Joel looked up at the seemingly empty desk towering several feet above him, when a wood panel slid over in the middle of it revealing a window and more appropriately sized desk; behind which sat smoky skinned middle aged women with gem studded devil horns sitting from her tight hair bun.
She cooed at Joel reassuringly, "Oh old Hot Head Haph is so protective of his little lady. They got married about this time last spring and ever since he's been all constant vigilance since her species tends to attract all sorts of unwanted admirers. Just between you and me." She looked around the empty reception area before gossiping. "They were both on here a few days ago inquiring about an Interspecies Fertility Enchantment. Seems like they're looking to grow their little grove, or herd... eh family" Ms. Gooshwrath shrugged then pulled out a stack of papers and scrolls.
"Looks like you're Ol' Snackin' Al's nephew, lucky lad. I'll be sure to waive the screening any care packages you receive if you swing by for tea an gossip once a month or so I know you'll be busy catching up on the essentials being from E. A. R. T. H. and all...." She winked her long eyelashes at that barely whispered statement.
"Take these forms to the third exam room on the left. There will be a blood line screening, physical exam, curse check, and finally Soul Familiar Summoning all to determine initial rankings for housing arrangements. I wish you the best of luck, tell your Uncle I said 'Howdy'." She chucked at some inside joke and passed him the stack of papers before waving him aside.
Waddling down the hall, Joel entered the third door on his left and set his bags on the ground beside the paper covered examination bed. A mild incense was burning on the counter and a tapestry depicting various acupoints on the human body hung on the back of the door he came through. The other door soon opened and a short stocky middle aged man with a bulbous nose walked in carrying a clipboard. He had a set of Steampunk looking goggles on his head amid some messy lavender hair and he wore a white lab coat over some rubber ducky printed robes.
He cupped a fist and bowed slightly to the seated Joel and began, "I am Elder Grashlag. Representative of the Wee Races and on the School board, Gnome, and Master Healer. Given your heritage the Council thought it prudent to limit the knowledge of your home world. If asked you came from Black Dirt City in the Linley Province."
He looked at his charts lost in thought for a moment Joel blurted out " he town known for its Shadow Rat races?" He stood and cupped his hand before bowing "I mean, I greet you Master Healer and Honored Elder Grashlag". Joel blushed furiously.
The gnome just laughed, "No need to stand on ceremony lad. You may be blushing now but I'm going to need you in it birthday suit. My congratulations on the birthday by the way. Hurry up now, put your Guest Robes on the bed, boots and all."
Sheepishly yet speedily Joel stripped down past his new comfy silk boxers and stood before the waiting elder who looked up unfazed at his manhood. The short man circled him muttering" Minimal scarring, good core from hard labor, no visible deformities. Small dragon shaped birthmark on the right buttock." Elder Grashlag paused to laugh at Joel's confused expression from the joke before Joel chuckled with him.
The gnome continued marking a form and mumbling, "Good sense of humor, far too tall at 189 centimeters. Eyes: light green Hair: Short Dark brown, Beard: Stubble yet promising with hints of red on the chin. Tail: Not Applicable, horns, none, skin: tan, fleshy free of scales."
The eccentric doctor flipped to another paper.
"Lie down on your stomach please".
Joel pushed aside his folded clothes to follow the elders instructions. "This shouldn't hurt a bit, I've been practicing every Saturday at the pub dartboard." Before Joel could ask for clarification the gnome leapt up and tossed a handful of silver needles across Joel's bare skin. The young man instantly froze, not in fear or tension but in a meditative trance. The medical gnome continued his ramblings.
"Normal response to Human Acupoint Array. Chi levels mundane, uncultivated, no major elemental chi affinity. Obvious curse status: negative. Begin bloodline testing..."
The gnome snapped his gloved fingers and the needles rose out of Joel's skin before landing in a tray that Joel could have sworn didn't exist earlier. The tray was engraved with odd geometric formations and had a circle of six gems studded in it. A few of them began to glow at various intensities.
The examiner made more marks with his pen before announcing clearly. "Mana affinities as follows: Fire - miniscule, Metal- Mid Upper Tier, Earth-Mid Lowered Tier, Wood- Low Upper Tier, Water - Mid Mid Tier, Air-High Upper Tier. Given your lack basic understanding I'll explain it too you, your weakest affinity is for fire, you may be able to light a candle but you'll have to study long and hard to even make tea with spells alone. Air is your strongest affinity which at that level is uncommon. It is one tier below Cherished which would be insanely rare.
At your level of Affinity you can learn Air spells like new drinking songs. As the tiers go down the less efficient your mana will be at using the particular element. On an even more basic level Chi is life energy and while able to be channeled into a weapon or projected in some attacks its all internally based, a jar you must filter the contents of and brew like fine wine.
Mana is like a muscle that moves external energy around. Punching in air is easy, punching in water is troublesome punching in stone is ridiculous yet on rare occasion some blessed fool manages it.
Your affinity determines the starting size of the muscle and to a practical extent its upper bounds. You could in theory focus your life on training only fire mana and be tossing fireballs the size of me in your golden years, yet at that point you have squandered your other potentials.
You have a pretty neutral chi affinity so you'll be starting from scratch with whatever you decide to focus on most often related to your Profession by the way. Smiths need be able to take the heat, alchemists need the nature affinity that wood brings. We healers use a bit of everything but mainly Water, Air, and Wood.
You have the makings of a possibly great healer so I'm signing you up for my class Field Medic Training. While I'm not allowed to grab you as an assistant until your second semester please keep me in mind when that time comes.
I've talked your ear off long enough now we need some virgin blood for your Soul Familiar summoning, based on how many and what type you summon will determine housing, free tutoring, and other perks."
At the mention of virgin blood Joel blushed once again. He'd only had one girlfriend and they'd focused on studying more than canoodling much to his mother's approval.
The gnome sighed and rolled his eyes amid his lavender lashes." It just means blood that hasn't been used in another spell or ritual. All of the students on campus must be considered adults of their species and as long as it doesn't interfere with studies or the professional environment of the University such relations are allowed. Most of the residences have been graffitied with Fruitless Coupling and Disease Resist formations but I'd get them checked by an expert before trusting anything.
Romantic dealings between students and their teachers is forbidden as long as they share a class. While you seem like a decent fellow I must still warn you any form of sexual offense be it assault, rape, blackmail is strictly forbidden and such cases will be subject to Official Investigation.
Every staff member has a token of temporary sobriety and is sworn to confidentiality so should you and your potential lover meet over drinks you can properly confirm consent and intentions. Lover's housing is available for students in good standing but some perks will be averaged between their ranking.
Every year there is a Lovers Tournament of crafting and combat in the late Spring to earn various perks and prizes. The staff have their own round at the end. Last year my wife Grintilda and I were unseated in the Staff Combat Championship by the newlywed Haph and Phlandry.
Anyway you must be cold. Put your robes back on and follow me.:
The long winded fellow took Joel's papers and proceeded to stamp them while he waited. Joel was grateful for the stretchy elastic like portions on parts of his clothes as he tied off the fabric belt in a bowline not. His new pen was tucked into his shirt pocket, the pocket the clip and cap staying blessedly secure.
He slid into his superbly fit boots and moseyed on after the surprisingly quick gnome. They passed a storage room filled with colorful bikes and racks of medical robes of various sizes. Then came to a sliding glass door leading out into a decently sized courtyard.
On the upper floors Joel spotted a few patients sipping tea on their balconies overlooking the towering willow tree almost as tall as the hospital itself. The purple haired doctor slid open the door for Joel and explained "We have a floor for each Major Element, the ground floor is the Earth floor and the Water floor is actually beneath us, it caters to the more amphibious races or those with special bloodlines.
As we are technically between semesters until tomorrow we have very few patients currently, so we should be able to borrow the courtyard for a moment without bothering anyone. The bored fools will likely enjoy the show.
Go stand under the Weeping Nurse Tree while I set up the formation flags."
With a wave of his small hand the gnome conjured a couple dozen small marking flags of various colors. He then flipped on his goggles with a firm nod before waving Joel off and muttering something about the Tapestry of Life. Joel stood puzzled and stared up at the drooping branches of the tree.
From what Joel remembered reading in The Loot Mule, this world was eerily like Earth. The seasons roughly matched the same timing. The sun rose in the East and set in the west as did its three moons Cya, Ama, And Mifo. Which were blue, yellow, and green respectively.
The calendar was divided into the four seasons with each month subdividing the season into early, mid, and late. The days themselves were just a hair over 25 earth hours long each local hour was made of twenty incense's time or three minutes. Each incense was 180 breaths long.
The standard unit of currency were the bronze, silver, and gold coins. Each had a convenient hole in her center for stringing or stacking on pegs. Each coin was worth a hundred of its predecessor.
A basic meal would cost around ten bronze, a night at a basic in, thirty bronze, a serving of basic booze two bronze. Joel then realized his wallet was confiscated by the magic uniform enforcing entryway but he guessed it's contents would be useless to him.
As he began to appreciate the fluffy clouds a whistle rang out in front of him. "Don't think your familiar is up there boyo, you don't have the affinity to be a Storm Mage.
Take three steps forward, sit in the lotus position, and prick your finger with the needle on the tray."
Somewhat robotically Joel stepped according to the commands while butterflies in his stomach were warring with the boa jerky.
He sat and was grateful for the yoga classes he took to easily bring his legs into full lotus.
He reached out to the brass tray in front of him and eyed the long silver needle appreciatively; it was inscribed with tiny markings and studded with jewels no larger than a grain of sand.
Settling on his left ring finger Joel gently poked the ornate needle into the center of the spiral of that fingerprint. Instantly a dark crimson droplet budded forth before turning to red mist that flowed out and around his surroundings. A gentle tinkling of bells rang out and a thick white fog rolled in.
A small buzzing sound like the fluttering of a humming bird circled his head before coalescing in front of him. A shiny sewing needle hovered above him with a short strand of red thread tied off on its eye. A distinctly feminine and cheery voice entered his mind, "This one greets her new Master. What name will you bestow this humble servant?" Joel thought for a moment before replying in a half trance
"Vexi, for you will soothe the troubles of our allies and a thorn unto our foes." The voice squealed with glee before dipping down to tap the blood on the other needle then floated up to nest in his hair.
Joel looked around in anticipation hoping to see some legendary sword or a ghostly mount make an appearance next. Instead the fog began to fade and seep into Joel's chest.
He felt a warm sensation in his shirt and soon his recently gifted pen slid out of the pocket on its own accord and began to float in front of him.
A slick male voice called out. "Pleased ta meet ya Master." It popped off its cap and tipped it like a hat.
"I'm glad to have been Awakened by you. What wonderful name will you give me? I must warn you, if you say Rocky you'll likely be sporting a mustache drawn by yours truly."
Chuckling at the marble pen's antics Joel composed himself and entered the same mind space as when he named his other familiar. "You shall be Arilogos, the quick wit that cuts deep and remembers all. Favors and grudges alike."
Arilogos tipped forwards in an approximation of a bow then tipped his cap to the shy Vexi before saying "I look forward to workin' with cha Vex, you's can feel free to call me Ari. Ciao."
He floated back into place in his preferred pocket. The fog fully faded and the gnome grunted in approval.
"Let's see, that's one Familiar summoned and one Awakened both are Item types of the Tool variety yet none related to combat so no weight there.
Factoring in your previous test results that puts you squarely on the Upper Side of Second Hill Status. This means if you do well in your classes or the tourneys, you stand a fair chance of getting promoted to Third Hill Status and all the perks that come with it.
With that out of the way please sign your Name Token and let me welcome you to our prestigious academy."
The goggled gnome bowed and presented Joel with a blank slat of wood that looked like a bookmark, tassel and all.
"I got this Boss." Ari chimed up and floated into Joel's right hand. With rich black ink Joel wrote his name vertically:
Joel Jeorgeson
The ink was sucked into the token which now was engraved with his name and two golden hills outlined at the bottom.
Elder Grashlag explained, "All our staff members can view your current Affinity Aptitudes, Ranking, and Scheduling through this token. All of them already know your about your home and cover story. You should so keep your relation to your Uncle Albert on the down low to avoid rumors of nepotism.
Your other belongings and starting supplies will be transferred to your new residence. At your Status level you will have your own room neighboring three other students that share a courtyard and kitchen.
Laundry services will be provided on Air Day. I look forward to seeing you in class.
Please present your Name Token to each teacher. By infusing your will and chi into the token you can bring up your current schedule on the back. Profession selections don't open up until next week so you'll currently have evenings to yourself. It's kindly recommended that First Years wear their Name Token openly. Best of Luck Joel. "The Master Healer pulled up his goggles and gave him a wink and thumbs up.