It is heaven. I'm snuggled against my mate's chest while we're both looking at the stars. No, one is willing to talk and just choose to enjoy the calmness of the night. I have to collect my thoughts first to settle this problem. My mate went through a lot because of me. Maybe, just maybe, it is time for me to save him from further pain. Being mates meant happiness and contentment. In our situation, it'll never happen.
"I'm sorry." I gripped his waist a little tighter. "I'm sorry for causing you to pain all those years. I didn't know. I'm really sorry." I don't really know but I think I'm going to cry again. It seems like my body won't stop producing tears. I felt him hug me back. Telling me that it's fine and he overcame it.
Tears silently streaming down, I look up and found him staring down at me. The tingles, sure are going crazy but I don't think it's important right now. His bottle-green eyes reflected my tear-stained face as it darkens.
"I wanted it. I want the bond. I want you. Having a mate was something I've been longing for all these years. Seeing all friends finding their fated pairs and living it well, I wanted it more." I never tried telling people about my inner thoughts. Even Sally doesn't know, my parents trying but clueless. I was left to my own devices. I did not hate anyone since I chose to be that way. They gave me endless effort but I wasn't having it. I'm just me, I like to be alone and they understand me. That's how supportive my family and friends were to me. Gently, he wipes my tears every time they fall. I smiled at his thoughtfulness.
Breathing hard through my clogged nose, I snuggled against his chest again. Hiding my tear-stained face this time. When did even my life turn this dramatic? "Atlas I wanted to try what's between us, I want to take my chance with you." there goes my innermost desire.
Atlas face scrunched in pain, I peeked at his face and saw his expression. The pain reflected and hurt me right to the core.
"Don't. I was only telling you my side just how you told me yours. I won't be cruel as to hang into you and make you unhappy. You've had enough on your plate. It's time for me to do something for you." I grasp his face in my hands. His hands cupping mine into his as I stare at his face. Maybe, he saw the determination in my eyes as we share a look. He tightened his hold on my hands and his face went pale when he realized what I'm going to do. Those breathtaking eyes of his turned black as the bottle green painted swirling patterns on them. Majestic.
I can't believe I'm witnessing an Alpha this vulnerable.
Slowly, slowly this time like there's a barb wire wrapping on my neck, I spoke the words of rejection.
"I, Mavis Leucon, renounce my bond," the swirling patterns in his eyes went crazy as his mind and his wolf fight for dominance. "...and won't transcend the fate's calling no more," the huge hands cupping mine tightened to the point of pain, I trudge on. "...Here, by the moon and thy fated pair as a witness," I offered him a bittersweet smile. "...May the moon guide me. Please, hear my plea." falling tears continued to fell one at a time.
Looking back to the time when I was young, those words fascinated me during my primary years. The Rejection Oath. My Mom told me that she would often hear me recite the rejection oath which worried her at that time. Come, middle school it was forgotten because I stop doing it and my mom never told me about it again. What I never told my mom was that the rejection oath fascinates me. The words are so beautiful and emotions so raw that it imprints in my memory. I never thought that it'll come in handy in the future.
I saw how Atlas flinched upon receiving the oath. Everything is in order, rejection oaths are commonly done under the moonlight since the bonds were gifted by the Moon Goddess. It is reasonable for us to end it with the moon as the witness. Now, I just need Atlas' Assent pledge.
"Atlas," I urged him to recite the Assent but it never came. So, I tried assuring him just to make him say it since the more he stays quiet, the more it's giving me false hopes. "I know this will hurt a ton but it will fade. Well, from what I've heard," shrugs in nonchalance as I took my hands from his grip.
"...it doesn't matter. Say it Atlas. I'll be fine." I saw how his eyes went rimmed red as he prevents himself from bursting into another round of crying. I beamed at him instead, waiting.
"No." It was almost not discernable. Two-letter words that made my heart jump a few beats. "Let's not do this Mavis, this is not fair for you." he kissed my forehead and suddenly stood up. My jaws fell in surprise. Atlas swiftly left the park with no other words.
"Atlas come back here! Don't do this!" I shout after him but wasn't able to take a few steps to follow him. I gripped my head, dumbfounded. The rejection won't take place when the fated pair won't recite the Assent. Mate bond is a two-way thing so the decision should be mutual and willing. It is lifetime binding after all. Why did he leave?
I sat down on the bench again and struggles to organise my thoughts. That went down the drain. There goes our talk.
-----
I went home dazed and tired. The pack house was already deserted and silent. It's past midnight after all. I stopped at the front of the huge packhouse. It houses all the pack members in our territory but we do have our own cabins, still close to the pack. I chose to stay here since it's a lot closer to my mart than my own cabin.
"It'll be stuffy tomorrow." Muttering those to myself, I turn back and decided to stay in my cabin this time. I wouldn't like the torture of answering questions from my packmates early in the morning.
It took me a good half thirty minutes to reach my cabin. It was close but due to me taking my time with small steps, so it took me longer.
Unlatching the door lock using my keys, I went straight to my bedroom and fall face-first on the soft sheets. What's the best action to do with my kind of problem?
I fell into deep thought.
Rejection is not common in my pack. I've got no one to ask for advice. The last rejection happened hundred years ago. You can assume from those years that the mated pairs were successful. Mine would be like a special case and it makes my heart so heavy to know that I got no one to talk to about this. If I ever talk to Sally, it wouldn't last a day then my parents would be here and my whole pack will crowd my home. She's that bad at keeping secrets.
Sitting up, I tried to some of Atlas' actions. This may be a difficult choice for him too. In my case, it would be just my mind who would be invested in this bond. On the other hand, Atlas would be in a tug of war with his heart and his mind. I bit my lip in frustration and roll in the bed helplessly. My mate's suffering again. He is right. I've wreaked havoc in his already peaceful life again.
But Atlas didn't want to end our bond right away. The way he left without looking back gets to me. This meant he needs time. I was so selfish in the part where I decided to end it with no qualms at all, to stop the uncomfortable feeling while being ignorant that he's torn from all sides.
Damn it, I still had it easy after all.
Fate's not yet ready to tear me down.
Glancing at my open window, I saw how bright the moon tonight. It reminds me of Sally's wedding. I should not think about this. I need to give Atlas the time to Assent my oath and just busy myself with the wedding preparations.
I shake my head stubbornly. "No, I need to do something for Atlas. He said it wasn't fair for me." Maybe, he'll be able to decide on the rejection without his conscience drilling him every day if I fought for it! Light bulb.
"Yes, that's it! Something I can do for Atlas." I melted at the thought of the Assent though. Something inside me crumpled. I feel lightheaded at the thought of being rejected but what I can do? I don't want to ruin someone's happiness and I'm also not in love with Atlas. The mate bond is the only thing that's connecting us. Fighting for the bond would be the right thing to do so, that way he'll be able to decide without inhibitions.
Now, more determined than ever, my goal is to fight for the mate bond and let Atlas decide. I know I won't be chosen but does it matter? This might be a martyr for me but I'll do things right. I'll make sure to give Atlas his happy ending.
Feeling accomplished, now I need to worry over Sally's wedding. I know that she's giving me slack for the last weeks now when it comes to my maid-of-honour duties. I might not tell her everything but she can read my mood.
The beeping sound of my phone snatched me from my daze state. I looked at it and saw Sally's name on the screen. Speaking of the she-devil, why would she call me at this hour? I thought and picked it up. I peek at my phone again and got surprised upon seeing the time. It's already four in the morning!
"Oh, my goddess, I've been thinking that long?' I answered the call and met with Sally's chirpy voice. She is asking me to accompany her to the wedding gown fitting. We will be meeting at the bridal shop in the city at ten in the morning which ideal. I would be able to catch some sleep for a few hours so I said yes right away. I didn't even ask why she's awake at this time. Also, it's a good thing that she didn't ask me. Maybe the fates are giving me this sign to continue with my goal. Right, this is for Atlas after all.
I smiled at the thought. Shutting the window close, my exhausted form laid still on the middle of the bed as I arrange the pillows around me. It might not be much but pillows gave her a sense of comfort. Its volume supports my head just fine.
From this angle, I could see the cream paint on my ceiling. Plans slowly form in my head and I slowly tick them in my mind. Right, I need to do some renovation to accentuate and cover the plain paint. Maybe a few knick-knacks would suffice. Also, I would go herbal picking too, maybe I can also invite Atlas. "I should ask him how long he'll be visiting the pack," I'm clearly talking to myself at this point. I hope I'm not going crazy yet. Our Alpha Cedric would have his birthday soon and I should talk to Luna Eva about it on where I can lend a hand. A smile blooms on my face. It's like, I've got a purpose now.
With my thoughts now laid in harmony, I would be able to do needed things in order, tomorrow. Accompanying Sally with the preparations and managing Solace at the same time. There's also an important thing I need to do tomorrow evening. I need to face my rival and declare a friendly war. I know Luke will understand.
Tired eyes close with zen. It will be a good day indeed.