As soon as everything started falling into place and I realized my efforts getting results, one call at a disastrous night broke all of these at once and my sky turned black in a cruel way.
Molly called me at 2 in a black, dark, starless night and sobbed, "Raya, you know, his wife is back again in his life now, heard from NB's dad." This one line was enough to destroy my sleep of further days back then. She also said that his wife was staying at his house for wooing and convincing him to get back together again. From the middle of nowhere, his wife bumped into Mr Black again when I on the other side gave everything I had to him. What was the point of all of my love for NB for the whole 5 months? What about my dreams? My love? My songs written for him? Everything seemed to go in vain. What didn't I do for him? I left every single stone unturned and went through all the thick and thins when it came about us.
My point was that he couldn't just leave me up in the air, totally unresolved. He had to come up with a decision. But you know what, I couldn't either charge NB for any of these. Cause, I had no right over him. I was neither his wife nor his girlfriend. I couldn't even express my feelings to him properly, that was one of my biggest regrets. Molly was also devastated by this. But that was the last thing for me to take care of.
I know, 5 months doesn't mean anything. But I feel its deepness. I gave the whole 5 months of my life to NB. I took every breath in his name. I had been suffering from depression for the tragedy and the trauma he made me fall into. I fell in love with him in my imagination only knowing that he would come to me and be mine forever. But never really thought that he'd be the reason for my depression. No, it wasn't an obsession, an infatuation nor a crush of fascination. How could I tell him that he was my LOVE!
NB's wife first cheated on him and after a year she suddenly showed up in front of him claiming that she still loved him. So why in the world did they get divorced? Was it my misconception that I had thought he was single? Was it my fault to fall in love with him? My world shattered like pieces of glass.
That was the phase of time when I married my bed, drenched the pillows and there was no one to my smile. I used to be in a tired body with swollen eyes. Whenever I was asked by my mom about my condition, I had no words to give her the actual answer. I was in such a critical condition that I even attempted to commit suicide. I tried to push myself back again against the magnetic force of My Mr Man In Black. That was no less than fighting with the impossible. But I had no other option. Because I never wanted to be a home-wrecker. That was against my morals.
I stopped putting efforts into our so-called relationship and began giving a cold shoulder to NB. It was never my choice, he made me compelled. You never know what compulsion makes you do.
I went through many unpleasant events in my life. First, my family broke. Second, my dreams broke. Then, what could be even worse was that my heart was broken by someone whom I loved tons. That time, all I did was prayed for him to be happy and was hoping that to be the last straw.