Writing about one's feeling is the most hardest thing to do because feelings can't be describe through words and can't be touched through the sense of human touch. It is a sensation that no one can describe no matter how broad their vocabulary is.
Through the pass course of weeks, Mary learned about the devastated truth about her life, the truth she thought she won't be able to forget all her life.
... One Week Ago ...
Mary was having an argument with her mother that she wants to achieve something before getting married to some one. But her mother was not on the verge to listening to her, instead she was badmouthing about her own daughter in front of her, having tears in her eyes. She spoke "Do you have any idea how much your words hurt me day by day, how much I have started to hate you because of your behavior towards me ?"
In replying to this, her mother paused for a second and said:
"I don't care anyways, you were not born with my consent. When your second older brother was born, I told your father that I don't want anymore children, but he insisted that we should have a daughter, so I reluctantly agreed and gave you birth but I was not in the mood for the third child."
On upon hearing this, Mary left the room and went straight to her bedroom, and started crying thinking that her own mother did not want her and her father forced her mother to have her. That's when everything started to make sense to her. The way her mother always taunted her and how her father always covers up for her and loved her unconditionally.
She started to hate her father more than her mother because he forced her mother to have her. She thought all the fights she ever fought with her was useless because she would never going to accept her as her own daughter because she was forced to have her. She started to hate every one including her self. All the fights she fought with her mother was circling in her head and she just wanted to die from all the pain her mother put her through, from bullying her own daughter about her figure, about her height to about her face feature.
She was starting to understand everything and she was devastated that she was brought into this world because someone else wanted her to be the part of something she never felt the part of and always been reminded that she would be kicked out the moment she would graduate.....
...Present.....
She sitting in her room thinking about all the things that she had experienced over the past few week, she open her diary and wrote:
I always thought that being the hero of your own life story is so cool because you can change anything you want and nobody would be able to butt in but now I have realized that it's not true and there are somethings that you are not able to change no matter how much you wants to change them.
she further added that:
Sometimes I wonder whether I will ever be able to have a normal relationship with my mom or not.
Cause' every time I tried to make things right, I always end up as the bad person. I think, to understand what my mom is trying to tell I need to study psychology for that cause for her the girls life main purpose is to just get married and have kids which I don't want to do cause I have my own dreams to achieve before settling down and I am not asking for anything else. It's true that it is essential to for a girl to have man's shadow with her otherwise the whole world will going to swallow her whole just because of the fact that she has no man with her. It's TRUE!!
But why does every time a woman need to sacrifice her career for the sake of her kids and a man life's never changes. They stay the same.
The only conflict that I have with my mom is to stop taunting me about my future husband's home and please stop telling me that I need to get married in order to succeed in life or no matter what I do I will be in the need of getting married at the end!
When I sometimes think about that, it's just feels as if everything that I am striving for is useless cause my story will not going to be different from any other woman who is trying to raise her kids, cause her husband got her pregnant, and now according to society. It's not even her children, it's his. I ask, if it is, why the responsibility of raising children is not his responsibility and the girl is only responsible for it. Why it can't be divided into two? Why the responsibility of doing house chores is only on girls? If marriage means helping each other and being a part of each other's lives in a way that you both have someone on your back to help out with your problems so why then everything in the house is dependable on a woman? I sometimes feel like everything that happens has literally no point cause if in the end, the chores of the house will going to be the priority of a woman's life then why strive for anything else when everyone will call you a slut or shameless if you do a job after completing your studies. Why everything is so hard in a way that it is not hard at all?
Why does everyone think that they are right and the other person who is telling you something has no point at all?
Why does my mother think that getting married is everything and that without it, you're a failure?
Why everything is like that?
Why? WHY? Why?
Then why does mom think that everything revolves around marriage only and one person who did not do it then there's no turning back and you are Loser? What the hell Bro!!?
She fell asleep writing another page about her story of life.....