They didn't leave me!
The three other existences besides me just stayed where they were the moment we met.
Well, I assume that they are the same as me – whatever I am besides a mass of thought – and so neither of us could move even if we wished to leave each other.
I hope they don't want to leave.
They don't seem to but I can't read minds.
No, that's not quite right.
Because we all are just disembodied thoughts, reading minds is kind of the way we communicate.
Actually its a bit more complicated.
When I want to say something, I have to take a part of the thoughts that are me and completely form it into the Information I want to share. Then I need to create a pseudo sense, that copies the act of speaking and use it to somehow present the Information.
It is way to hard.
Even when I was alive I didn't speak for literal years, so how should I know how to copy the act of speaking? Even when I think hard about it I cant imagine how a human can actually speak. Even if they can, why should they? There are other, better ways to communicate.
From a biological point of view its pretty easy.
But mentally? Heck no that can't work.
The human mind is just weird to do it automatically. That's it.
To put it simply; I suck at communicating.
For the others it must be like listening to an half evolved ape or something but they didn't complain.
One even said it was funny and that made me happy.
The act of listening is way easier.
I only need to concentrate to feel their presences and every time someone [said] something I can grasp the presented information and process it.
Because the three of them calm me down and distract me from my own thoughts with their mere existence, I actually tried to feel their presence all the time until it became natural for me. So I'm quite good at listening.
And being able to [hear] them is a great bliss.
One always has something to share and Seven [speaks] too every now and then. Four doesn't talk but sometimes they just send the Information of that wind chime-laughing as a reaction to something another one shared. Maybe they can't really talk too and just [sit] there listening.
Hm?
Oh yes; I named them.
Well actually I don't get how names work so I gave them numbers.
I have a problem with numbers okay. Don't judge me.
It's only for me to tell them apart more clearly, because there is no place or direction in this world of nothing and they actually all [sound] the same.
What makes a difference is the feeling of their existence and based on that I gave them the number-names.
For once there is Four.
They really are like the number four. Just there.
As I mentioned, they didn't do much except being there and giving a small chuckle every now and then.
They aren't as present as a two and by far not as edgy as a prime number. Just simply; they are a four.
Then there is Seven.
They give off a feeling of being tired or more likely they felt just fed up.
Like the number seven which is way to overused in history, religion and even pop culture.
Even if it is a prime number; that is still just a number and there are endlessly more of them so let the seven get some deserved rest!
And of course there is One.
And what a one they are!
Always the first to do something and be the center of attention. Charging forward with the knowledge that every other number will follow them.
If you want to count, you always have to start with one and just like that, One too gave me the feeling of always being able to count on them.
Even if no one [said] anything, One always sends out a warm, calming chain of Information like a hummed song.
They were the one who greeted me first, too and taught me many things like talking.
Not that I could really do it but its the thought that counts.
One always keeps an eye on the rest of us and the moment one of us shows signs of anxiety, fear or similar dark emotions they always change the paste or rhythm of their humming and start sending Informations that are like pictures.
It was always the same; an old, sunlit ruin in the midst of a green World made out of plants – a jungle.
I don't know that place but it feels warm and calming.
It is like I can nearly taste the watery air and smell the dusty stone of the ruin. Every time I experience that picture, the sun tickles my nose and the jade green light that breakstrough the canopy warmes my face.
It's like I had found the place I belonged to.
Sadly, One could only hold the information flow for that picture for a few hours and then needs to rest a while. But even then they never stop their humming.
It took me some weeks and I only realized it after I got used to constantly feeling the existences of the ones around me, that I wasn't the only one who was on the verge of getting swallowed by fear and pain from time to time.
It rarely happens to Seven and they try not to let us know, but Four on the other hand can barely manage a week without nearly getting taken over by panic.
Only One seems to be an exception for that.
Once I asked for the reason of that phenomenon and One tried to answer but Seven stopped them.
"It is better if you don't know." they said.
I can fully understand that.
I too don't want to bother them with the fear and pain that my memories try to bring back to me at every chance they get.
To not provoke whatever the others feared so much and to distract myself as much as possible I tried to ask some questions with my limited [vocabulary] and so I learned quite some things.
First of all;
I am weird.
Being told that by One who, gave of a smiling feeling, kinda hurt a bit but this smallest of all pains got washed away by the Information they soon after presented.
The other ones all got captured and then locked up in this place.
No... The Information that was presented to me was more like sealed away then locked up.
One was the first, like the real number one they are but soon others would follow.
While they explained this I noticed that it wasn't just the four of us in this World of nothing. There were far more.
Around a hundred existences like me but unlike One, Four and Seven the other ones never shared any Information nor did they react to anything I tried to [say] to them.
Only once did I try to [listen] to their existence, even though Seven warned me that I should never do that. The small Information I obtained from the ones I soon only would call Zeros somewhat frightened me.
They are alive without a doubt. Well as much [alive] as all of us are.
But they feel hollow.
Just an empty shell without anything inside, more dead than alive.
It scared me, because this is what I must've looked like in my last years on earth.
Experiencing this, I never reached out to the Zeros again but I noticed that every now and then some of them just vanish for a few hours.
Or is it more likely that some just disappear and new ones come to existence? Because they all feel the same, I can't tell.
Seven scolded me for not listening to them, but One soon got me distracted by telling me, that I was already here, when they got to this place.
Well, not I as in me but something like... an egg?
The Information was a bit hasty but an egg seemed to be close to what One tried to tell me.
So the other place that was here before and is now the not-here was inside of an egg?
And then I just hatched a few month ago while trying to reach the mumbling [sound]? That is indeed weird.
But actually this was not the reason One called me weird for.
No, to them I am weird, because I am the only one that was born in this place.
So; then what is this place?
Sadly, like the egg thing, nether One nor Seven could really tell me.
The Information that I obtained reminds me of a book and at the same time seems like something entirely different.
Then this is a place from a Fairytale or something? So it could actually be real hell, huh?
Well as long as the other three are here with me it's not that bad.
As soon as I thought that, some of the Zeros vanish again but this time Seven was gone, too.
I was caught off guard and way to surprised to react but only seconds after Seven's mysterious disappearance a massive wave of pure terror was send out by Four.
One reacted immediately by showing us the picture and humming louder than ever.
It worked.
Slowly but steady Four calmed down.
I wanted to ask what happened but at the same time am way too afraid to do so.
For the first time in quite a while I start to actively count while enjoying One's information flow.
Actually a part of me is always counting in the back of my head, because it helps me to stay calm and I can somehow measure time this way, too.
But now I concentrate on the numbers whilst keeping a second-like rhythm.
…
About six hours later, Seven was back like nothing had happened and I felt so relieved that I forgot to count for a moment.
But then I noticed something was off and anxiety poured into my mind so I started to calculate random numbers as fast as possible, just to keep my thoughts in order.
I don't dare to ask.
The moment Seven was back, they tried to hide something and fell [silent]. But being quite good at [listening], I noticed it anyways.
A part of Seven felt just like the Zeros: hollow.
It scared me.
It took a week until Seven's existence felt like before and two more weeks until they talked again but even then, they didn't give the slightest hint of what had happened.
In the time it took Seven to recover some of the Zeros kept disappearing and returning every now and then and each time this happened, a small glimpse of the terror that Four let loose when Seven disappeared clawed its way into my thoughts.
What if another one of us disappears, too?
Can Four survive something that left Seven in such a state?
What about Seven themselves? Are they able to experience whatever it was again?
And One? None of us would survive, if they where broken and stopped the humming.
Of course I thought about myself too.
Could I survive whatever awaits me after disappearing in this world?
Well I survived the hell called earth right?
No actually I didn't now that I think about it.
But I survived the hell that came after earth and this one actually was worse.
Would that help me?
I actually have not the slightest bit of curiosity to find an answer for this question.
In the best case none of us should experience whatever it was and only the poor Zeros keep disappearing.
I feel guilty for thinking that, but reminded me at the same time that they already are hollow.
Does having such an opinion make me a bad person?
No.
Even the previous, empty me would have shouldered more horror so someone else doesn't have to do that… right?
In my mind I nodded to convince myself, but something was off.
My imaginary movement didn't happen.
No it was more like something hindered me from imaging a movement.
What?!
I couldn't question this bizarre situation as something seemed to grab my nape.
But.. I don't even have a body.
What is that?!
I tried to ask One but at the same moment I got pulled away from the feeling of their existences.
The next thing I knew was, that there is light.
Completely swallowed by confusion it took me a few seconds to realize that I have a body.
Huh?!
Yes it isn't an imagination.
I still can't move, but I can feel my torso and some limbs.
What is going on?!
A soft, warm breeze tickles the skin of my arms and my feet definitely touch some cold, wooden floor that I stand on.
A calm song in a language I never heard enters my ears from a radio somewhere behind me and even quieter than the music, I can hear the sounds of a busy city in the distance. Probably, muffled by a closed window.
The smell of a sweet, luxurious perfume surprised my nose – no… this smells way to thick for some exquisite perfume and the reminds me of something in my past. It was probably some cheap stuff that should imitate the good thing.
I don't want to think more about that and luckily so many overwhelming impressions hit me at ones, that my mind went blank.
In a state like this the first thing I realised was that there are 3 Zeros beside me.
Only using a sense that wasn't really one while in the thought-state, this was my only reliable way to gather information and so it probably activated unconsciously and got me out of the blank-state.
So what now?
It was far too long since I could see things, so the information my eyes brought to my brain somewhat felt like lagging behind at first.
I couldn't move my eyes either but I could see what was in front of me.
There was a man dressed in a beautiful cloak that seemed to be made out of woven, soft copper leaning on a luxurious looking, wooden wall while heavily panting as if he just exercised a bit to much.
Either way this man is really tall... or I am quite short?
Hmm…
No… the man seemed to fit in this room normally and if he is somewhat average height then I am way smaller than I should be.
The global average height for a man is 175 to 180 centimetres, right? I instantly calculated it; if he is somewhat average then concluding from the height of my view that means I am only about 120 centimetres tall?
No there must be a mistake.
Completely irritated my line of sight focused on the thing that man hold in his hands.
It was a book.
And then it hit me; this wasn't just a book.
That is the thing, One tried to show me when I asked where we were!
I was in there?
What?!
No… right?
And how?
My brain just can't cope with this thought but my thinking got interrupted anyways.
Four people came into my sight – three men and one women and a small part of me just realised, that none of them where much smaller or taller than the man on the wall. What is going on?!
The four of them started to play some kind of betting game with their hands and each time one won, they pointed in the direction of one of the Zeros and then left my view.
The one who lost every game and was now left alone was a quite strong looking, suntanned man with dark hair who gave off the feeling of a soldier.
He stared at me with eyes full of disgust, then said something in a language I don't know, but that somehow felt like an insult and then spat at me.
Completely perplexed I didn't react. No – I couldn't.
My body still didn't move an inch!
The man reached for my head with one of his big hands and for a moment I thought he would pull my hair but then he grabbed me by something that was on my forehead.
Huuuh?!
Do I have horns or something like that?!
A jolt that flashed through my whole body distracted me, as the man roughly lifted me into the air so that our faces are on the same height.
He then said some other rude sounding things and spat directly in my face.
While I was still confused and got more disgusted by the second, the man turned around aiming for a door that he opened by smashing my face against the doorknob.
"That hurt you sicko!" I wanted to scream but as usual there was no sound from me.
Behind the door was a small, nondescript room that only contained a shut down window and a bed.
Before I had time to grasp any other information another jolt flashed through me, as the man brutally threw me across the room.
I crashed hard into the wall and heard my nose cracking before I fell down on the bed.
My face sunk deep into the pillow, what should it make hard to breathe and a small part of me just realized that I didn't even need to to that. Even if I sucked air into my lungs – there was no difference.
This small part of my brain got even more confused while the rest of me was in a state of terror.
Lying on the bed I could feel the soft textiles under me but that made me realize that I am naked and with this knowledge masses of painful memories flooded into me.
Nonononononono!
Please don't!
I panicked, begged and cried but my body did nothing and for the man I was just lying there, bleeding into the pillow.
He grabbed me by something at my lower back and lifted me up a bit by pulling there.
The small, way to confused part of me that only now got swallowed by the terror, realised that I seem to have some kind of tail too.
Even an old long forgotten question of mine got now answered without the terrified me noticing it.
I don't know about before but at least now I seem to be female because now there is a pain that wasn't there before-
NO!
I deny it!
There was nothing!
Just numbers.
Yes of course; numbers and calculations nothing else!
Everything is fine. I am just counting in the black world of nothingness like always.
Nothing special.
Just me, wasting time like I always do.
…
Some harsh sounding words that I didn't understand where shouted and someone spat at me again so that I got interrupted in my calculations for a split second but then I was back at my numbers.
Like this I didn't realised the leaving footsteps and the door that got slammed shut shortly after.
I was just lying there on the bed, counting in my mind and bleeding on the pillow.
Wait - I'm not bleeding anymore.
A small fraction of my thoughts was confused by the fact that not only I stopped bleeding already but my nose didn't hurt the slightest anymore.
Suddenly the door got opened again. More careful this time, but that doesn't stop me from panicking.
Before I could go fully back to counting, someone grabbed the tip of what I assume is my tail and dragged me from the bed.
I landed hard on the wooden floor and got kicked in the side instantly so that I rolled over and faced the ceiling.
The man in the copper-clothes came into my view and looked down on me like someone who just found some trash.
He still had the book in his hands and opened it so that I faced some pages with weird circles and geometrical lines.
I couldn't ask myself what he tried there because some strong invisible force seemed to drag me to the pages.
Huh?
In the blink of an eye everything went black again and the feeling of having a body vanished.
Then there was a loud but very calming [sound] and the picture of some ruins in a sunny jungle drove everything else out of my mind.
Ah yes… I want to stay here please...