Five weeks had passed since Carl had taken her baby away. Hannah had healed physically, but her heart had been broken by her loss. Carl had held her heart before, but now he would not be able to find all of the pieces to put it back together. He still had some of them, but she had kept some bits hidden. It was the first step, she hoped, to breaking free.
The outward appearance that Hannah projected was that, despite her occasional tears, she had recovered from her loss. Carl was still in control and she still loved him as much as he loved her. It was a charade. Her resentment had to be buried deep inside. The efforts to leave before had never come to fruition, but maybe this would give her the impetus to go.
Carl had taken her into the local town for the first time since they had moved to the farmhouse. It was good to get out of the home which had become like a prison. Hannah felt conspicuous as she walked around the supermarket holding onto the trolley which Carl was pushing. She was convinced that the people around her knew that she had given her baby away with barely a whimper.
Now, it was all about putting on a brave face. Each day brought an, award winning, performance. Carl was convinced that the drama with Anthony had been forgotten. Back to running the home, Hannah cooked, cleaned and thought about her baby. Carl had stolen him and the resentment was growing.
After a couple of more trips out, Hannah managed to get over her paranoia. The outside world was not as scary as it had seemed. This added to her strength. Now all she had to do was pack a case and leave. Carl was out for most of the time each day and that would give her the space to make her escape. It was, however, not straightforward.
Why did she have to pack a case? Why couldn't she just leave? Hannah knew that it was a part of the process. Carl left for work, or whatever he did, and the next morning Hannah retrieved a suitcase from the top of the wardrobe. Concentrating, determined, the case was opened. Although empty, it did not seem so intimidating. A shoe was put in.
That was as far as she got that day. Despite her resolve to leave, it was proving more difficult than she had imagined. Her life entered into a strange pattern which had a surreal quality. Cook, clean, a trip to the shops with Carl, and then the suitcase. Every time Hannah was left alone, the case came out and the shoe went in.
As she looked at the virtually empty case, Hannah could not explain what stopped her from continuing with her packing. Go to the drawer. Get a jumper out. Walk to the case. Put it in? No. That was when the process stalled. Nothing could make the final part happen. A new day, brought a new attempt, which once again ended in failure.
Three months later Hannah opened the suitcase and put in the shoe. It took a lot of effort, but, somehow, she managed to put the second one in. That didn't mean that the battle was won, but it was a step in the right direction. Carl came home, smiled and acted as if nothing had happened. He had been fooled and that was a good thing.
Eight months after the birth of her child Hannah could get the suitcase out and put the following items inside: a pair of shoes, a pair of jeans, two T shirts, a bra and three pairs of knickers, two jumpers and a cardigan. At the moment, a bag of toiletries was proving difficult. Get that last thing in and the mission would be complete.
The case was ritually packed and unpacked every time Carl was out. Hannah made sure that she left no evidence of what she was doing. If Carl got a hint of the plan, he would be furious. He had come home and announced that they were moving again. It was easy packing all their clothes in the case for that, but she supposed it was because they were going together.
A new home, another upheaval, please don't let the disruption stop the progress. Getting the case out and performing the ritual, proved that the momentum had not been lost. They were now living in a small, semi-detached home in a town and that meant that it would be easier for her to get away. No longer stuck in the middle of nowhere, there were buses and trains which could take her away from Carl.
Their life ran smoothly, but Hannah kept the pieces of her heart and her deep resentment. Drawing on the pain of giving birth and the anguish of watching Carl take her baby away, fuelled the determination. Many more months passed and still the case was packed every day. Then came an incident that saw her finally able to leave.
Peeking through the curtains, Hannah watched as Carl got out of the car one evening. It was Carl, but there was something wrong. His face and his shape were different. As he turned, she saw a flash of huge teeth in a jaw which was too large. The car keys were clutched in a massive hand, complete with talons. Gradually, it became the Carl that she knew. The spell had been broken.
The next day, Hannah got out the suitcase. The usual items were packed and then the wash bag was popped in. Only a vague memory of what she had seen remained, but it was enough. There was, as suspected, something very wrong with Carl. The word demon asserted itself again. Now, it was easy to leave.
Hannah carried the case downstairs and then she put on her coat. The front door was open and she stepped over the threshold. Leaving the house, Hannah had to stop herself from running. At the train station, she paid with money pilfered from Carl's pockets. Where could she go. Away was good, but there needed to be a better plan. Back to her family would be good, but that posed a number of problems and would surely be the first place Carl looked.
Shoulders aching, head pounding, the train journey began. With each mile travelled, the strain lessened. Muscles relaxed, pain ebbed and peace was restored. Then the laughter bubbled out of her. Other people on the train stared at her and then some of them joined in. It was not the laugh of a maniac it was the laugh of someone filled with joy.