I feel so heavy-eyed after dinner. I took a bath before going to bed. Tracy munched some more cookies while watching more movies then she took a bath. When she was done, she combed my hair and told me she had a perfect plan for tomorrow night. There will be a village fair tomorrow at the beach and at seven in the evening there will be a party. Tracy insisted that we should go and I said yes, although I'm doubtful that it will go smoothly.
After talking to Tracy about what has been bothering me, I feel light but at the same time unsure. I'm hopeful for tomorrow but at the same time, I'm not. What I told Tracy was not the whole story, even though we are pretty much transparent to each other. There is just something that I can't dare to open up with somebody else. Something about me that I myself is figuring out and as time passes by, it is becoming a wound that is making me anxious and overthink. I know it is confusing but it might be a new start to rebuild myself, but I still keep having what-ifs. What if I have changed and this is pretty much who I am now, what if I am really introverted? Way too introverted! Why would I try to be something I'm not, and be uncomfortable about it? Do I really have to be out there? What if going out and about is not really the answer? Oh well, before I could even think about more worries and doubts, I better stop thinking about it and just go with the flow, at least for now.
Because I said yes to that party, I have to look like I'm creating an effort to prepare and look presentable. "I guess we should look for something to wear?" I asked Tracy as I reached for my closet. Tracy laughed and picked up her bag. She grabbed three or four of her best clothes and showed them to me. Tracy is such a girl scout, no wonder her bag is too bulky, it's like the village center. It has everything from fashionable dresses, cosmetics, accessories, EVERYTHING! She even has a few bags of her favorite cookies.
While deciding on what to wear, Tracy told me to just be myself tomorrow and that I don't need to be pressured. She told me that I don't need to worry about socializing because even if it's a party I could have my own thing and just enjoy it.
I tried convincing myself that it's just a party, it is no big deal. I don't need to overthink and waste my time being overly dramatic about it but I'll see tomorrow. Having a lot of people around makes me feel uneasy but whatever, Tracy threw in a lot of effort and I do not want to upset her.
Before the party, Tracy and I decided to hang out at B's Café. Aside from the park, this is one of our favorite hangouts because it's always soothing here, especially on rough days. We sat by the booth near the window and saw Rick's car. As our eyes searched for Rick, there was zero sign of him nor his annoying glance, until we realized he was sitting next to where we were sitting.
" Oh great!" I grimaced.
" I see you two have been eyeing something or someone?" Ha! Rick grinned.
" Not really," Tracy exclaimed.
" I just went to buy some stuff for a guest and dropped by here. Are you going to the village party? Better get there ASAP. They're heating the dance floor now."
Yeah right! As if I would really go there to be on the dance floor, I sighed internally.
"May I just look around the village center before going to the party, I need some more air" I asked Tracy.
"How much air will you need? You're going to a beach party!" Rick butted in, teasing me.
" Whatever, I'll be back just give me 5 minutes" I looked at Tracy and she just nodded.
There was a novelty shop beside the cafe so I went there to ease my mind for a bit. I saw a bunch of dream catchers and decided to take a look. I do not really believe that it catches bad dreams but I find it beautiful. I'd probably go back to this store and buy one. I was reaching for a white dream catcher when a guy reached out to it as well. Instead of a surprised face, he smiled at me.
"Beautiful, isn't it?" he said. I agreed as it looked rare. The khaki and gold-colored embellishments made it look soothing, it's the reason why I wanted to buy it in the first place but I guess, I won't be having it because the guy looked like he is going to buy it.
"Oh hey, I'm just taking a look, you can have it." I said to the good-looking guy with beautiful welcoming eyes. He was about to say something when my phone rang. It was Tracy, so I quickly answered the phone.
"Where are you? Come on!" Tracy asked.
"I'm just in the shop beside the cafe, I'll go there now." I smiled back at the guy and left the store. As soon as I get back to the cafe, I realized, Rick's car was still outside but there was no sight of him. I shrugged it off when Tracy signaled that it's time to go to the party.
When Tracy and I arrived at the party, the party was pretty much booming. We saw Jared as well, with a bunch of his buddies. Tracy checked out Jared first while I was standing awkwardly and eyeing for nothing. I feel so awkward that I wanted to go home. Tracy noticed that I'm having an "I'M-NOT- A- PEOPLE- PERSON- SYNDROME", so she went by my side and dragged me by the portable bar.
"Steph? Are you fine? You wanna go home?" Tracy asked uneasily.
"I'll be fine, don't worry."
"Alright then, let's get some cocktails". She insisted.
We saw some fire dancers near the shore, so we decided to watch closer.
Tracy told me to chill down a bit and relax. So instead of minding what I feel, I took Tracy's advice. I sipped some margarita until I downed a glass then I closed my eyes and breathed out some air. I somehow felt calm but I must admit, I became feeling tipsy.
The fire dancers were so mesmerizing, watching them was so great. I was so keen on watching the fire dancers that I didn't realize Tracy was out of sight. I looked for her tirelessly and became uncomfortable but I can't see a single trace of her so I decided to put my docks in a row. I have to calm down and try to get sober. I am way too introverted for these types of things. I should've just stayed at home, I kept murmuring to myself mindlessly.
As I was walking along with the crowd, I tripped and the next thing I knew, I'm in the arms of a guy who seemed familiar. He smiled at me and I was so dumbstruck.