I can feel the stares they're throwing at me. If staring would enable toppling someone over I would be rolling on the ground right now.
Exasperated I turn around and face Laura and Alvin both staring at me. Lucky enough for me, Logan wasn't there anymore. I drove him home an hour ago after Atlas apologise to him. I've applied first aid to the poor kid. Good thing werewolf healing kicked in right away, stopping his nose from bleeding some more. I explained to Evelyn what happened. She just nodded in understanding, with her brushing it off as one of those mistaken identity incidents. Unfortunately, it usually happens to Logan.
I did get a raised brow from her when she heard that Atlas punch the poor kid just because he thought he was cheating on me. Me, who's not dating anyone at all.
My response to it was that Atlas was not from our pack and hence him making a mistake. He doesn't know a thing about the people of the pack, which Evelyn bought. It was so hard to remain calm under Evelyn's scrutinizing gaze as I explain. I was so close to sweating bullets.
Now, I have to explain it again to these persistent toads.
"Dang it, ask me instead of creeping the hell out of me with your stares." my shoulders straightened as I face the two. Thank god for small mercies. If it was Sally who witnesses the incident then she would be hounding me for answers every second she got.
"Why did that Alpha overreact for you? Is he your ex? Is he a good samaritan?" Laura right there.
"Who is he to you? How did you two meet? Are you guys in a one night stand affair?"
Alvin's question coloured my cheeks in embarrassment. They do have a wild imagination.
"You blushed Boss," Alvin added in a shrug.
"It is because I'm embarrassed! I really can't figure out how your brain's wired Al." I was so uncomfortable with the questions that I scratched my head in annoyance. How do I explain to them?
Shivers racked my body when the two didn't even blink while looking fixedly at me. Waiting for the answers to their questions.
"I met him at the packhouse. This is quite embarrassing but I've hit him with a mug--" I stopped midway when I saw their expression. They were nodding in earnest.
"Well, of course, you're skittish and easily jump over nothing." Alvin's casual dig earned him a raised brow from me. There's truth in those words. I might be the quintessence of an independent, successful businesswoman but we all have flaws. Mine would be being startled for no reason at all.
"Shut it, Al." The piercing glare I'm giving would surely give him a trip to the ER but all he did was grin at me, teeth in full display. Meanwhile, Laura giggles in agreement. The freaking traitor.
"Yeah, so you went clumsy over him. That doesn't explain why he went ogre on Logan though." The good for nothing traitor send me another perusing eye.
I don't know how to answer it without lying to them straight face.
"He's an Alpha mind that. Justice is a thing for them. Don't get your mind in a twist, he's gay." I don't know if I'm allowed to say this but I don't have a choice at the moment. Glancing back at my friends, they're friends right now not employees, they were gaping in shock. Being gay in a werewolf pack isn't a problem, it's just, it's unheard of in our area. Though, we've heard a lot of them from another country.
I wasn't able to suppress a giggle from their reactions. Laura's eyes went round that I'm almost afraid it'll fell out from her socket. Alvin on the other hand is nodding his head in understanding.
"It's a shock I know. His boyfriend became my friend, Luke. That's why he won't ogre." The steadiness in my tone as I smoothly lied erase the unwanted ideas from their mind. Well, it wasn't all lies. I'm just worried about telling them Atlas is gay.
Sternly looking at them two, I pierce them with my no-nonsense look. "You both are not telling anyone, okay? Alpha Atlas' gender is not our business so refrain from gossiping over his sexuality. Crystal?" Both of her friends nod positively. They might be a crazy group of friends but they'll never cross the line.
Clapping her hands, "Let's work." she went back to her office and continues to sort her inventory papers. God knows I need to be ready later tonight but for now, I need to clear my thoughts. Whatever the outcome later, she'll be a big girl and persevere. Hopefully.
----
I'm trembling as hell. I know I was acting like it'll be fine in the end and I'll be able to get out of this unscathed but experienced. But, the thought of being rejected by your mate is terrifying. All my life, it may sound smug but I had it easy.
I didn't have to strive hard just to get good grades. I'm good with my studies, I just don't want to compete and cause myself unnecessary pressure.
My parents were supportive of whatever I wanted to do. Whatever path and profession I would take they were there to keep cheering me on.
I've got cool parents. I was given the freedom to have fun because they trusted me and I've never let them down so far.
I worked part-time in Solace, still owned before by my parents and they gave me equal treatment as the other employees. I was even one of the role model warrior. All pack members were required to undergo pack training and I've aced it with flying colours.
Also, I've worked in other states while finishing my degree, business administration. They let me do it and I was able to achieve all of it.
Hence the thought that I had it easy. I never felt an intense feeling of pain or sorrow. Not that I wanted it to happen to me.
You may say I'm not going against the fates and living my life going with the flow hence me living an easy life. Now, I think it's not like that anymore.
I longed for a mate to complete my uncomplicated life and I think I'm going to get it now. My share of pain and sorrow, I mean.
Another shiver racked my form. I think I'm not ready for this talk at all.
The wind picks up as I stood up from the bench I'm sitting on. I arrived early this time and the waiting game is killing me.
Should I back out and just disappear? I shake my head in annoyance. Slapping my cheeks a little, I look around the park it sure is dark in this area. Quite creepy for a park. Think heavens for her keen sight, she's able to see enough through the dark.
"Have you been waiting long?" Tingles crawled all over my body as I glance back at Atlas. He is smiling at me but I can feel the tension coming from him.
We should come up with a decision soon if we don't want this to be more complicated than it was. The bond is acting again.
"Not that long. Would you like to take a seat?" I cringe at the words. Why did I say it like it's going to be a professional talk between corporates?
I saw him grin and chose to sit down on the cemented block in front of the bench I'm sitting. Right, We need to maintain distance, we'll hear just fine this far away anyway.
Problem is, we've been sitting for more than a minute now but he isn't talking. Do I have to talk first? Man, I'm sweating bullets right now.
"So--"
"I--"
Pause, we both glance at each other at the same time. A smile break from my face.
"You--"
"Then--"
Shoot, this is awkward. We looked at each other again and end up cracking. Successfully breaking the sombre atmosphere.
"This is somewhat cheesy." You can hear the smile from my voice as I look up at the dark sky. I do hope that we'll be able to reach an accord on this one.
"No, it is quite nice." I can feel him staring at me. Dang, it's making me unconscious. My face starts to redden as he continues to stare. I need to get a grip.
"Can you tell me about you? I know this is a weird thing to ask but I'm curious about how you're like as a person." I had to gather my wits just to ask him. He's my mate. I want to know something about him before things go down south.
I heard him drew a deep breath before engaging my question. I can tell that he has an excellent profile by just looking at his silhouette.
Shrugging his shoulder, he faces the moon instead of looking at me. "I have a typical homosexual experience. Typical in a way that, I've experienced the same prejudice and judgment. I've been isolated from my peer just because I'm gay. Thank the moons for small mercies, I'm the son of the Alpha so bullying wasn't that bad." Another quaking breath from him.
I think I've asked the wrong question. I'm causing my mate pain again, emotional this time. Way to go, Mavis. I chastised myself in my head.
"You don't have to tell me if it pains you Atlas. Some things need not be said when you're uncomfortable." My knuckles went white from trying so hard not to hug him and ease his pain.
He shakes his head and peeks at me. Atlas might be an intimidating person but he's soft. "No, I want to tell you so you'll understand and I've already made peace with it." he gazed back at the stars and an awkward silence came.
You want to make peace with me too.
My wolf whispered in my head which was heart-wrenching.
"My parents were against me being gay. I've been trained hard and counselled multiple times just to set me to the right part." The emphasis he did at the last part made it sound like the idea of him being straight is ridiculous. It might be ridiculous but it's causing me to bleed.
"They did everything but it was useless you know, it never works. I like men, Mavis. I was so confused back then every time I get these flutters from seeing topless males whenever I went training." the sad smile he gave me resonates with mine.
This is more than torture. I grip my knees tightly.
"So you're into men?" I felt numb asking him the obvious answer.
He nodded. "Yes. There's a lot of sexuality out there. I identify as homosexual. It was ridiculous you know, my parents were only against my sexuality because of my mate or so I thought." He looks at me this time with an unreadable expression on his face.
"They're not ashamed of me but they're worried for you and the pack. All those torture and counselling I've experienced were for you."
Gasping for air, my heart is bleeding from what he said. I was the reason he went through a lot. My existence was a bane to his happiness. He was living an unfair life while I'm happily living mine.
Fat drops of tears ran down my face in a silent cry. I've been causing him pain his whole life. Thinking about how he must have hated me when he was younger, the faceless mate, the cause of his suffering was humiliating.
"I've tried working with them, Mavis. God knows I've tried so hard just to give them what they need but I can't stop myself from being this way. Eventually, they let me do whatever I want when I've shown them I can lead a pack just fine and I don't need a mate for it." Another jab at my pumping muscle.
I heard him left his seat and the most amazing yet painful thing happened to me. The warmth of his chest as he hugs me comforts my crying soul. I sobbed into his chest as I repeatedly apologize to him. I buried myself as the tingles went haywire and sobs racked my body.
His hug went a little tighter as I feel his lips against my hair, rocking me back and forth.
I cried and cried some more because it really was not like that anymore. The fates are now against me this time.
I hugged him back and went into another round of tears went I felt him trembling, adam's apple is restless, he's also crying.
"I've made peace for it in a long time Mavis. I was finally happy in a long time. Why do you have to happen now? Why do you have to make me confuse again?" The pain lacing his voice got me doubling over in pain.
Maybe I should've never longed for a mate. I have been greedy and now it is a disaster. The Fates favoured me for so long that they now wanted my heart in a platter. I've messed up big time. No one is going to get out of this situation unscathed.