Kathryn
I've always believed in enjoying the finer things in life which to me are a lot more simple than they seem. Like finishing a really good novel that I couldn't put down only to start another one. Having really good laughs with my sisters. Spending an hour in a bubble bath sipping wine. Sitting on my porch just to enjoy the setting sun. And having Nathan Hail being himself with me. He's been so raw with me in the last twenty-four hours. Being with him again, feeling his skin against mine, the touch of his hands. He is what I want forever. To wake up with, go to sleep with, and do every single moment of life together. He is drawing patterns across my back his touch aways blazing its trail along my skin. No man holds power over me not one ever. I can turn it off in an instant and the situation never crosses my mind again. Being with someone long term wasn't something I wanted. I didn't see that for myself. But here I am laying against his body wondering if I could be missing out? I am a sensible woman with that being said I don't have the best restraint when it comes to Nathan. He makes me feel things I've never felt before I can't explain it. I can't even begin to tell him how I feel. In this moment I realize I found my twin flame, my red string of fate that never breaks it's bond regardless of being stretched or tangled it remains forever bound to these two people. Could he be it for me? Finally relaxing my mind I drift off to sleep.
I wake up to Nathan screaming "Mom please stay! Please don't do this to dad. Don't do this to me." his eyes pinched shut. I flip the bedside light on my hands on his cheeks. "Nathan!! Nathan! Wake up. It's okay! Look at me." His arms jolting out almost knocking me off the bed, his eyes shoot open he's sweating, his breathing heavy and a frantic look on his beautiful face. He catches me and wraps his arms around me burying his face between my neck and my shoulder. He says "I'm sorry Kat! I'm so sorry! Did I hurt you? Are you alright? Damn bad dream." I pull back from him to study his face. "Sweets I'm fine! Are you okay? You were screaming at your mom? We can talk about it!" his eyes leaving mine glancing down as if he is ashamed. Touching his face " It's okay! You can tell me anything." he lets out a deep sigh "I've never told anyone but the day my mom left my dad had got into a bad motorcycle wreck. She left us at the hospital, with him in surgery to move her stuff out because she didn't want to be with him anymore. I was 17 it was hard for me to understand then how she just one day stopped loving and caring about him. But she did overnight or so I thought. What I didn't realize was my mother had met someone else and it had been going on for several years. My parents tried couples counseling, Tuck, was willing to forgive her and move past it. What I learned later was she didn't want that she couldn't forgive herself. She broke her vows their marriage in her eyes it was over. I was so mad at her for years. I couldn't forgive her for leaving him and me there not knowing if he may or may not make it. It changed me, I broke up with the girl I was dating Caroline, we had been together since ninth grade. But what I thought I knew about relationships was all a lie so I gave up on it, I didn't see a future with her. So I started sleeping around and drinking heavy. I became the guy that I didn't want to be but felt as if it were necessary to be heartless. Sometimes when I sleep after drinking I have that dream about the day she left. No expression on her face, not the mother I knew. We both adore my mom she was a saint. Since then we have fixed our relationship but it's not something I can forget." his eyes finally lifting to meet mine " Shortly after you & I started seeing each other she told me that I should invest myself more in a relationship than I do in my friends because they won't always be around. I smarted off at her because she can't give me advice on life when she left the man she had loved for twenty-five years for my stepdad John. That night I felt tossed aside like trash even though it wasn't me she was walking away from it sure as hell felt like it all the same. I had wanted a life like theirs, a marriage like theirs but look where they ended up." watching him be so fragile makes me want him to know how I truly feel, that I would never leave him feeling like this. I know it's not something I can guarantee, life not promised to anyone. I want to take that pain away from him. "Nathan I know it must have been a hard experience for you. There's nothing I can say or do to take that pain away. But hear me when I say that I care for you in a way I don't for others. Since we started being us you have been the only one. What I mean by that is you are the only one who fills my thoughts, the only one who I feel sees me for me. I don't trust people openly but with you I never had a choice." his face is worried he wasn't expecting me to react this way. He pulls away from me sinking my heart and gets out of the bed and starts getting dressed. "What did I say wrong?" he looks up at me after buttoning up his shirt and pulling on his boots then only says "Nothing... I just have to go." turning around in one swift movement and he's out the door. It doesn't register to me what happened until he's long gone I'm sitting up alone in my empty bed my head spinning from the turn of events. I fall back onto the pillows I don't understand him at all he confesses to me a painful memory then pulls away when I try to be there for him. Running my hand through my hair I am so frustrated. He has all these walls up a huge barricade he's built around himself every time I get closer to him it's ten steps back. What do I do from here? Wait to see if he comes around or let it go entirely. After almost a year of our back and forth I don't even know if we are progressing or digressing. He's so confident in who he is around everyone but when he is with me he's different he's letting me in but never has he just up and left.
Grabbing my phone I shoot Grace my super honest best friend a text I haven't seen her in such a long time she will be able to help me see reason. Inviting her over for cocktails in the morning and brunch. Once I tell her everything she will bring me to reality. Afterall tomorrow is the big rivalry game Clemson and Carolina are playing the boys are having a huge party tonight. I've been invited but I am now doubting I go. Rolling over shutting my eyes I have to get some sleep. Worrying about all of this isn't helping me any right now.
My clock goes off at 9:50am followed by light taps on the front door. I jump up out of bed to meet Grace at the door only to my surprise its not her it's Nathan holding out coffee and donuts. He has a sweet look on his face and dark circles under his eyes. "Nathan... What wrong? Why are you here after you just stormed out?" His face saddens even more "Kat about last night I'm sorry! I know I say that a lot but I was to exposed and I just had to go I haven't slept all night I've been driving around trying to clear my head. I'm new at this.. The whole talking thing and I just didn't know how to respond. I felt like I was suffocating with every word you said." keeping my eyes locked on his I reply "You didn't have to leave. But I understand why you did it to an extent. Is that the only reason you are here?"
He comes in the door and I step a side he places the coffee and bag down pausing I'm growing impatient and annoyed with on going game "Nathan? A answer would be nice you can't just storm out of here and then come back like nothing happened." He turns and is in my face before I know it hands meeting my cheeks his thumb brushes my bottom lip "Kathryn I am hopeless when it comes to words. I am doing the best I can. I need you more than I could ever admit. For once I fell the spark and intensity I am always hearing about. What can I do to make this right?" Looking away from his gaze "I need to know you will stop pushing me away. It's a constant whirlwind with us. I can't even tell if we are coming or going anymore." Lifting my chin to looking at him again he says "I promise you that it will get better! I just need time to sort myself out but I don't want to do it alone." His lips gently meeting mine I almost give in to get lost in him until the sound of someone clearing their throat comes from behind us.
I spin around and the voice meets me "Y'all two keep on leaving the door open and you won't have to tell it cause everyone will know it." Grace is leaning against the open door with a sarcastic smile on her face. Feeling instantly relieved Nathan grabs his coffee kissing me on my cheek. " I'll see y'all tonight! Grace always a pleasure" as he strolls out the house she closes the door behind him. "Girl please tell me you have snagged that man candy as your own already he is too precious to leave out in the wild. We are going to that damn party tonight! Lay your claim girl!" Smiling and shaking my head I know she's right but how can I possibly do that with all these eyes on me all the time. "Fine I'll suck it up but we aren't gonna stay long. So help me sort this out cause right now I don't know what I should do." Grace plops down on the couch patting the seat beside her "I think that it's way more than lust for both of y'all! Tell me the truth you know I will listen whatever it is. Kathryn Carter is conquered by no man. What makes him different?" Letting out a deep sigh I don't know that she's ready for this "Grace, I'm completely at a loss here. He is always on my mind when he's not he's not far from it. Nathan is like the other piece of the puzzle that's missing. Every word he speaks to me keeps me wanting more. He sets me on fire, it's a slow fulfilling burn. I am utterly in love with him and I can't tell him. I won't not until I know if he possibly feels the same way." She stops me "Yeah I can tell you are but so is he. It's written all over his face he didn't know I was here he was to wrapped with you just now to notice someone was watching. Maybe you should tell him the truth or what you can of it. No matter what you say y'all are wasted on each other." Can't be he just keeps saying what he knows will keep me around. He's so good at reading me now and I'm constantly in the dark when it comes to him. He says one thing then does another.
The rest of the day goes by quickly as we finally start getting ready for tonight. I have the worst feelings about going. Standing in my closet with Grace still showering for tonight I can't decide what to wear. I decide on high waisted jeans, dark burgundy bell sleeve fitted shirt, gold hoop earrings with black booties. Grace comes out as I'm zipping up my shoes. "Okay girl! You are gonna knock him dead tonight! That outfit looks amazing!" Finishing up the loose curls running my fingers through my hair for volume. Looking myself over in the mirror I'm ready to take whatever punishment tonight will hold. Millhouse always serves me punishment for attending these parties you would think they were a Fraternity and I would know better than now.
We pull up at the house Graces first visit here it's nothing extravagant a small white house with three bed rooms, a back deck looking over a small pond, a game room with a killer sound system. The music is already blasting out into the yard you can see the bodies all outside the house telling me they are at max capacity tonight. We get out the car making our way up to the house to find Sarah. Grace isn't her biggest fan she doesn't believe she has my best interest at heart. But she's been my friend the longest. As we get closer to the house I don't recognize half the people I see outside. Jaxson and Phillip are sitting in the hot tub with a few girls blowing smoke up their asses I'm sure. Phillip shouts my name I wave but keep walking I am not getting caught in his web tonight. As we make our way inside Tallon is leaned against the counter grinning ear to ear. He's so smug half the time His voice carrying over the crowd "I didn't think you would show tonight Kathryn! Who is your friend?" Rolling my eyes at him "Tal this Grace! Where is Sarah?" He points toward the living room. "She just went in there with Jo, Leah and Nathan. They have been up each other's asses tonight." My face turns hot as I meet Grace's eyes. We make our way to the living room and without a doubt they are in there Sarah sitting on Nathan's lap draped all over him. How dare this bitch... rage runs through me, two can play this game. I pull Grace past them and back outside the siding glass door. Running into Jaxson, Phillip and Nick. Nick was the quarterback in high school he's blonde, tall and built well like a lean football player, with the sweetest smile. He brings me into a hug we have been friends since I can remember. "Kat! It's good to see your friendly face did you come alone?" Before he finishes Nathan is standing beside Jaxson I meet his gaze I'm done playing this bullshit game "Grace here came with me but other than that I absolutely did! Let's get a drink guys!" Wrapping my arms in between Nick and Phillip. He wants to see a show I'll give him one. Once we get back inside the kitchen Tallon is still at his post from earlier his face utterly shocked but he knows I don't play with disrespecting me. My own best friend and the guy I'm seeing with are to cozy for my comfort. I lost Phillip in the crowed but Nick will do. He hands me a Ultra as I pop the top I feel the tension loosening for the first time I feel in control of myself. He wraps his arm around me and I take advantage leaning in. He's not my type he's adorable boy like charm and he's so well built but once he opens his mouth that's it for me. Looks can only get you so far.
After I few minutes Alex walks up his arm draped over Jo he looks so happy for the first time in a long time. Which makes me even more mad at Nathan. "Kat! It's good you came. Where is Sarah y'all are usually each other's shadow." I don't even think before I respond. "She was hanging all over your best friend last time I saw her." He doesn't catch my sarcasm but Grace sure does as her eyes widen she grabs my arm pulling me away from them and down the hall into the bedroom. "You have got to watch your mouth. I know you are pissed but don't get on their level." Before I can respond the bed room door swings open Nathan is standing there , Grace backs out the room.