Four walls in and out, peeling red paint, and a musty smell that's been brewing for decades. That's what my living situation has become. One from the outside looking in would see me as homeless; something I never would have imagined, if it weren't for my failures of dealing with my problems. Despite all of that, I am home free. Free from the worry and stress that my sister's disappearance has caused not only me, but my parents who are in denial. If only my parents could see me now, living in a random dilapidated shed on a vacant property, they would be so proud.
Enough about my parents. Today I have bigger problems and they need to be addressed head on. Literally. I'm not sure how it happened, but I have an infestation of lice, setting up base camp on my head. Fuck me! Maybe I should shave my head. I set my eyes on the electric shears tucked away in this cluttered mess and think better of it. I love my long, curly blonde hair. I guess my new found friends will have to stay with me longer than anticipated, but snag the shears and put them in my pack just in case.
I open the shed and squint from the blinding desert sunlight. I have ten bucks that I bummed off someone, but I'm starving, so stomach one lice zero. As I walk past this Arizona ghost town to go to a fast food place, I spot a rusty blue pickup truck in the distance. I thought I was the only one around for miles. Either my stomach has gone haywire from the lack of food, or it's telling me this truck is bad news. At least there are only about 2 more miles before I get some food.
While I walk, I can't stop my trailing thoughts from drifting to my little sister. Solia. God I miss her. She was the flames to my fire; without her the fire in me has dwindled to a dull spark. Maybe one day I can find my way home and reawaken the fire that once burned for miles, but I have to find out what happened to her. My gut tells me she is somewhere in this vast, desolate desert. Am I certain? No, but there is no uncertainty in whether or not she's alive. She's dead. That's why I need to be alone. For now, anyway.
I see a Stop in Store and hesitate in embarrassment. My appearance in the window leaves nothing to be desired. My face is filthy, my clothes are tattered and stained, and lice isn't my hair's only problem. I need to brush it. Fuck it. Let's do this. I take a deep breath and walk past a group of kids around my sister's age, or what she would be if she were still alive. They are about 18 or so and look clean, something I haven't been in a long time. They cringe as I walk by, but otherwise don't say anything. Good thing too, being homeless has gotten me into many tussles and I am not in the mood to hurt people. Not today. Who knows, maybe tomorrow.
I smell hot dogs and the aroma is amazing, so that's what I buy, along with chips, a jug of water and beef jerky. When I walk up to the register a nicely dressed woman in her 40's makes a gagging noise as I walk by. Bitch! People can be cruel. I guess I don't blame them. I would have reacted the same way before this nightmare of living in seclusion. I bite into my hot dog and close my eyes. Eating this is like a blast from the past. My sister and I would always get hot dogs at the movies.
I snap out of my daydream to pay without making eye contact. I can feel the cashier staring at me. I turn beet red and leave the Stop in Store. I devour my hot dog and some of the chips to get much needed energy for the hot trip back to the shed.