The worst thing that I never wanted to encounter was now happening to me. I became friends with people from my class and around the school, with different offers to join different activities but the least I wanted to do was involve myself with many people. That I show I felt at first , but it became impossible because I realized I had many people already involved with me. I was always afraid because I was not perfect in what I was given to do aside from my studies . I tried to associate with them , do what they want so as to meet their expectations which differently was reading me to being the other person not myself. I knew deep inside me i did not want to do it but on the surface i was afraid, i wanted to do the best, i wanted to meet their hopes, and slowly i forgot myself and started to become submissive to others. I always wonder what it would have been doing what i wanted to do , but back then i had no courage because i was already controlled and wanted to be what other people expected me to be. I did it in silence and i made friends through it but the most tiresome friendship that haunts me to this time was the friends i made back then who many I still do not have. The person that can say i ever come across to being my friend was the girl i sat with. She liked to tell people stories in other words she talked a lot which on my side i really liked to speak less but sometimes i would talk also. To be able to make her feel comfortable besides i tried to talk and respond to her as quick as i could , i helped her with her activities but also i was helped in return i was not the only person to give. But regardless all that with how i used to be i felt like being pressured , i did things but back on my bed i would regret why i did that why am i helping her, why did i greet these people and curse everything that i was doing at the moment. I never thought that sometimes always giving can make people leave you easily. She was an easy going girl very talented and she was singer. She started to attend practices and with time she was admitted by the school band , she really knew how to easily make friends and make them feel at home and because of that she got many friends and she became famous. When things sound loud i always assume one day they will burst and you may be under it and it destroys you i believed in that. I started to create my distance , but many people had seen us together so it was difficult to denie the fact that we were friends. But everything changed when we had to take new seats i wanted to sit with her but she already had many to choose which i gave up and i found another person to sit with. We grew apart like that and we started to talk less and it decreased to cease. I sometimes also wanted someone to be friends with but my fear would always bit my beating heart longing for something. About myself, when am a friend to someone where other people find it difficult to approach new people i am always the person who will make the first move and talk to you ask many questions and i make it seem easy and you also find it easy to be my friends, but that is not easy for sure . By time it becomes cold and you wonder if i have ever been that close person to you. The only reason to that was because in any relationship am the kind of person to put a lot of effort, knowing am a very lacking person , i never want to show my side to people especially people close to me, therefore by time i find it exhausting and i choose to take my distance from you and even if you ask me what happened i never get any reason which really annoys many people , it was in that way that i always avoided to make people get involved with me. I enjoy my own company, like to sit a lot in the movie theater, i prefer my headphones over a speaker, i prefer sleeping all day and spend my night all wake because i fear meeting and knowing new people. But even if i was like that , at college i had to experience my fear by meeting and involving and doing what other people thought were the best with me putting in all i have in order to stop people from knowing who i really am. It cam to the moment that i no longer had to hid because i had to do it. I had leadership skills that i was chosen to be the college's spoke leader, i had to meet and to maintain my relationship with a lot of people but it was really fine since they were far from me not people that are close to me. Daniella became my friend because we used the same dorm and attended same classes since we had to meet a lot, we became friends and walked together all time. She was a little slim girl, hardworking girl, she always wanted to do the best which made her work harder that i remember that whenever she failed any test sometimes she would burst into tears, she heard really a soft heart which was a part that made me afraid because she was easily hurt even little things. I remember her telling me about the boy she had a crush on from the different faculty but she was always unsure whether to even greet him thinking he hates her which always made her teary the times she came across him. Daniella was a soft person but also a very good friend i ever had with all my insecure sometimes i would see she noticed but i would not ask anything to her, she was very understanding that made me sometimes want to know and tell her more about myself. And we became friends every long time she helped me with my college activities and I became her studying buddy that always would study with her. She sat with another girl who was also her friend she was also a cool wise beautiful girl she was always the top of our class . Me and Daniella sometimes like how all friends quarrel we urged even a lot and it passed, but there is always the word that hurt me and it became hard to forget, every time we urged or disagree on something she would say if i was like her seatmate I would never do it, she would always tell me why cant i be like her seatmate because she never did something that can hurt her. I would always smile but I never forgot that I really never wanted to make my fears come true but it never stopped because it haunted me, I reduced number of time that I talked met her and I really changed which made her say one word 'Being your friend is the most tiring thing I can say happened to me', making my fears come true. Moving from people who saw me different than how expected them to see me like made me weak. I was able to put everything down that sometimes always had to forget what i wanted to make others feel comforted around me , but i see that you want me to change despite all my effort i start to create my distance which was really not good to many people as they told me that. I remember the one day it rained and i was near the person who gad no sweater but seemed to be colder that me i rent her mine but that day i was having a bad day. Daniella approached me and started joking asking how i gave my sweater but i was immersed in my thoughts an i paid no attention to her which mad her really unhappy and she went . We fought a lot but i held in because she the kind of a person to really get hurt easily and because of that i would always say its my fault and if somethings that is burdening i would go cry all alone at night and wake up when am new fresh. I met many people but everyone had to play different role and with that Daniella seemed to be the only person who new little about my personal life and she would always share with me her personal life too. Once i asked her why she cries a lot even when we are teasing her. Daniella grew in the family of her mother and her elder sister with different fathers. Her sister's daddy remarried and left the kid with the mother who struggled to get another husband to be able to raise the kid and after Daniella's father gave birth to her also remarried which made her mother traumatized that sometimes she would leave the kids behind and go and come back after some days when the kids have struggled. Her elder sister's daddy came to take her and Daniella was left alone with her mother that she really tried to live with her, and whenever she remembers her mother and something happens to her she burst into tears because she afraid. I really did not think we would be friends but i tried but she also tried and we managed to stay close that we even became closer.
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