"It's fcking 2 am now, Caily. What now" she said on the phone call.
I called her because I was still confused by how I was feeling.
"I still don't know..." I said softly.
"You know, I don't know how you feel and think. You are the only one who knows that" I sigh.
"All right, go to sleep. Sorry for the disturbance."
"Nah, it's okay. You too. Get some sleep now." she said then hangs up.
I can't sleep because of the thought of what to do. Even Sierra is not focused. In fact, she also has no experience in love.
••••••••••
First day of summer vacation. Me and my whole family are going to the private resort for the outing.
When we arrived at the destination, we also saw a group of family coming out from the resort we rented.
"Caily?" a familiar voice called me.
'No fcking way'
I looked where that voice came from and saw him looking at me, shocked.
"Jacey?" I said.
I panicked because my family would see him. I haven't really been able to have a relationship yet because I'm too young they say. So, I gave him a signal to wait for me until my family comes in.
"What are you doing here?" I said.
"No, I'm the one who should ask here. What are you doing here?" he fought back as I rolled my eyes.
"What you did inside, Is what we will do there" I said sarcastically.
"Okay, this is enough. How long will you stay here?"
"And why do you need to know?" he sighs.
"Caily, I know that we're not on good terms yet but can you please take this seriously? Just for now." he begged but I just looked at him with disdain.
I can be serious while talking to him. The timing was just wrong and I was still a little awkward because we weren't okay yet and our sudden meet-up is just a coincidence. The worst is, we are in the same place. With our family both having a vacation.
He stepped closer to me then put his hands on my arms.
"There's no point getting agitated" he comforts.
"I am not."
"Yes, you are. Stop lying, I can see it. It's too obvious. What do you think of me? I did observe you since we first met."
"We only met once." he let go of his grip on my arm then massages his temple.
I bit my lip and turned in the other direction because I couldn't really control what I was saying whenever I am talking to him.
"Look at me." he said but I ignored him.
"Look. At. Me." I slowly looked at him as he sighs then put his palm on my head then pats it.
"Right, I just remembered that I should give you more time to think. I'm sorry." I only nodded.
"Guess I'll go now. It's nice to see you again." he smiles then walks away.
I watched him leave again and gradually disappear from my sight, I still did not have the strength to stop him from leaving.
I just waited for the car to start the engine but then I heard a sound from my phone. I opened it and saw his name on the notification bar.
"Have a good day :)" as I heard the car left.
••••••••••
"Caily! Are you still there?!" my cousin shouted outside.
"I'm done!" I shouted back as I went out of the comfort room.
"Did you take sht here? You're using this bathroom for more than thirty minutes."
"No, my hair was too dry from the chlorine on the pool. I just soaked it by conditioner." she went in quickly as if she was going to pee then slammed the door.
It's late and I just finished taking a bath. My aunts and uncles are upstairs to sleep and my cousin and I are the only ones left. I also went upstairs and immediately went to bed and opens my phone.
His name once again appeared in my notification with just one message.
"Goodnight <3"
His message was one hour ago.
"I guess he's now sleeping."
I decided to play a game on my phone as I was about to start playing, I saw him active there.
I felt a wave of sudden anger because I recalled before that when he let me know he was going to sleep, he will definitely be logging out and as far as I remember, I installed the game and caught that he was just lying to play because I always don't allow him since I became strict to him when he once cheated on me. I catch him chatting with other girls too on that game because his game was also connected on his social media.
Those days always hunts me down on that time, feeling extremely indignant.
I immediately blocked his number as well as his account.
It was already late at night.
Sometimes at night, I always overthink whether he is sincere to me or still lying.
I knew we already broke up and there should be nothing I had to care about what he wanted to do in his life for now but why am I feeling this again? I feel hurt, nervous, or maybe jealousy if he's playing with another girl right now.
I need to cry to lessen the hurt at least in just five minutes but I feel uneasy to shed a tear when I'm in the same room with my cousins.
They don't know that I am secretly dating someone even before and I don't want to let them know that because I have a stern family. I'll just get grounded and confiscate my phone.
It's cold here now since it's night time and here I am, sweating, trying to hold my tears back. Even a single drop shouldn't fall from my eyes.
I was even more confused.
Should I still forgive him and give him a chance?
Or should I cut ties with him...