difference from the way he was before? Was it only my impression? Was it me? Or did the situation have me hallucinating?
"They are especially well trained," he said. "The rescuers also..."
"In a pool, they may get by." I said. "Tyrone it's the rainy season. Did they not realize this, or what?"
I was staring at him, and he was eyeing me, frowning and half closing his eyes.
"No," he admitted. He nodded his head and pursed his lips, keeping his arms crossed over his chest.
"Stupid! This is stupid..." I repeated.
"Yeah," he confessed with a sigh. He stared at my hands hidden in the pockets of my trousers, and, under the intensity of his gaze, I shoved them in deeper. He scrutinized my face, scanned my facial features. He was trying to decipher the nature of my turmoil. He wrinkled his nose and tightened his shoulders.
"And what are you doing here? When did you get here? Another stupid mission? I thought you would have permission for a longer period of leave, after you almost died like a bird with your feathers into the snow." I wanted to joke about the mission when we met. A mission that finally had a happy ending.
It was almost dark in the jungle and I was, for the first time in over a decade, tired. The shadows around us, as well as the forest, were changing.
"Well, you're awake. It's always you," he said laughing grotesquely, bursting the silence and shocking me.
"Stop it," I moaned. "Enough."
"So I'll tell you..."
I did not want him to even talk to me and I closed my eyes.
"After." I said, and I turned away from him.
I heard someone approaching our position - four soldiers from my company. Their march through the trees was barely audible. They were tracking my footsteps in the high vegetation. They stopped from time to time to find clues. I pricked up my ears when one of them stopped. He seemed discouraged.
"Colonel?" asked a deep and known voice.
"Go forward ten yards, Thomas. Straight!"
They advanced rapidly in our direction. All at once, the space behind me was filled with soldiers. I looked up. My eyes were full of anger which Tyrone had put there. Suddenly, I felt protected by their approach. The impassive face of Victor appeared first, and then his friends took their places at his right. Their faces went from me to Tyrone.
I stared at Tyrone, annoyed.
"Help has arrived, but they are only half ready!" said Victor, looking at Tyrone. "The missile patrol, which was dispatched by the National Airport General Director to assist the wounded, is scheduled to arrive shortly. We checked each name on the passenger list, and not everyone has been found yet. There are still two missing! The crew is also seriously wounded, especially the pilot and copilot. They will leave with the first helicopter. The Rescue Commander wants to talk to you, sir."
"Alright. See you later, Corporal. Tyrone! Let's go." I ordered, and we moved off to the left.
A small path led toward the clearing. I had taken this path on arrival but the others had not found it. We quickly climbed the steep path behind us and the forest returned to tranquility. No one passed me. In my peripheral vision I saw Victor and the three other soldiers. As I watched them untangle the vines, they seemed to blend into the landscape. They were one with the environment. Hmm! I did a good job!
I cast a furtive glance at Tyrone; he walked behind me, and he also seemed to be one with the forest. He looked even more annoyed, more restrained, than during our conversation, or even the last time we had seen each other. It was disturbing.
We reached the survival area, which was a little lower than where I had ventured before. We swept an area of 250 square miles on the ocean side. A surveillance aircraft was flying over the disaster area and another one circled above the target. The emergency medical tents were surrounded by a barrier separating them from the common area. Men in white ran in all directions and the noise of helicopters (Panther and Puma) was overwhelming. Rain dripped from their hair and their uniforms were soaked but they did not seem to notice. Rain also fell along the large leaves of the trees, while the sun was struggling to break through the clouds. It was already getting too late! Too late for the wounded in the middle of the jungle in the rainy season. Too late for me if things did not change.
I must get away, and fast...
I wanted to continue on, but I heard voices complaining. I knew who was there. And that's why I had to get away...
Why can't I hurry on?
I turned my head. A group of six women surrounded a small gray spot. The soldiers were all stopped, just like me. It was at that moment that I realized that the little girl, under her pile of blankets, was shaking uncontrollably. I felt helpless because I could do nothing for her.
"Is she ok?" I asked Thomas in a hesitant voice. No one answered. There was something wrong. "Thomas?" I moaned, but no one answered. I touched her forehead, it was cold. At my contact, her tremors ceased. I felt the coldness of her skin pierce mine, like the bite of ice. "We must warm her while she is sleeping," I whispered.
"No, Sir." Thomas's voice seemed far away, and one of the soldiers came closer.
He took my arm to get me away from there. I tore myself from his embrace with such strength that I heard him groan. My instinct told me something was wrong...
"Thomas? Where are the rescuers?"
"Colonel, the emergency team has been warned."
I looked at him while I held my palm closer to the girl's face.
"So? She is not important enough to be saved, is that it?"
"No, that's not it. They cannot do anything. Apparently there is a problem with her blood type and we can't give her a transfusion."