"Sherdan!" Lucian ran his way and caught him. The sudden weight made him lose his balance, but he was quick to lean against the wall beside them.
Ah crap! So heavy!
The unexpected weight made Lucian almost tear up, and Sherdan who was barely holding to his consciousness muttered.
"Sorry"
He tried regaining his composure, but his limbs had grown weak. He couldn't control most of his strength, but he tried his hardest to lessen his heaviness.
Lucian took in large breaths and carried him through sheer willpower. Anything can be done if one had perseverance!.
After finally arriving at the infirmary with the help of a fellow grade level he grabbed out of nowhere, he plops Sherdan to the bed.
"Then I'd go," The guy said.
With broken words, Lucian replied with a thank you.
He waved at the kind guy who helped him. The latter waved back and left, leaving Lucian alone, panting madly while sitting on the ground.
Sherdan's way too heavy.
Lucian reminded himself to bring along at least 3 men if he wanted to kidnap an unconscious Sherdan.
He stood up after catching his breath. He massaged his aching shoulders and tilted his stiff neck. Exhaling a satisfied sigh after relieving the uncomfortable ache in his shoulders.
Lucian glanced in Sherdan's way and saw him half-awake. The other was breathing quietly but in a short sequence.
Lucian saw his awkward position and adjusted his body lying on the infirmary bed. After that, he pulled a plastic chair and sat in it.
It took more than 20 minutes before Sherdan was able to calm himself. Lucian stayed beside his bed, helping him breathe whenever he's having difficulties.
His quick breathing gradually transitioned to a more peaceful one, and the eyelids he could hardly control before finally opened fully.
Sherdan tried to sit up, but he could hardly do it. Seeing him like this, Lucian volunteered to help. Lucian let goes of him after he succeeding.
"Do you need water?" He asked. Acting very much like an infirmary nurse.
Sherdan saw him the very moment his muddled mind cleared up, and he felt the turbulent beating of his heart calming down.
Lucian leaned closer, checking whether he truly gained control over his mind.
Sherdan stared back at him as if verifying his thoughts.
The hazel eyes pierced through his, it carried behind it numerous suppressed emotions. That even until now, remained hidden away.
Unable to handle the other's eyes, Lucian tore away from his gaze, and step away. Sherdan watches him as he scurried towards the water dispenser.
With a plastic cup filled with water, Lucian went back and sat on his chair. He gave Sherdan the cup, and Sherdan drank it without a fuss.
After emptying the bottle, Lucian took it away and put it back to where it originally was.
"Is it Panic Attack again?" Lucian asked, his voice cautious. He doesn't want the other to feel uncomfortable. Sherdan replied with his usual hmmm.
The room turned quiet after that. Lucian wants to know more but doesn't want to implore. He's afraid it might invoke another panic attack again. Or if not that, he might appear presumptuous.
Sherdan caught on to the hesitation in his eyes. He tried opening his mouth to speak but closed it again, hesitating.
Should he trust him?
Should he not?
Sherdan was torn between these two choices, as he had never trusted another person again after seeing 'that' unfold before his eyes before.
"You don't need to tell me if you don't want to" Lucian assured him with a smile.
He was genuine. Too genuine that it made Sherdan speechless. It was as if he wouldn't implore more than what he could give, as if he wouldn't seek for more than he should receive.
Sherdan gulped, forced his heart to calm down, and spoke.
Despite the uncertainty and fear, he wanted to try trusting him.
"Martin asked me.."
His voice was the only thing one can hear inside the infirmary. The two men alone in a room, finally had their starting point.
"He asked me a question. That question." Pouring his heart out, Sherdan opened his mouth and spoke.
The barrier broke down, and as if pulled towards each other by mere words, they could feel their relationship advancing closer.
Lucian listened to his words. Never saying anything. Sherdan doesn't need someone who can talk wonders right now, what he needs is someone who can listen. He knows this much, as someone who had seen how he lived his life for 16 years.
Sherdan raked his fingers through his hair and gave out a sigh.
"I thought I improved"
"I thought I got better"
"Afterall, I could go around with you without any problems"
He thought he could overcome this obstacle in this life.
He always felt comfortable whenever he's with Lucian. He never felt uncomfortable, nor did he receive any reproach gazes from the people that surround them.
But when he was asked a question straightforwardly, he shrank back to his pathetic self. He cowered as if he had done a grave sin, just because he was who he is.
It seems he still couldn't forget about the influence Friedde imbued on him.
He was never afraid of admitting who he is before. He had a firm belief that there wasn't anything wrong nor anything worth belittling about his sexuality.
It was probably because of his supportive parents and the overall positive environment he grew up in, that he wasn't embarrassed nor afraid of his true self.
But after bad things followed by another, the pressure of keeping his perfect identity intact, and the continual barrage of insults from Friedde against his sexuality.
Sherdan gradually developed a different mindset. It had become so strenuous to be himself, strenuous to always be obligated to listen to other people's opinions, that he ended up wanting to avoid admitting who he is just so he could be in peace.
It eventually leads to a point of no return, and he became exceedingly self-aware of himself in public. In the end, he could no longer step out of the comfort zone he created. As it helps him avoid listening to other people's opinions of him.
The pile-up stress, the pile-up traumatizing experiences, and the pile-up pain eventually made his desire to hide himself turn into the fear of revealing who he is. It became so cancerous that he would even undergo panic attacks whenever he tries coming out.
He went to several doctors to cure it, but it wouldn't go away permanently. He gave up on medical treatments and decided to go to different countries to rid himself of his painful memories. He buried himself with work and hid away.
At the very least, when he's doing something, he could forget the guilt brought by denying his self.
"Sherdan" Lucian called out, after seeing Sherdan staring out of nowhere. Sherdan snapped out of his thoughts.
"Lucian" Sherdan called out. Things outside himself are easy to solve, but when it was his problem, he doesn't know what to do.
"Hmm?"
He laid back to the bed and pushed back the question at the tip of his tongue.
"Nevermind"
He was about to close his eyes, but realizing something, he sat up again.
"Wait, did you came to the building for me?" He asked. Lucian was surprised after he asked a way-too-off-the-topic question. But remembering the reason why he came to where Sherdan is, he jolted up. Aah! How can he forgot!
"Right! Your Uncle, Elionor. He doesn't have a child right?" Lucian, with a frown on his face, asked in a serious tone.
"Does Elionor had a son?" Sherdan repeated the question, unable to comprehend it for a second.
Elionor Cohen. One of the people who made his life difficult before was one of the most trusted underlings of his Uncle Stevan. And also the husband of Molina Morris. His mother's sister.
"No"
Elionor doesn't have one in the original timeline. His brows furrowed, and he spoke another sentence.
"You knew from my memory didn't you? Elionor married my mother's sister, Molina. It was for power and not love, so that bastard had several other mistresses"
Lucian nodded. Of course, he knew.
"Right, I know that. You're able to put him into jail because of those mistresses, and the things he did to them" Lucian gritted his teeth after remembering what Elionor had done. But he took it away from his mind and continued talking.
"I know the other mistresses weren't able to conceive his child because of what he did, but I saw a kid who has his exact face." Lucian plopped down on his seat, thinking so hard.
"It could be that they're only identical? Elionor had killed every single one of his bastards, I was sure of it." Sherdan trailed off after he spoke the last few words. Thinking about it again, it seems there's something off.
Lucian took out his phone.
"I wasn't able to take a clearer picture but this is enough I think"
When Sherdan looked at the photo on the screen, he was rendered speechless.
The boy was held by a woman, his full face was shown. Although the photo was taken from quite a distance Sherdan could see how much Elionor and this kid look the same. It wasn't identical at all, it was a carbon copy!.
Lucian saw him like this and continued.
"You had a suspicion before right, how about we make sure of it now?"
Sherdan stared at the photo and felt his head aching. This is surely an important piece of information. It was so important it could turn the tide in their favor. But it was too risky.
Altering the timeline like this means a lot of things would change in the future, and the consequences would be greater than what they have experienced so far.
"The consequences---"
Before Sherdan could even speak, a static exploded in his head. And a voice of revelation erupted inside.
It wasn't Moirai, it was Clepsydra.
"You can alter the future however you like, do not trust Moirai"