Chapter Six: what's your secret
"He kissed you!" I tell Sage and Angel about how my date (well I think it was a date) went.
"Yes he kissed me." I blush.
"He likes you." Angel sings.
We are drinking coffee and it's a Saturday morning.
"You don't know that." I state while taking another sip of coffee.
"Yes I do." Sage snaps and Angel nods in agreement.
I roll my eyes as Little comes and sits in my lap. Fluffy is sitting in Sage's lap. I love drinking coffee while cuddling with my kitty cat.
"Beep beep!" Goes my phone as I reach over Little and grab my phone on the coffee table.
"Who is it?" Angel winks.
"I bet it's lover boy." Sage beams.
I look down at my phone and see it's a text from Luke that says:
"You busy today? If not, let's go to the park!"
"It's Luke and he asks if I want to go to the park." I smile.
"Another date! Damn! He likes you!" Sage grins and Angel laughs.
"You have to go!" Angel adds.
I text Luke:
"Sure! What time?"
Luke texts: "In 2 hours if that is okay with you. I will pick you up. :)"
Me: "Sounds great. :)"
***
I decided to wear: a red v-neck short sleeve shirt, blue jean shorts, and black flip flops. Angel does my makeup that looks very natural and very pretty. Of course my lipstick is red to match my shirt. Who doesn't need a pop of color? Sage straightens my long brown hair.
I look at myself in the mirror and before the bad thoughts can start Sage smiles: "You look beautiful." Angels nods in agreement.
"Thank you both for helping me get ready." I beam with joy and excitement.
"Ring!" Goes the doorbell. Angel and Sage run to get the door while I grab my purse.
"Hey Luke!" Angel smiles as she opens the door.
"Come on in, Nicky's almost ready." Angel lets Luke in and I hear Little meowing at Luke.
"That's Little, Nicky's cat." Angel explains.
"He's very pretty." Luke pets Little and I can hear Little purring.
"He likes you! Little is a good judge of character." Angel adds.
"I'm ready." I smile at Luke as I enter the room. I see in Luke's hands he has some red roses in his hands. A red rose is my favorite flower.
"Thank you for the roses." I smile and take the flower's from Luke's hands.
"I will put them in a vase." Angel calls out and I hand her the flowers.
"You ready to go?" I ask Luke.
"Yes, let's go." He smiles back at me.
"Have fun!" Angel calls out.
"But not too much fun!" Sages laughs as I shut the door to my apartment.
"Let's go." I smile at Luke.
We get in Luke's car and of course Luke is driving. Today Luke is wearing a red t-shirt, blue shorts, and white sneakers.
We get to the park and go to the swings which are my favorite.
"So Nicky, how did you become a Christian?" Luke asks as we both swing on the swings.
I think about my answer for a moment because I don't want to tell him about my eating disorder just yet. I mean, this is only our second date and I don't want to ruin it.
"I grew up in a Christian home but I started getting serious about my faith when I was sixteen. What about you?"
"I grew up in a Christian household as well. But it's wasn't till after my Dad committed suicide that I started to get serious about my faith."
"Oh my goodness I am so sorry." I try to comfort him.
Wow I can't believe he just opened up to me. Maybe I should share some information about myself.
"It's okay. It was a long time ago. I have healed from it but my Mom hasn't. She's been depressed ever since. So my sister had to move in with my Mom to take care of her. But my Dad did leave me some money to go to college with so that's what I am doing." Luke tries to smile but it's fake and I can see the pain in his eyes.
"I am so sorry about everything your family has gone through. Just know I am always here for you." I smile at him.
"Now that I have shared my deepest and darkest secret with you, what's your secret?"
I freeze. Should I really tell him? I mean, my secret is so scary that it kills people. People die from not eating.
"I can't tell you yet." I cry. I stop swinging.
"Why not?" He questions and raises his eyebrow.
"Because once I tell you, you will leave me." I whisper.
"I would never leave you." He gets off the swings and comes to me. He grabs my hands and kisses me on the lips. I kiss him back but I am still scared to tell him.
Once we stop kissing, I tell him: "I have an eating disorder called Anorexia nervosa which basically means I struggle with not eating and obsess over my weight. It got so bad last year that I had to go into a mental hospital. Now it's getting better I think but I still struggle with it. I'm not normal. Now that you know the truth about me, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to leave me." I explain and wait for what he will say.
"Okay, you have an eating disorder. That still doesn't make me want to leave you. I really like you Nicky. I like you a lot. And sure, you have some issues but I promise you, I will help you through it. You don't have to go through this by yourself. I am here for you. I want to do life with you." He smiles up at me.
"Just as a friend?" I ask.
"No, Nicky: will you be my girlfriend?"
"Yes, a million times yes." I smile and Luke kisses me again.
I have a boyfriend who knows my deepest and darkest secret. A boyfriend, who truly cares for me. For the first time in years, I feel happy. I have hope that with Luke by my side, we can get through this. I know Luke can't save me from my eating disorder but I know with his support, he can help me through it. I have to start eating three times a day. I have to get better! I know with Luke's help, I can get better.