"I can't stay and I don't want to give a reason".
The sudden angry words my brother uttered panged through my heart, unsettling me before resting somewhere in the pit of my stomach.
I..... I stammered trying to find the words to say to him but coming up short. Nevermind the look on his face seemed like it was his final decision, I still wanted to console him and tell him I understood because despite how he may had taken it as he stood in the entryway waiting for my response. I wanted to help.
" I thought as much" He scoffed unbelievably at me before running up the stairs to his room and because I couldn't experience defeat I was helpless and useless to him.
Exhaling loudly, my stare lingered around the passage where he'd disappeared to before wariness started settling in and then anger.
Running a hand through my hair, I placed it on my hip trying to rein in the sudden urge to storm into his room and demand he stopped putting me at a difficult point where I had to compromise with him.
The urge lingered untill I was one foot up the stairs and a loud crash following a yell came from his room. Another foot and a louder crash. He was pissed and walking up the stairs to confront him would only put me at the farfront of his brute
Turning around sobered, I walked back into the dining room and stared at the finished puzzle laying on the glass Table. it was a beautiful picture of an oat tree with swarms of insects coming towards it Aibiet the only beautiful thing this space has seen and with over a thousand pieces, I'd completed it without losing sleep, it seemed such a shame to give it away but I knew I couldn't keep it where it wouldn't be appreciated.
Glancing at the puzzle one last time, I strode into the kitchen, my eyes brushing past the three covered plates of food with a name tape plastered on it. Ignoring it, I filled a cup of water from the tap, drained it and laid my head on the cool countertop.
The food had been in here since yesterday was a low grade from my mother when she felt bad about something, no one appreciated it or wanted it, not even my brother who was rarely around.
Thinking again keelan again, I looked past the dining table and contemplated going up to check if he was still in or maybe he had slipped past when I was still putting together the puzzle. As much as he wanted to be fine, he wasn't, he was suffering inside.
I raised my head from the countertop, preparing to clear out the dining table when two sets of feet rushed down the stairs and came rushing into the kitchen. it was my younger sister Sarah looking freightened.
"Please let her win this round" She begged, grabbing my hand tightly within her two palms. "Just for today".
I flushed immediately flooded with guilt. This was it, I knew I shouldn't have asked her not to go in when I knew it'd always boil down to this. There was so much I could say to it before she started begging erratically.
It was rarely an occasion she pleaded because she often found solace in solitude and ignoring everything.
Nodding, I smiled tightly at her willing myself not to feel reproach or anger. it wasn't a matter of life or death but despite everything, my entire life was surrounded around the moments after this.
Where I'd feel small, threatened, discocumbulated.
The front door beeped open and Sarah cast her eyes up in shock, it was plastered all over her demeanor, she was scared. Before our mother Mrs Abigail Milt Airs could make her way to the through the front passage, sarah pleaded one last time before running back upstairs.
"A useless animal, that's what she is" The same usual screech pierced the air, heels clanging against the hardwood floor as she made her way towards the stairs.
If I were normal, I wouldn't feel the need to stand outside the kitchen entryway watching until my mother's gaze fell on me, holding me in place.
"What are you doing there?" She asked ending her phone call and glaring at me. "Isn't your father home yet"
"No". I mumbled looking at her, then past her ahead to a picture captivating my mind. it was a piece of puzzle shaped like a paper, Like a two paged paper. it was my work, my first framed work and it was only kept in the house because my parents thought it belonged to Sarah. The person who had initially pushed me into doing something with her but then bailied the second I'd seemed into it.
My sister was a real piece of work.
"Ok". Abigail pursed moving closer " And why didn't you stop by the Mart today before you came home".
Home. Home. my attention suddenly riveted around that one word until I felt nails pressing into my cheeks. Home was this, it was her, nothing other than her.
"You fool" She yelled getting in my face and her nails dug deeper. "How many times do I have to yell in your face for it to stay in. And where the hell is Sarah".
Pulling back seemed like my only viable option since it seemed like she was pissed but then Sarah pleadings entered my thoughts please let her win. and I knew I had to help her out this time.
It would've probably felt good to yell back at her and threaten her to do the worst to me because there was more to be done to make me feel no empathy towards others. I needed to drown myself and not feel guilt pouring over me. I needed an out.
At school, some would say I was pathetic. I could be happy but most had referred to that as a broken happiness, my life was quaked because I swallowed a pill of adjustment every single second.
"We'll be there tomorrow" I spoke up, wincing at the pain her fingers were creating. it would take a while but we were getting there.
"Good for the both of you" She yelled before backing away and walking up the stairs. "And make to find your brother before the end of the week" she threw off before disappearing down the hall.
I backed into the wall, holding back for a minute before standing straight, anger pouring out of me in waves. Wilston Airs would've fought back but the choking feeling clawing up her throat made her retract and deflect to the perfectly laid out puzzle she'd done.
Walking up to it, one sweep of her hand and it was gone, dropping to the floor and scattering around the room and Into places she would never find.
*********
Walking into the department store with an apron in hand, Wilston wrapped it around her uniform shirt and tied it to her back. it was the same she used Everytime which she always collected from Mr Cuoats the security man outside the gate before she walked in.
A high rise building with the ground floor belonging to Airs departmental store. It was her mother's favourite place so it needed to be exquisite before she returned.
"Haven't you already paid for the uniform" George muttered wistly, walking in with a clipboard. "I'd say you already trippled it's rate"
I nodded clearing a new batch of sale offs into an open box. Being my mother's assistant, he was one of the few people who could say they understood me.
"I would believe it, if you ever wore anything other than your school uniform"
"it really is the cloth on my back" I snorted taping the box round before labelling it to a thrift shop nearby.
That was where all the sale offs went to and it was wisely owned by my mother, the queen bee in department stores.
George chuckled before scribbling into the clipboard and stepping around me. After labelling the last box, I took off the apron and hung it by the side of the door. The security guard would find it and it would be handed off to me the next time I walked through those gates because that was a regular pattern in my life. one which had been decided for me before I was brought into this world.
Sarah never showed up and for that I was glad.