It was one of those spring nights, a hint of sweetness in the air, cold breeze blowing at the exposed skin of my body and the silence is just a balance of defeating yet comfortable.

Perfect.

My kind of perfect.

It sets up my mood, giving me that certain high I always crave.

It would be a real treat to sit in the swing and look up at the stars, marvel at their beauty; a million miniature light bulbs lighting up the different shades of black, lose yourself in the sea of their twinkling, and let my memories take me back to those precious childhood memories I always revisit.

But there's nothing perfect about my situation.

I feel so alone.

Stuck in a place I've been staying for over two years now but still feels unknown.

It's been a long time since I was home to the warm embrace of my mother, craving the gentle yet strong voice of my father, and being smothered in kisses by my two favorite kids in the world, the daughters of my older and younger brother.

This is one of those nights that makes me want to just jump on a plane and leave everything behind; the career I've established, and the life I so desperately want to live.

This day totally sucks, I feel like my dignity was stomped on. I feel helpless– hopeless to some extent. I want to call my friend but I don't want to bother her, so I'm here, instead of sitting in the swing, I've been sitting at the ground, the cold, hard, uncomfortable ground, my elbows resting at the swing's seat, a can of alcohol in one hand.

I don't know how many minutes or hours I've been sitting there, sipping my drink, not caring for anything really.

I'm wearing the biggest hoodie I could find to make sure It can cover my face, still conscious to the fact that I should not have done what I am doing because it would be embarrassing to go to work the next day.

As the night deepens, I can feel the imaginary strings in my head that I've kept tight to stop my emotions from leaking out slowly loosens as empty cans alcohol pile up.

First, tears just keep flowing and a little whimper once in a while.

Then I begin sobbing, not caring if people might see me as weird.

But now, as the last can of alcohol emptied, I threw it as far away as I can, putting all my anger and frustrations in that throw and shouting at the top of my lungs the words I so badly want to say.

"MY LIFE SUCKS!!" putting so much force, hoping that it might make me feel better.

The can sailed far away, curving out of my sight.

I take note in my head that I should retrieve it later because throwing garbage everywhere goes opposite my beliefs. There may be alcohol in my system but it does not mean I can be a jerk like anyone else.

I've been waiting for the comforting thud of the can in the ground, instead I heard a soft ping* sound followed by a rather forceful "ouch" from someone.

OH MY GOD! I MAY HAVE HIT SOMEONE!! I'm panicking in my head.

I then stood up to go to the source of the voice but I was not prepared, I swayed and almost fell to the ground if not for the chains from the swing. I may be a bit drunk than I have expected.

Before I can regain my footing, I heard him. Walking in my direction, footsteps heavy and hurried, practically stomping his way to me.

I quickly looked up to him, which by the way is a bad thing because I feel like my surroundings rotate and I cling to the swing to support me, but not before seeing the person's very beautiful brow creased because of annoyance.

"Woah, easy there" he said, voice melodious and soft laced with authority.

He then helped me sit properly, getting back to my position earlier with my head now resting in the swing's seat.

He settles himself at my left, still holding the can that have hit him.

His stare was strange but I don't really care, I know he must be thinking what a crazy woman I am for being out in the playground late at night, drinking with herself and throwing garbage everywhere.

Those assumptions are true anyway.

He was just silently looking at me, and the longer it lasts the more bothered I am, so I spoke first.

"I'm sorry for throwing that can in your direction, I'm planning on picking it up later" I slowly said, voice cracking a bit.

I did not realize how parched my throat is from all the crying and shouting. It makes me want to cry again.

He did not reply, instead he continued to just sit there. And since I can't really see him from this distance, thanks to my very reliable eyesight, I was tapping on my side for my bag and retrieved my glasses.

He came in sharper focus, and a small gasp left my mouth at what I see.

I am having difficulty processing how handsome he is under the dim light of the lamp posts surrounding the playground.

His brows are still creased but his on a different level of handsomeness, I can tell even in my drunken state.

He has a beautiful eye shaped similar to a doe's, a very beautiful slim nose with a high nose-bridge and pointed tip and thin lips so red and smooth it made me conscious of how chapped mine is. To top it all up, he has a strong jaw and slightly pointed chin that made my heart race. Wtf am I thinking!? Gosh get a grip you don't even know him.

My eyes traveled down to his body, and I just realized that he was dressed lightly, with just a thin sweater that clung to his sweaty body, an oversized jogging pants and a very expensive pair of running shoes. He must be having a night jog when I hit him.

I looked up at his face when he cleared his throat. Feeling slightly embarrassed.

"You were crying" he straightforwardly said without any hesitation. Phrasing it like a statement rather than a question.

I just nodded and didn't say anything more, his words are like a salt in my wounds. Immediately I feel my eyes watering, so I pull the hood of my jacket lower to cover my face, feeling embarrassed that my tears are falling once more.

I easily get emotional since I was younger, I can still remember the time when my mom was hospitalized and I have to run errands for her; one of the nurses asked me if I had lunch already, I told her I haven't because I still have to buy my mom's meds while my tears fell from my eyes. I was stressed and sad because my mom was sick and the presence of someone comforting made me emotional.

That's how I felt when the stranger talked, he seems like that good Samaritan in the street offering his hand to help you cross because you are too afraid to do so.

He looks so warm and fuzzy in my eyes.

"Why?" his question is straightforward, tone not soft but not harsh either, it just sounds comforting.

My mind seems to be made of Styrofoam at this point, all of the things that frustrated me gushed out of my mouth, no filter, just words. I'm suspecting it is because of the presence of alcohol, but not entirely, I know my mouth has been itching to tell what I'm feeling to someone before I explode.

And at this point, his ears are the only one available.

"My life sucks" That's how I started it.

"I dedicated most of my life to being a responsible daughter and student that I really did not have any idea of fun except reading, making reviewers or studying. I did not entertain any ideas of relationships with the other gender because I was told that it would just be a distraction, not that many boys want to ask me out, no one was really interested. NO ONE." I said, emphasizing the last part, which is true, because I'm a bland person, I can't even hold a decent conversation, except if it was academic.

"I did not fucking study like a lunatic just to be called incompetent In front of my students and other board members and professors! I looked so small when she did that as if she had any background in education! Telling me how to teach, like she studied teaching pedagogy and had a doctorate degree like the rest of us! She is just a fucking outsider!" I scoffed at the memory, imagining how the director's wife humiliated me to nothingness.

"Of course, the other professors knew who's wrong but they cannot defend me because they fear that they will be treated like me. Uneducated and uncultured as she is, I can't fight back because she has the power and I don't. I know it was wrong of me to call her out, but I got really pissed when she just sashayed inside my lecture hall, heels clicking annoyingly, and talked loudly with the board members who are evaluating me, distracting my students from listening."

I was breathing hard from talking now, poring all my emotions in every word.

"And to complete my completely disastrous day, I received a call from my best friend that my boyfriend had been cheating on me with our other friend for months now! That totally put the cherry on top, does it?" hiccupping while I look up, and plastering a big grin on my face with my tears still flowing.

He is actually a good listener, just staying silent, not commenting on anything and just nodding when necessary.

"I can't believe this is happening to me" I said in a small voice.

"I've been building my career slowly over the years, I was feeling like me, independent and free, then he came, he's a high school friend you know, he told me that he liked me since and that he just found the courage to confess to me, and me being clueless, I accepted his feelings and tried my hardest to reciprocate. And yes, I fell for him."

"I know I have a lot of lapses; we barely even see each other over the course of our relationship, we are oceans away from each other and I cannot give him what he wanted." I said sighing deeply.

"Is it a sin for me wait until after getting married to give him what he wants? I mean I understand if he badly wants to have sex with me but can't he understand that I just can't. I don't want to" I huffed, getting angry now.

I'm not really minding the words that are getting out of my mouth now, I know the alcohol have undone the filter of my brain, making me say words that I would normally cringe at saying when sober.

"Is he that sexually deprived that he is looking for some release! Hasn't he heard of abstaining?? And to my friend for that matter! The audacity of them! They did not even respect me to the extent of doing it privately, they are blatantly showing it to everyone who has eyes! And those traitors! they call themselves my friends and they knew we had a relationship but they did not stop him or informed me! If Nieth (she's my very best friend) did not take a vacation at our hometown, I wouldn't know!" my anger is now getting in my head, making me want to smash things.

I was never the violent type but being screwed by different people in one day sure is making me want to resort to violence.

"He's a jerk"

I was startled when he talked. Looking up at him, I saw how deep he is looking at me. I feel drawn to him but I don't know why.

"You should rid yourself of him, it sounds like he's not healthy for you"

He was talking to me, His voice soft and clear I'm not really listening now, just looking at how his lips are moving, hypnotizing me with its movements. Instead of focusing on his words, my mind is wandering around, thinking about how soft must his lips be if touched.

It's a shameful thought for someone I know nothing of, but my addled brain cannot help it, especially that he looks so utterly devastating.

I know you must be thinking what a flirt I am and how I deserved to be cheated on because of my thoughts but if you are in my position, I am certain you would think the same way as me.

"Every woman deserves –"

"Can I kiss you?"

"– to be treated with respect" his voice faltering because of what I said. Head still resting on my arms at the swing's seat.

He kept on looking at me like I've grown an extra pair of eyes so I did what my brain told me to, I sat up straight and slowly leaned in to his face.

I then brushed my lips on his, just barely, but enough for me to know how soft it is and smelling his minty sweet scent like mint chocolate ice cream.

And that's how I got my first kiss.

But before I could get back to my original position, he pulled my head to his and put his lips on mine.

I was startled.

He started moving his lips on me, slowly like he is testing the water. I don't know what to do so I just let him and just stayed still like a statue ang gaping like a fish.

Slowly, I can feel the embarrassment of the situation, I often saw in the television people kissing but since I haven't done it before, I don't know how to respond.

Maybe I shouldn't have rashly acted, now I'm so embarrassed.

I was yanked out of my thoughts when he pulled away, and the only semi-rational thing running in my mind is to run away, so without thinking, I picked up my bag, stood up abruptly and fled the playground like my hair is on fire, not even minding the slight dizziness I felt.